Can someone please help me understand?

Question

I was w/ a guy for almost two years, although it was long distance, he seemed almose perfect, but fell in love even with his flaws. We spoke everyday and night and saw each other as mush as possible. He professed his love for me all the time. But he kept a secret from me that he had a child with a one night stand before we met. This caused him so much pain that made him feel suicidal. He didnt want a child w/ some girl he didnt respect or care for. Now that I helped him come to terms, he met his child & in a matter of weeks he decided to leave me to be with the mother. I helped him sooo much with his suicide situation, I thought it was a mistake, thats what he made me feel and I know he felt that way. But whats worst is he showed no regret and was very cold to me. Doesn't he realize who was there for him, I am the one who told him he should be a part of the childs life, I helped him come to terms with everything and I can't believe he did this to me. How can someone be this way

Answer 1

Sounds like this guy has some issues of his own. First he didn't even know his own child for years. Then he left you after a long term relationship in a horrible way. While it is acceptable that you are upset over this sudden change and his bad behavior and even feel regret over helping him through this, remember that you did what you felt was right. You obviously are a smart, compassionate person and while it hurts after what happened, he wasn't the one for you. You did the right thing and you will only be a better person for that.

Answer 2

You are clearly a wonderful, giving, sensitive woman.

I don't know this man and one could drive one's self crazy tring to guess what went through his mind. (He did have a tough decision to make.) That he had this one night stand which was probably an unprotected act shows he's got some issues.

Since you were so helpful and good to him, you have the characteristics that another (more) wonderful guy will appreciate. You're job is to be kind to yourself and in time welcome someone new. Heartache isn't easy, but it does show that you're caring and sensitive. Realize how well you acted and that although you didn't get what you wanted as an outcome.

One day you'll be in a better relationship. Just don't let this turn you bitter.

Answer 3

maybe he lied to you and it was more than a one night stand. maybe he fell in love with the child, and felt it was his place to be with the child and give it a family. maybe he had feelings for the other woman all along, and wasn't honest with you about it. It's hard to have a long distance relationship and know everything that is going on in their world. I know from experience. I was with a guy for about 2 1/2 years..he lived in canada, and i live here in the u.s. he was here every other weekend, and on the computer with me just about every night. but i found out after i broke up with him that he had a girlfriend in his hometown....i wouldn never have guessed that. he had bought me an engagement ring, he spent time with my parents and my children..he seemed perfect..yet he was leading this other life, too. I would just move on...find someone close to home that you can be with on a permanent basis. Sorry for your loss.
Jackie

Answer 4

I have no way of knowing, of course, but I suspect he was lying to you all along about it being a one-night stand. I'll even make a prediction: since his relationship with her is probably not any more honest than his relationship with you, I predict that their relationship won't last and he'll eventually show up in your life again and want to get back with you.

Bottom line: Forget about this guy. You don't need him. You're worth more than that. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Answer 5

apparently he can
u should be glad that u see this side of him
before u get married
there are better guys out there
so cheer up