I'm sorry to be so blunt but my boyfriend is extremely rough when fingering me... sometimes i enjoy it but most of the time it isnt pleasurable and is painful! I was his first so he has no prior experience but he's just caught on on everything else and i figured he would on this too but he hasnt!how can i change his ways without hurting his feelings because he thinks i enjoy it?
2007-01-10 14:38:06 · 15 answers · asked by Fussy Duckling 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
actually... we are both consenting adults and not too young... He just happened to save himself until the right girl came along... Don't be so judgemental please! =)
2007-01-10 14:49:13 · update #1
It is good to tell him but I was in your same situation with my hubby. Take his hand while he is fingering you and guide it how you like it and show him exactly what you enjoy. If he was a virgin when you met then he has no basis for comparison so he doesn't know what to do really. Most guys have seen porno but unless one does it, it just isn't the same. I can watch someone fly a plane but that doesn't mean that if I was put in the cockpit I would be able to do it... see my drift. Good luck.
2007-01-10 14:59:47 · answer #1 · answered by MOMMY585 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of men don't realize how rough they are being at times.
What you need to do is sit down with him and tell him that you want to talk to him in total honesty.
Tell him how he is being too rough and that it's not enjoyable for you. He would be thinking that you are enjoying how he is doing things, because you don't say anything. Be open and completely honest with him when talking to him.
Why not rent or buy a DVD about the art of lovemaking? There are some very good techniques in these and will also show him how to be more gentle.
If you think by talking to him about this that his feelings might be hurt try 'showing' him what it is you like and how you like it. Guide his hand so that it will be enjoyable for you.
In a relationship, one of the major things is the ability to be totally honest with each other.
2007-01-10 22:49:20 · answer #2 · answered by Brighteyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just sit him down and tell him that it hurts or what you can do which is what ive done when someone is being too rough with fingering is while they are fingering you.....you should squirm and say "OUCH!" and most chances are they will stop and ask if they are hurting you! and then you say yea why dont you try it this way or that way and then you are easing into telling them how you would prefer to have it instead of being blunt about it and also if you do it that way then it is sparing his feelings BIG time!!
2007-01-10 22:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by Bwood 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Basically you need to tell him. Finding a way to tell him is the trick and just depends on how comfortable you are with him. Usually I just tell them randomly during conversation, but teaching him how to do it while he's doing it may be easier for you. You could also consider buying him a good book on women's sexuality which will give him lots of tips and teach him what to do.
2007-01-10 22:48:44 · answer #4 · answered by Christine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just come right out and tell him. I do and it works wonders. If you tell him and he continues to be so rough, I would start to question his motive, in otherwords, he likes it rough or he's a little sadistic. Hey you never know. Good Luck!
2007-01-10 23:14:06 · answer #5 · answered by Lizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you stop being silent and start talking about what he is doing wrong. If you are his first, that tells me you both are probably too young to be doing this activity anyway. I suggest you quit before you go too far and become pregnant.
2007-01-10 22:46:50 · answer #6 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find usually when I say ouch my man gets the point. Then I just say things like slower or gentle. If hes never done it before he probably has no clue that hes hurting you.
2007-01-10 22:47:57 · answer #7 · answered by melanie n 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say things like, "yeah, that's good but a little more gentle" or "do it more slowly".
It's the only way. You don't have to say, "you're too rough doofus"
2007-01-10 22:45:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can anyone know what you like and not like if you do not tell them. This also includes all aspects of any relationship be it your partner or your co-workers...
Let him know in words while you are together not so rough or use the softer words like gentler please
If you still do not like it have him stop altogether...
2007-01-10 22:48:56 · answer #9 · answered by Cherish B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell him what feels good. Do it in a soft loving way. You can also let him direct you as to what feels good to him
2007-01-10 23:17:30 · answer #10 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋