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I am getting a divorce, & its because me and my husband cant get along, & i cheated on him, because he was verbally & physically & sexually abusive. Now i tried, for the sake of our child to work things out with him, yet all he can say is that i cheated, no apologies for all the abuse heput me through. he claims i was miserable to live with, yet i did everything ( short of wiping his butt- seriously i had to go to the doctors office with this man so he wouldnt "leave" anything out). he picked me aprt so badly that i went away for four days ( with my child) to think things through ( i hadnt cheated at this point) yet things never changed, i came back he called me all the names in the book threw me around. Now i have been dating this person i have Known & dated before i even knew my husband, & he loves me more than words can say he is forgiving of the fact that i was with my husband as well as him, all he wants is to be with me and he's fighting tooth & nail, what to do ? try w/ the ex?

2007-01-10 13:54:32 · 10 answers · asked by Jane Doe 3 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

I dont know whether i can handle a lifetime of punishment with someone who enever admits when they are wrong, he is the textbook defintion of a verbal abuser and domestic violence case. And this other man is heaven waiting for me, i want to make it work with the ex but when is enough enough ? I know i was wrong and i admitted it, but we were happy until i cheated which is nt true, why would i cheat in the first place, he was making me feel like nothing. Should i forgive these thinsg he's saying or start a new life with the man of my dreams. reason i am asking is because leaving easier than learning and i am never one to take the easy road. When i saw the look on my ex's face today i just wanted to hide in a corner and never talk with him again. Btw Even though he knew i was with someone else and we were seperated he came over and sexually asualted me, which he says HE doesnt want to talk about because it makes HIM uncomfortable, am i looney tunes or what ?

2007-01-10 13:59:34 · update #1

And dont say i deserve everything or shouldnt have cheated, if i had filed for divorce he would have killed me, and it wasnt until someone else saw bruises on me until i knew something was wrong, and like i said i already admitted to being wrong but why cant he be held for accountablity... if i can be so can he right

2007-01-10 15:14:09 · update #2

10 answers

We cant make everyone see.
We cant force anyone to account.
These things come to each by degrees and with time.

2007-01-11 11:22:24 · answer #1 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0 0

Just because he abused you is not a good enough reason to cheat on your MARRIAGE, as well as your child. Did you forget that you took a vow, that you signed a marriage contract? If it was so bad in the marriage why didn't you file for divorce, and don't make your child the excuse for STAYING married. As for the other guy you are seeing he has no right to be "forgiving" of you being with your huband, he has no right dating you at all. HE is an adulterer.

2007-01-10 22:32:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You are dispicable for cheating. If he was abusive then you should have left prior to breaking one of the ten commandments. As far as I'm concerned you deserve every hit he gave you after you cheated. You can't justify infidelity by saying "he was abusive." You're lucky another guy wants you since you obviously can't be trusted. Both you and your husband are setting a poor example for your child. Save up for the shrink bills down the road. You're just looking for others to justify your actions by saying "he was abusive."

Leave the husband. You've been dating this guy already so you're already halfway there.

2007-01-10 22:25:04 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle G 1 · 0 0

your husband is someone who doesn't want to be held accountable for his wrongs, never wants to apologize, he may have been happy with his life but u certainly weren't, if u are with an abuser, than that is a good reason to leave the marriage, and get a divorce. as for the other man, wait till your divorced, don't give your husband any dirt he can use against u, stay away from the man till the divorce is final. good luck

2007-01-10 22:23:35 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0 0

Why Why why would you put yourself through this? meaning...allow yourself to stay miserable and to stay with someone that abuses you just for the child. If anything...the child is affected the most because children immatate what adults do. so you need to just go ahead and pack your bags and leave him. it's not worth putting your self thorugh so much crap just for the sake of the children. children are affected the most by abusive relationships (especially when it's the parents doing it). because then the child grows up thinking that it's alright to beat someone else up or think that it's alright to get beaten up for no reason. do you want that for your child? DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO GROW UP LIKE THAT? no. then you need to set the example and be the bigger adult in this situation and leave for the sake of you and your child. your husband has made his choices and are acting upon them by abusing you left and right. you have a simple choice to make. he is not changing. he will not change. but you can. you can continue to sit there and take his abuses and scar your child for life...or you can leave and help your child to grow up into a respectable healthy adult. it's your choice.

2007-01-10 22:05:45 · answer #5 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0 0

oh my--i see the only recourse it get as far away from the husband as fast as possible..if he is treating you this way you can be certain your child knows what is going on...if not for yourself-for your child..take heart-- you openly showed your flaws(cheating sucks) but if he will not "own up" to his faults- either start pressing charges or get yourself and your child out of that situation-let the next female he deals with face this crap--most women would not accept this behavior at all..in the end teach your child this is Not how a loving relationship is-might i suggest some therapy to help both you and your child..

2007-01-10 22:09:08 · answer #6 · answered by desseria5 2 · 0 0

u and ur child needs to get the hell out of there never try to stay cause of a child that hurts kids more then others know regardless of age u need to be with the other one forget about that sorry *** wanna be man

2007-01-11 00:12:10 · answer #7 · answered by debbie o 3 · 0 0

If your husband was abusive then dump him. You don't have to live like that, get a divorce and live for you and your child. good luck

2007-01-10 22:01:21 · answer #8 · answered by B 4 · 1 0

Honey, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but the marriage is OVER,has been for a very long time.

2007-01-10 22:04:57 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0 0

You kind of sound like your lawyer talking. You cheated, Now you are justifing it.

2007-01-11 05:42:59 · answer #10 · answered by Bill I 3 · 0 0

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