I have learned that my Ex plans to remarry next month.....?

Question

Anhd he is not planning to have his teenaged sons (who live with me) attend. I think it is very important for them to go, and they want to be there when he marries, but I don't even think he will tell us until it is a done deal. How should we deal with this?

I am quite happy for my Ex and the boys know a wedding is in the planning, though he has not told them when. I am certain he will not invite them without intervention, because it would invole travel and missing a few days of school. They are veterans at the travel part. I have already suggested to the boys that they contact him (because although we are civil, on this one topic he has put me in the deep freeze). I sincerely hope that he will see that this is important to his relationship with his sons, as well as their's with the step mother and step-siblings (who will be present at the wedding).

Answer 1

I guess it depends on your relationship with your ex. If it's cordial, call him and let him know you're concerned about his sons not being at the wedding. Tell him that they want to be there. If he chooses not to include them, then the very least he can do speak with them face to face. Let him know you're concerned about how his actions will affect your sons and his relationship with them.

If your relationship is poor, then leave it alone. If he doesn't want his sons there, then keep them at home. Encourage them to call him, at least so they've made some effort to explain (calmly) how they feel. Don't encourage them to do anything spiteful or inappropriate, not matter how hurt or angry they may be. Just reassure them that it's their father's issue, not theirs. He'll have to explain himself one day.

If you can, plan an outing or weekend trip for that day. Make it something fun that you all can enjoy. Don't allow this slight to play on their minds.

Answer 2

Well, it's his choice. Your sons can call him and ask him about it though, but it would be best if you didn't get involved. If your relationship is stil very bitter and awful, then he probably thinks that your sons are not very interested in a wedding (because really what teenage guy is?) and that you are just trying to get an excuse to bother him more on his wedding day by either having an excuse to show up or using your sons. Seriously, if your sons have some abnormal interest in weddings, then let them call themselves and find them some other form of transportation that doesn't include you or someone on 'your side' of things. Teenagers are usually capable of travelling by themselves even if it's across the country.

Answer 3

KUDOS to you for your selflessness! Many women would go to Disney on that day!
You should let your ex know that the kids (for some strange reason) want to attend. Tell them that they would feel very hurt if they are not invited to attend and that this would most certainly affect the relationship with his new concubine
The rest is up to him.
Dont push the issue after that, just continue to be there for your kids.
the kids will know what dad's priorities are if he does this in secret and will respond to him and her accordingly! They will need you more than ever to reassure them that they are a priority in at least one parent's life

Answer 4

There's no "we" to it. If he can't see how crappy that is, then he deserves whatever shoddy relationship he has/will have with his own kids.

At the very least, his bride-to-be should be saying something. It just goes to show the selfishness that will define their relationship. Not inviting his own sons is a terrific start. Sounds like he's going to be stepping up to the plate a 3rd time before too long.

Answer 5

Perhaps your sons need to come to the realization that their father is an a**hole. Sorry but I find it odd that her children will be attending, but he would prevent his own children from attending. You should have a long talk with your children about how they feel, and they need to be open and honest with their dad about it. Do not try to feed them ideas though, because that puts alot of stress on the children.

Answer 6

It's very inconsiderate of your husband to neglect the feelings of his two boys. Do you share a civil enough relationship with him that you can raise this issue to him? I think he should be aware of the damage he could cause if he chooses to leave those kids out of a blessed and memorable day in his life. Good luck.

Answer 7

If you are still on speaking terms call him:

"Hi, John, this is Martha. Congrats on your coming wedding... our sons are really happy for you and would like to come, but they haven't received and invitation yet. Did it get lost in the mail? "


It's an out for him to quickly invite them thru you, and your sons will get to go. He is probably unaware that it is a bit rude not to have asked them.....

Answer 8

I would think considering your son's want to go that they must have contact with their father ? If that is the case, tell them to speak to him and let him know that they would be pleased to go. Perhaps he feels as they live with you they may not want to go. Either you speak to your ex or tell your son's to speak to him about it. Without communication no-one is ever aware of what's going on. Good luck

Answer 9

Can you and he still communicate effectively? He must invite his sons if he wants to have a relationship with them. Can you talk to him about this? Not only should they be there; they should be involved! What is he thinking?

Answer 10

do you know for a fact that your sons aren't going to be invited?
give dad a call, and tell him that your sons want to be there, see what he says. if he really doesn't want them there, let your sons know that you tried to talk to their dad and they aren't going to be welcomed there, and let their emotions for their father do their thing. you can only do so much. if they aren't there, dad and sons will have to work it out, you will need to be there for support for your sons, but won't be able to get anymore involved than that.