can this work an indian and a american marriage and if not please tell why not?

Question

i am in love with an indian man and would love to spend the rest of my life with him . i would even move to india with him , go to temples , which he doesnt do ..but there is a problem his parents he hasnt yet told them ....i am also elder to him bye 8 years i know they wont agree ... just want to know what others might think

Answer 1

I am an American married to an Indian, living in India. We have been married for over 7 years and have two children. I agree with some of what has been posted already and disagree with much of it.

First, congrats on falling in love, finding a great guy, and being so willing to move to Indian and accept a different culture. That speaks a lot about what kind of a person you are.

Second, it is good that you recongnize that there will be difficulties and problems. In my case it took over one year of my husband refusing to change his mind before his parents agreed to our marriage. Much of what happens in your situation will depend on the character and determination of your boyfriend. He will have to be willing to stand up to his parents, to not be swayed by his mothers "heart condition" or his father's arguments. If he is firm in his decision to marry you, eventually, if they want to keep a relationship with him, they will give in. Otherwise they will give him an ultimatum and he will have to choose.

Yes your age will be an issue for them. No more so than you are not Indian, not of their caste, not Hindu, that it is a love marriage, etc. It will be one more thing they use in their arguments against the marriage.

Remember - a lot of hurt will come from the fact that they will feel like their son didn't trust them to find a good wife in an arranged marriage. His mother will have waited his entire life to be able to chose his bride/her daughter in law and the two of you have taken that away from her. One thing I did that I think helped a lot was to go to India and have a big, traditional Indian wedding. So even though my MIL didn't pick me - she did get to have the wedding of her dreams!

We lived in the US up until a few months ago. We moved to India recently so the kids can have a different experience and so they can have a closer relationship with my inlaws. It has been great! It depends on what city you live in but we live in a very cosmopolitan city with lots of non-Indians so we don't face any problems with me being non-Indian.

Good luck. Remember, you really need to have a heart to heart with your bf and find out what his commitment level is. If he is willing to make his folks unhappy and stand up to hem for a long time, then things can work out well.

Answer 2

Your age is not an issue. If he loves you as much as you do get married and stay away from his parents. If he doesnt go to temple you need not go too. You both can practice your respective religion with dignity. Indians prefer to remain married to their partner for life. Divorces in India are much less compared to other developed countries. Indians dont prefer it unless there is a serious problem. Your marriage will work if you stay away from his family.

Answer 3

Good luck, is all I can tell you.

I wouldnt get my hopes up too high because I am experiencing the same thing but mine didnt turn out with the "happily ever after" ending. He went and married a girl from his community in Bangladesh after we had been seeing each other for 18mos. He was cold about it. He had been making arrangement to do this the whole time and didnt tell me until maybe 2 weeks before he left to go to India. I'm still pissed about that. They have traditions that many of the younger Indians need to break. Some do fight back and do their own thing. BUT FOR THE ONES WHO DATE OUTSIDE THEIR RACE & NATIONALITY THEY SHOULD BE MORE HONEST ABOUT THEIR INTENTIONS! You shouldnt wait until the person has developed an attachment to you and then tell them! I feel like I was used for sex until he could get to the local village girl or something.

That is very traumitzing and hard to understand for Americans. If you havent met his family, then I dont think he is going to invite you into their circle. I will never date another one after this B.S. I went through. Some of them are sexy as hell, but in the long run you will be the one getting hurt. It's all about their 'culture' & 'community'....all B.S.

Answer 4

Indian or American, the successful marriage depends on Trust, Love, and Understanding. If you both could fulfil these requirements, you don't have to worry about anything else.
As to he telling his parents...if its a matter of informing them, I don't think it should be an issue at all!
But if it's about seeking their permission, I feel he should act as an adult, which he is and make his own decision!

Answer 5

This is a matter of social custom. As long as you wish to respect the social customs, it would be better to have the advices and forward. Else, if you prefer the love is more important, go by that line. If society is more important, go as per their will. There is nothing that can brake a love between a male and female as it is the will of the universe. But, you have a 1000s of eyes and if you close all those 999 (planning the life ahead) and see through onle one eye, that would lead your unhappiness.

Answer 6

As per Indian culture Parents may feel bad if their son marry a foreigner that too elder to him. But time can heel anything and all barriers will be melted once they know you and your true love to their son . So if both of you are ready to confront a slight emotional atmosphere you can carry on.......
Good luck!!!

Answer 7

No. Give up right now. If he hasn't told his parents about you........he's not serious and he already got what he wanted from you. This might NOT be about nationality but then who knows? He needs to be honest with you about his intentions.

Marriage is serious for East Indians. You know what a big deal they put into weddings? They spend thousands and even hundreds of thousands of dollars on weddings. They plan for years and invite hundreds ( 500 people and more!), they celebrate for days and he speaks nothing of you?

No.......give up.

Answer 8

I have been married to an Indian man for eight years...not only am I Caucasian...I am 12 years older than he is....and a divorcee with two children. Top that off with the fact that his family (but not him) is MUSLIM (unusual for Indians, I know). It helped that his family doesn't live in the States (no in-law problems) but what really mattered is that what they thought didn't matter to HIM. He told them straight away about me, and because he is a man of his own convictions, his family knew they weren't going to change his mind...so they didn't try.

If I were in your position (and I was), I would discuss it with him and tell him that it is important to you for him to show his love for YOU by telling his family about you. If he is keeping you from them because of what they will think, his conviction is lacking, and so is his loyalty to you. That speaks volumes.

Good luck and love!

Answer 9

I'm Indian and I have dated guys from all different nationality. You have to do what makes you happy. I have very understanding parents, so race has never been an issue

Answer 10

Hi Karen, I am Indian living in India.

If both of you plan to live in US it would be quite possible with out any difficulties. But, ensure that he gets the consent of his parents before u marry him.

But, if both of you like to live in India, better ..... NO! please. Otherwise, ur origin and age difference will make hell out of the rest of your life!