I am depressed! Should I or should I not be depressed as he loves me a lot! I am scared and confused.
2007-01-10 13:25:23 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ours is a love marriage ( almost 5 years of love )....we both love each other a lot...before marriage he used to show a lot of interest towards sex but as soon as we got married right from the first day he started ignoring having a sexual relationship. I am very possesive about him and had told him well before marriage infact right from the first day of our affair that I wanna live separately ,just with him, in a house and developed a lot of fatasies due to that, he was with me,but after marriage even to his surprise his parents came and settled down with us. I am very depressed because of this and I keep telling about this to him ...i understand he cant help but i feel its difficult for me to compromise so much.....if i have to compromise so much I feel i could have compromised little more and got married to a guy who my parents wanted me to marry. This is the reason he gives for not having any interest over sex. I feel I am punished which I never ever expected. So I am depressed.
2007-01-10 13:50:44 · update #1
THERE IS NO DOUBT FOR SEX YOU HAVE NICE ATMOSPHERE IN THE FAMILY LIFE. BUT THERE IS NO PROBLEM TO LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS IF THEY ARE NOT INTERFERING YOUR MARRIAGE LIFE. I THINK YOU WILL BE HAPPY WITH HIS PARENTS AND LIVE NORMAL LIFE AND SEE THE CHANGE.
2007-01-10 14:24:14 · answer #1 · answered by RAMAN IOBIAN 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say he told you that the reason he is not interested in sex is because he is punishing you for not accepting his parents living with you? Sounds as if he pretended to accept your wish of him and you living together with no one else without really meaning to. Is there a reason for his parents living with you two? Could you both work together to arrange for his parents to live comfortably somewhere else? I feel he is being unfair in punishing you for something you both had agreed upon before the marriage. You need to talk to him and see if he is willing to work on this issue for the best of all concerned. Otherwise you married a man who has not matured enough to the point that his parents can still control him. You should have looked deeper into his situation prior to marriage before you married him. I guess he feels once you put that ring on, he is the boss. Marriages as this hardly ever survive, where one spouse tries to control the other. Get counseling and my best to you.
2007-01-11 11:34:23 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello madam
it is nice to know that u want to have it and have lots of fantasy but dear going by ur saying he too had lot of interests in doing everything wat u wanted to do before marriage but he fells lot more uncomfortable with his parents around ...
i am a guy and would definitely feel uncomfortable with parents who are hyper-active in most of ur activities..... for that matter he has more fantasy and weird things to do with u ... that once he starts he might not control ... being in indian society something can never be materialize ... parents keep saying all sort of things .. i would say plan a tour not precisely a honeymoon say u have a friends marriage and would like to go out .. then surprise him new program if u don't have kids very good for u
coming to love marriage and arranged marriage ...here atleast the guy loves u there u will have face all this plus careless husband.... sex ofcourse galore without ur permission and interest ... since if a man loves u ..he will care for ur feelings .. i can assure ur husband care for u ....
there is another myth with indian men ..told from elders that if u get addicted to sex ... women try to blackmail him ... so assure him that u will never use it as weapon for blackmail and if he gives it when u want ... he too can expect to get it whenever he demands for ....
as my last suggestion read kamasutra and other related material and make a point to give him feeling of life time ..this time ..u can make him crazy for love life long ... plan a vacation and do every possible experiment... he is ur play ground dear
let god always be with u ....
2007-01-11 00:40:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U have little reason to be depressed. Atleast U R lucky 2 live with 1 U luv. Think of gud things when U hav elders around U. They can guide U, tell U, GAURD U, .........and baby sit UR child when U R out 4 a movie !! As far as SEX is concerned, try 2 B a little exotic (naughty) with UR buddy; anywhere and everywhere.
2007-01-10 23:00:22 · answer #4 · answered by ndeepuachari 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's normal to be depressed when your husband no longer is interested in sex. You probably feel rejected, unattractive, and afraid he is going to leave you! Is he on medication? More stress than usual? Those could be it. Or it could be a symptom of a deeper issue in your relationship! Is he angry at you about something? Is he maybe depressed about something? Have a heart to heart with him, see if he can tell you what is going on with him. You may even consider going to a marriage counselor together. Good luck!
2007-01-10 21:31:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello There
See i would like to tell you that mostly gents i mean males have a tedency to see their wives as their girl friends. See how does it go...after marriage every male has to see not only the interest of his wife but his parents too. He cant ignore anyone. He wants to keep each and every person satisfied.
Dont feel panic if your hubby's parents are livign with you, rather you should see it as an advantage.....they can give their valuable advice when u need it.....they can take care of your kids better than you, as they have much more experience than you have.
About your hubby's no interest in bed.....try to be as you were before marriage with him, dress like that.....talk in same language of take him to the place where you used to go before marriage. Kiss him in morning as Good Morning....... You will receive back lots of love.
Dont complain to him about his parents to him rather respect them.
2007-01-12 02:22:26 · answer #6 · answered by The Answering Machine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Lady,
You seem to be thinking too much about nothing. I understand your expectations before marraige have been shattered, but could you spend some time questining yourself if there was anything wrong in a son looking after his parents? If they are interfering in your daily routine then it is defenitely a thing to be worried about and needs to be sorted out with your husband.
coming to your husband accepting every word of yours while in love prior to marraige is but natural. That is what happens in love!! we dare not say no to the request of our lover in fear of losing them.
Life after marraige is defenitely an adjustment as two different people come to live together and both need to adjust to one another. In your case you have to adjust to the fact that your inlaws are a part of your family and see how well you could involve yourself with them and enjoy the company. Coming to the next point of sexual dissatisfaction, may be he has noticed your indifferent feeling to his parents and he is hurt. Make him feel you are happy with the family set up and talk to him openly on your depression. He will surely understand and both of you can lead a very happy life together.
Get over your fear and confusion accept reality and live your life to your fullest satisfaction.
2007-01-11 01:27:06 · answer #7 · answered by uday l 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should not be depressed, you should consider taking hubby to the doctor. he may be suffering from a sexual dysfunction. both men and women can suffer from low libido. almost always it can be easily treated.he probably finds you desirable, and loves you, he just has a treatable medical condition. go to the doctor. start with a family doctor, or urologist(if he has one).dont be scared.lots of people have similar problems
2007-01-10 21:35:55 · answer #8 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The better and the easiest way is to consult a psychologist and if advised ,a psychiatrist too. Yours is not a great problem, it seems. You will definitely achieve. Good luck.
2007-01-11 01:51:31 · answer #9 · answered by venu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always think as much as you can, before the gun is fired. But in your case, the gun has been already fired. It is your own choice and luck.
Better, be satisfied. & enjoy the future - life.by self control.
If you can't, then organise out goings with your husband.
Lastly, select some one, who can satisfy you & can keep your privacy too.
2007-01-11 01:16:09 · answer #10 · answered by kingofuniverse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋