im pregnant and im 20.?

Question

there are only so many people in my life that i want to talk to about this, i know it is a touchy subject and i sound a little desperate. but i am.
I'm 20 years old and i have been in a relationship (on and off) for 2 years. just today i found out that i'm pregnant. of course i'm scared and upset but also unusually excited. i told my beau right away, and his reaction wasn't what i hoped for. it wasn't a, "we'll work it out everything will be fine" it was more like "I DO NOT WANT IT GET RID OF IT" which really upset me more than anything.. i understand him being upset, but he more or less blamed it on me. realistically i know the best thing to do would be an abortion, but from the bottom of my heart i do not want to. i want to keep the baby, not because im ignorant and think it will be easy raising a child, but i can't get past the fact there is a life growing inside of me. my son or daughter. at the same time, i fear i would be raising the child without him. any advice appreciated. :)

first off i want to thank everyone who has answered this question for me. i honestly don't feel so alone now and i can't even pick which i think is the best answer! i still haven't decided what to do it's only been one day. this is the first question i've ever asked on yahoo and i'm so glad i did. i'm sure i'll have more questions depending on which way i've decided. i can't thank everyone enough though, it's just amazing how complete strangers can make me feel so much better.... since yesterday when i told my boyfriend about it things have gotten SO weird between us and we've hardly talked today. im hoping he'll come around, i'll give it a couple days and try to talk again. but once again, THANK YOU ALL SOO MUCH

Answer 1

You've already made up your mind... keep the baby. Don't do anything for the sake of your relationship, because trust me... if you have the abortion you will resent him forever, and the realtionship is over anyway.
You have to enter into this planning on doing it on your own.... it's very hard for guys to deal with something like this, but you never know... he may come around and be really excited as he sees you growing.

Answer 2

The final decision of whether or not to terminate the pregnancy is up to you. Your "beau" doesn't sound like that supportive of a guy to begin with (no offense), so you'll have to wonder if listening to his wish of having an abortion is actually worth it. Ask yourself what this guy actually means to you - is he someone you may marry one day? Or is he someone you can't spend the rest of your life with? Is this someone you actually *want* raising your child?

Also keep in mind all of the single mothers who have raised and who are raising fabulous children. Yeah, it's tough, and yeah, you're going to break down sometimes, but that's normal for ALL moms. Look into single-mom support groups in your community, take some prenatal classes, get adequate medical attention throughout your pregnancy. Find someone who you trust enough to take along to those classes (like a best friend or a mom or a sister) and ask if that person is willing to help you out when you need it - during your pregnancy and after the baby is born. The more informed you are, the better you'll feel about your situation.

You're scared, it's natural, but trust what you feel is right in your heart, and don't let a boyfriend, or anyone, talk you out of or into anything you don't want. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well dear... I have to say that it DOESN'T sound like your world is going to come to a crashing halt, it has just come to a crossroad. I repeat, you are at a crossroad. You have a very important decision to make and it's not going to be an easy one, so don't rush. My opinion, don't have an abortion. Let me take this time to point out that I am pro choice. You say that you fear raising the child without him, but the fact is that he will not be around much longer if you do "get rid of it". I say this because you have already stated that you want to keep your baby. You are not even refering to the baby as "it" but rather your "son or daughter" which says to me that you are seeing baby as a person and if you terminate that person the only thing you will feel for your boyfriend is resentment and disgust, not to mention the guilt and self loathing you will end up feeling for yourself. If you choose to have the baby your boyfriend may grow up and develope the capacity to realize that there are other people in the world than himself, he may become a loving father. But then again, he may not, he may continue to refer to your child as "it" and if he does you have to ask yourself "is a man who would turn his back on his own child really worth my time and emotion?" You would then have to think about going through the process of filing for child support and so on. I don't think any woman should have to support a child alone, so my advise is not to have him sign his rights away and walk out of his child's life, because that child is going to want to know him, good father or not, and may blame you if he/she isn't given the chance to know his/her father. You are 20 years old, so it's not like you are going to be a 12 year old mother (no baby having a baby here). All in all what I'm saying is that you've already chosen to keep your baby, and you have every right to. Be happy, and enjoy your pregnancy (I loved being pregnant, I was never more happy with my body and never felt like more of a woman than when I was carrying). Congratualtions, MOM! A new chapter to your life is beginning.

Answer 4

I don't believe abortion is the best thing, but a child growing up without a father isn't great either. For some reason, women REALLY seem surprised that men don't feel automatic joy at the thought of a surprise pregnancy. Sorry, it just doesn't happen that way.

Anyhow, I hate to think of another fatherless child coming into the world, but it seems you've already made a decision here. Whatever it is, be wise in your decisions as it will affect 3 people forever...you, your bf and any possible babies..

Answer 5

In some countries you'd even be considered old to get married, so being 20 is not too young.

Anyway, what I'm trying to tell is babies are wonderful, they give you new life, new hopes, new dreams, tons of smiles, happiness and nothing on Earth, I repeat NOTHING can substitute the first time you hold this new life entrusted to you from above. Family (even if it is just you and a baby) will be family forever no matter what happens.
I know this from my personal experience.
Just don't resent your boyfriend right now, love him as you did before. Try to understand he's going through a lot also. If he's a good man, maybe thinking of his life adjustments right now. If he doesn't call you, it might also mean that he cares, just needs time to realize the changes.

This is a great time for you, time of growth and maturing. Step up, be strong, walk tall and of course, ask for help if you need it.
Choose the right.

Answer 6

Hi. I really appreciate your heart in knowing that you have a little son or daughter growing inside you. That child will be precious to you for your whole life. When your baby is older, you'll have this amazing relationship because they will know how much you went through to save it's life.
This little child is precious to the Lord and did nothing wrong...he/she does not deserve to be killed. Right now you need to focus on your baby and you. The father is apparently an immature child and not ready to live up to his responsibilities. You Do Not need someone like him dragging you down. Do the right thing, and give your baby life, and i know, without a doubt in my mind that the Lord Jesus will bless you beyond belief with people who will support you and help raise this child. There are plenty of amazing men out there that you will possibly meet in the future. There is a man out there who knows how precious you and your baby are. If this relationship with the father of your baby ends, then I think you will be better off.
Right now, I am volunteering at an orphanage in China and I praise the Lord everyday that these kids are alive. These kids here are the neatest people. I don't know what my life would be like if they had just been aborted by their parents. These kids are like the light of my life.
For the sake of you and your baby...please don't get an abortion. You will be haunted by it for the rest of your life. If you got an abortion and then had more kids in the future, you will always look back and think about the one that should be there too. The brother or sister to your other children that is gone forever.
I don't know all about your situation, but if you need to, there are always Crisis Pregnancy Centers you can go to for help. Find a Christian one and you will just get rivers of help and support flowing over you. There Are People Who Care About You And Your Baby. I am one of them. Find other people in your area who want to care for you too.
If you want to talk with me, please please email me at [e-mail] .
I Will be praying for you and your child. May the Lord Bless and Protect you always.

Answer 7

Do not get an abortion if you don't want to. Its your body and trust me losing a baby and having a lifelong regret is not worth doing to save your boyfriend/husband. No offense to the guys but there's nothing like that bond between you and your baby and if you have the abrtion because of him you will end up resenting him and then the relationship wouldn't work out...thats a possibilty. Plus he may come around once he sees the heartbeat. he might need some time to digest the news....good luck and think twice about what you decide...you can't undo an abortion but you can always redo a relationship....good luck and hope the best..let us know what you decided.....hang in there!!

Answer 8

OH please. What a man! PFFT DITCH HISS SORRY BUTT NOW! ANd let me tell you from a 28 year old mom of almost 3 now, It's HARD raising a child regardless. There are terrible twos and illnesses but all in all it's all worth it. Do NOT have some abortion because HE doesn't want it. If he doesn't want it Have him sign off his rights to it now thru a lawyer and raise that baby. I was 21 when I had my 7 year old and 26 when I had my 2 year old. NONE of the fathers are around at all. I'm doing just fine without them. Men Suck! They always run away. Unfortunately it's a heartbreak for you but don't take that innocent childs life because he wants to be a selfish bastard.

Answer 9

I had my first baby at 21, but I was married and my hubby was happy about it. I have to say, I know mom's do it on their own, lots of my friends have, but I don't know how they do. It's so much work and I get to stay home with my kids, I don't have to work. I'll tell you that three of the single moms I know regret keeping the child, not that they don't love them because they do so much, but because it changes so much, they wonder if the baby would have been different with two parents who planned for it. Don't get an abortion, I think you'd regret it, you seem to be connected to this baby already. Consider adoption. I know there are lots of great couples out there who are prepared to bring a child in their home emotionally and financially. I grew up without my dad in my life, it sucks and I had to deal with issues about that later on my adulthood.

Answer 10

I had my first baby at nineteen. My best friend at the same time got pregnant with her boyfriends baby. He said he did want it and ended up walking out on her. She was all ready to go it alone and then she met her current husband. Whatever happens will be for the best. Keep that baby! The best place for it is with you. And even if it seems like all is lost it won't last. Good luck and keep faith. It will all be okay in a couple of years and having a baby is one of the most wonderful things that will ever happen to you.