Last Name Help?

Question

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months. Go-figure though, that we are nine months pregnant. We are in love, and we live together. My main question though is what last name should I give our baby boy...the fathers or mine? Here's why I even question it...
My boyfriend hasn't paid for anything yet...and i literally mean nothing. I have purchased at least two thousand dollars in baby stuff...and he hasnt even given me a penny. He refuses to attend Lamaze classes with me or attends any doctor appointment, and never helps around the house. I work full time, on my feet for eight hours a day(I am nine months pregnant), and he doesnt have a job, and doesnt ever look for one. He hasnt ever paid any rent, utilities, groceries, etc. I no...i sould leave this guy and find someone new...but the truth is this question isn't about me and him...its about the baby's benefit. Should our son have his paternal last name, maternal last name, or both?

Answer 1

by the time you get to mines u will be so tired of reading but i would say u got great advice i was in a situation not to far from your but you know what best for u and ur child.My kids last name are after their father even though i left him 3months into my 2nd pregnancy thats what was what best for us.so my point is this that child of urs should have his fathers name even if thats the only thing hes ever given your son

Answer 2

Please listen to me, as you may be thankful later in life. My 1st daughter was born in a very similiar situation to yours. I was naive at the time and thought, "well, it is his child too and she should have his last name". I wish I would have given it more thought at the time. Since you are not married, the baby should be given YOUR name. If you were already married (NOT maybe, planning to, or some time in the future), I would say Yes, give the father's name. The fact is: IF you guys ever do end up getting married some day, you can always legally change the baby's surname to his! What I did was much more difficult. I gave my daughter the father's name. We split up a year later. Then, it became such a hassle when she started going to daycare, preschool, and kindergarten because her and I had different last names. Since you are the mother, you will always have full responsibilty for your son, and he should have YOUR name. Secondly, it is a family bond you share with him. It's difficult for a child if he has a different surname than the mother. His teachers and friends will inevitably call you by Mrs.(His last name). This bothered me so much, that I legally changed my daughter's name when she was in 1st grade. That was a total hassle and difficult because her dad almost didn't agree. And if he doesn't agree, you cannot ever change it! Also, what if you have more kids someday? IF you don't end up with this guy, and start a family with someone new (like what happend to me)..is your son and his new sibling going to have different last names? If you ever got married to someone else, you could change your son's name to your new name (thats what I did) if he has YOUR name.
Since you're already questioning this, I think you know deep down what the right answer is. Please take the easy and safe road. If you end up married to your boyfriend someday - then you and baby both will change your name to his at that time! Good Luck :)
PS. baby's last name does not affect child support.

Answer 3

I would give the baby your last name. As much as you may love the father it doesn't sound like the relationship may last. If you end up making a commitment to each other down the road, you can always give the baby his last name, although it will cost you a fee.
If you give the baby his last name from the start and then you two part ways, not only will your child's name be a constant reminder of the failed relationship, but you will also have a story to tell constantly as to why your child's last name is different than yours.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

Well, you got pregnant by him and as much as he's a loser you did make that choice. Even if it was a mistake you chose to start a relationship with him and have sex with him. I am a believer that a baby should usually have the fathers name. Lose the guy, but don't cut him out of the baby's life. However, having said that, get a lawyer and make legal arrangements for custody and visitation and child support. Even if he's not working now he probably will be in the future, especially when he no longer has you to support him, so a legal court order should be in place now. But yeah, lose the guy. Just don't use your child as leverage to get what you want out of him. He will probably always be a loser, but unfortunately, that's what you chose to mix yourself up with. Choose better in the future.

Congrat and good luck with the baby.

Answer 5

Give the baby your last name because it doesn't sound like this guy, father or not, is going to be around very long and in all honesty doesn't sound like he's very interested in being a parent anyway, because he isn't investing emotionally or financially in the baby or the relationship. And if he isn't paying for baby stuff now do you really think that he's going to pay child support in the future if he's to lazy to get of his a** now and work to support you while you are pregnant with his child. Find yourself a real man that will be a role model for your son and give you the relationship that you deserve. Good-luck and all the best to you and baby.

Answer 6

I was in your boat too, but my boyfriend loved me, attended everything, and helped me buy things, and he had a great job. My mom kept telling me I should go with my last name. However, I kept feeling in my heart it should be his father's last name. What helped me out on this, a friend from work said they went with the father's last name, mainly because it's still YOUR baby no matter what the last name becomes. Not only this, I knew we'd get married someday- not because of our baby but because we really loved one another... and we did... and, all that hassle of changing my son's name to his fathers, I didn't really want to go through. So, I went with what my heart told me, and chose my husband's last name. What are you really feeling on this? Do you really think you'll leave your boyfriend? If so, again, it's up to you. Sit down with your boyfriend, tell him how you feel, and let him know he needs to step up- he needs to help out so you can have some time off when the baby is born. And if he doesn't get a job, will he stay at home with the baby? Talk about it all so you feel satisfied.

Goodluck, I wish you guys the best!

Answer 7

UPDATED:
What is the relationship with this guy really - were you wanting a child and he supplied that to you? Was this a Surprise? I know you might be in love but all of his actions are stating otherwise. If he is to be the father & deserving to have his Child bear his Last name, then he needs to Step up...and 9 mos into this is a bit late but can be overcome. Either way if you want him to be apart of the child's life, you should give him the last name. If you feel that this is your child and with no father to speak of ...give him yours.

Either way, do yourself & your baby a favor and put yourselves first and figure out who you can count on. I hope he steps up. Bless you for doing so much on your own.

UPDATED: What is important is regardless of the outcome, the Child should know where he came from & who their father is, pictures, fond memories. That person no matter their Action is still apart of that child's make up. Do not make them feel Poorly for that. You may also want to consider the Genenology of the child - if it is a Son then whose name will he be passing on?

Answer 8

YOUR last name.
his doesn't deserve to be part of the baby's name. unless u need money and theres some state financial benefit for the baby if his name is used, but i doubt it.
if the guy can't lift a finger to help but is a burden on u while ur nine months pregnant he has no reason to have any part in the child's life. dump him would be my advise. how can u love him? he'll probably ruin the kid's life as well.

Answer 9

Wow this is really tough. I honestly feel like the baby should have your last name. You are the only one being a parent at all right now & he is not even born yet. I'm glad to hear that you know you should leave him... you and your baby deserve better. Talk to your boyfriend & tell him get a job or get out and miss out on your baby's life. YOUR LAST NAME!!!

Answer 10

Here's is a list of things to do...1) Give the child your name; 2) Get rid of this LOSER. He's not a boyfriend, he's a leach. 3) Move on with your life and find a really partner and father. Just because the child has his blood doesn't mean you have to waste the rest of your life picking up his mess. He has proven himself unworthy of you and your child's time - stop letting him take advantage of you and control the decisions you make.