My husband works very hard to take care of us!?

Question

He's a hard worker but never has time for me and the kids....I don't work.....am I wrong to be upset that he spend most of his time at work and not at home? Am I being selfish if I complain? Very lonlely and hungry for attention from my hubby :(

Answer 1

I lived through that with a hubby who
worked 18 hours a day and I was a stay at home mom-I wanted to go work but his answer was always--he could make a lot more money doing what he was. I always was hungry for attention and help with the kids and the house. He came home so late and so tired no sex--nothing. The money was great but not a life. We were married 9 years with 3 kids and I finally left him--I have basically the same life as I was alone all the time--but I can do what I want now with every other weekend free. I suggest counseling and please try to make him understand your unhappiness-if you love him--I just got so tired of being second to his work--and taking care of the kids on my own. Divorce is so hard on everyone--if he is a good man he will listen to you--tell him you need him more--the kids need him more--or else you need to go. You deserve a life--I understand how the days. months, years go by and its like "Oh, Okay--another Thursday"--lol. Try to make your marriage work--but work-aholics are like alcoholics they can't stop unless they realize what they will lose. God Bless.

Answer 2

What are you doing to make him Want to come home and be with you and the kids? Are you just ranting and raving about how bad the kids are as soon as he gets home? Are you looking good, house clean, dinner ready? Are you making him feel like you did before you got married? What are you doing to 'spice' up the relationship? A candle lit picnic dinner on a blanket in the bedroom/deck or yard or wherever as soon as the kids are in bed would be different and romantic if you can't afford a sitter, for example. Usually if a man works hard but doesn't spend a lot of time at home, it is a red flag that there is a problem. Now it might simply be financial--but only you know. Look at yourself and see how you can improve yourself and the situation. Take him by the hand and pull him into the shower and suds him up...make him feel special--and talk--really talk to him and let him know that you miss him. If you have done all you can, and there is still a 'problem', you may have to look in other places to discover the answer. Good luck.

Answer 3

I had the same problem. I worked for most of my marriage, but a couple times took time off when we had our children. No matter if I worked or not, he still worked a lot of hours. As did I. Doing all the cooking, laundry, house cleaning, yard work and caring for our children. There was no contribution to the tasks at home by him and he was emotionally absent from me and the children. Wanting that from him is NOT selfish. What is selfish is not expressing to him your feelings and working together to find a solution, which may mean you getting a part-time job to help out. I made that mistake and by the time I was ready to talk about it, it was already over. You have every right to feel the way you do. But he has every right to know how you feel. Share this with him. Ask what you can do to make things easier for him and make him more available to you and the kids.

Answer 4

It's not wrong to feel that way. I think you should tell him how you feel but don't come at him whiney or angry because it will seem like your nagging( you know how guys are lol). Just sit down with him and ask when he has time off so you all can be together and plan a family outing or rent some movies and chill at home or something like that. Also,don't forget about the time you two need together by yourselves :) Also I think you should get a job so he doesn't have to work as hard and you guys can split the household responsibilities with the kids and such.

Answer 5

Talk to him, maybe you can get a part-time job so the burden won't fall all on him. Maybe you can take care of a child to make some money. You are not being selfish, but you have to be more understanding. He's working, not hanging out with friends, or in bars. When he is there, plan fun things that you can do with the kids. Then when it's night, have your fun too.

Answer 6

I understand WHY you feel lonely but you are probably not alone. He sacrifice so you can stay at home. If you want more time you might have to get a part time job. If you kids are young this might be hard. It will get easier when they become school aged.

Try to take advantage of the time you have. Put the kids to bed early and sit down to a nice meal, take a bath together, or just talk.

Answer 7

You are not being selfish. Everyone needs quality time with their mate. That's why people cheat because they are lonely. Maybe u could work part-time(if your kids are school age) to keep yourself a little more busy and to make up for the time that he has to take off to spend with you and the family.

Answer 8

I hear ya! My husband is at work till 8-9 pm. It's ridiculous. I used to stay at home and I would see him at lunchtime almost everyday, but still there wasn't much quality time for us at night as I am pregnant and very tired in the evenings. I started working fulltime on monday, hoping that it would help keep me busy. But I still never see him. He makes plans with me after work, but there is always something else keeping him at work. I dont think you are being selfish.

Answer 9

Women need to have attention from their husbands. Maybe, do not complain but explain how you feel. If your husband cares he will start to make time for you and his children. Maybe you can spend time with him by massaging his shoulders and talking or the kids can spend time talking to him about their days over dinner?

Answer 10

No! You are not selfish. It's not unreasonable to expect your husband to be home after work hours. He is working hard, but he has to put family first. You need him as do your kids.

It took a very long time and a lot of heartache for my husband to understand this. But we're both much happier and more rested for it.