My bf wrote this poem about me ... he is a pseudointellectual...can anyone give me their thoughts on this?

Question

My bf wrote this poem about me ... he is a pseudointellectual...can anyone give me their thoughts on this?

and what in Gods name is a risper??????????????? I already have confirmation that I am "the beast" .... anymore details will help


Talon!, oh pain, oh oh pain,
What majesty! and now that lost frame
Travesty! a lost hook, my new book
refrain refrain refrain
Time Time Sweet sublime and then again,
Time
Rispers and whispers,
Antic,
panic, panic,
Escape from solace how so frantic,
Short short night, welcome oh that sweet sweet oblivione,
Hawks are screaming, wasting blue light, quite quite rantic,
Passion, last night, was indeed the beast that stayed stayed home
And love, my love, oh how my love?
My love was the posie, the posie trapped in stone.

Answer 1

Uh....
Well, I hate it. I don't know if you like it at all, but its way too dramatic. There's being poetic, and then there's making things up to be pretentious.. This makes no sense, even if some of the things were supposed to be symbolic or reference something, it does a bad job. There's no way to read that out loud and make it sound good, and reading it actually hurts a little.

Answer 2

well, I'm guessing that Rispers could be a shortened variation, perhaps slang, for Risperdal, an antipsychotic drug.

So you are not only beastly, but crazy to boot.

I'm a poet and I love to critique, so here you go:
I think that this poem shows some promise. the writer took his time and thought out what he wanted to say, and layered it in metaphor. He spelled Oblivion and Posey wrong.

In the line:
"Passion, last night, was indeed the beast that stayed stayed home"
He is either calling you Passion, and YOU stayed home. Or Passion, as love, was lacking in your tryst. either way, Passion, the beast, stayed home.

Answer 3

I'm afraid the risper, along with rantic, is a figment. He definitely deserves credit for trying, but calling you a beast is a bit, well, unflattering. Is this supposed to be a love poem, it seems a bit violent. And alliteration is an effective tool, but repetition is irritating. To sum it up, beast, I would applaud his intent greatly, but buy the boy a Webster's for Valentine's. And I would pop him if he called me a beast again. Enjoy him, he sounds entertaining!

Answer 4

Well, I think pseudo intellectual is probably giving the person who wrote this a little too much credit but it's not actually bad enough that we could call him a real intellectual either.

As far as I can tell, "risper" is a word he coined that he thought would rhyme with whisper.So, I guess, it is original in that regard.

Answer 5

Your BF is obviously heavily into hallucinogens. This is the magnum opus of a degenerated mind.

He is feeling opressed by you. All of that talk of talons ripping into his manhood and screaming hawks. I think y'all need to sit down and have a conversation.

As for the beast line - "Passion, last night, was indeed the beast that stayed home" - has this sort of divinely hilarious imagery to it. I mean, just thinking about this beast killing time watching the tube at home or whatever. BTW, you're not overly hairy, are you?

Answer 6

Look up "pseudo". One meaning is - sham, as in fake[r].

Get a book of professionally written romantic poetry and use that to judge your boy friend's efforts. He may get better over the next 10-20 years. Oh, and let your boy friend have a look at that book.

Answer 7

Pseudointellectual? Umm...wanna be intellectual?
risper is a word he made up because it rhymed with whispers

Oh please..oh please...on my knees...oh please
a wrapper in the crapper
to target my wees
To short, not done
yet it's never begun
Alone and forgotten
Stump!

Answer 8

i see lots of images of sharp objects...talons...hooks....does he think your tongue is sharp? (does he think you talk badly to him?)....panic is not a good thing....and escaping....the most disturbing thing i read in this is my love was the posie trapped in stone....a stone is cold....while a flower(which usually represents love) is warm. Maybe he feels that you need to open up your love more to him?

as for risper..the only thing i could find was this......

http://members.aol.com/dm2/The_Breach3.htm

"...WE HUNGER FOR THE SOULS..."

Risper says, "I have tried attacking it...it does not work."

The nebulous sphere pulses with a green light.

Terate growls ferociously!

Merry asks, "with the mace?"

Risper says, "Terate...this ends here."

Risper nods to Merry.

Answer 9

:-) Does your boyfriend know you called him a pseudo(fake)-intellectual?

Anyway I searched Risper and it is apparently a person's name. You should ask him who this Risper is and what is she doing in your poem.

Answer 10

My soul is like a hole, or perhaps...
an empty bowl,
But it is not like a mole
except that is it blind,
Other similarities you will not...find
Except that it is also black, DEEP BLACK,
and it comes out at night...
and digs up your lawn.

nobody knows his deep dark darkness, I'll tell you that much.
Except maybe Trent Rezner. No ones darkness is darker than his.