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There is an open first chapter of a published book of my work on a website. It is open for you comment. Please provide what you think and changes to perfect it. Please read the entire chapter before commenting. No copying is allowed or it will be considered plagerism. Thankyou.

www.freewebs.com/trailride/

2007-01-10 13:00:15 · 5 answers · asked by nicpiperloe 2 in Pets Other - Pets

www.freewebs.com/trailride/

2007-01-10 13:00:55 · update #1

http://www.freewebs.com/trailride/

(i'm trying to hyperlink it)

2007-01-10 13:01:39 · update #2

http://www.freewebs.com/trailride/

PLEASE OPEN THIS ONE IT IS HYPERLINKED!

2007-01-10 13:02:03 · update #3

Please give the sentence of the boo boo! Thanks

2007-01-11 12:32:08 · update #4

5 answers

I LOVED IT. It made me want to keep readind. I just loved the part when the horse and her jump over the fence. The whole thing about buying the big dangrous stallion is so totaly something I would do. I mean this story made me want to keep reading. Please tell us when you have chapter 2 done, or the whole book. I will buy it.!!!!!!!

2007-01-10 15:01:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You have started off well, and I'm intrigued as to where it will go, however, you need to find someone to help you with your grammar and structure. A lot of sentences could be broken into fewer sentences with the right structure. I like your idea, although you got a little more techinical than I think most readers would enjoy.
Good luck with it, you've got a great idea that any horse lover would read.

2007-01-10 13:20:48 · answer #2 · answered by Riley 4 · 0 0

Very good, espeically your first paragraph. I would indroduce the human characters a little better. Nice idea!

2007-01-10 13:53:07 · answer #3 · answered by The Animal Psychiatrist♬♪ 5 · 0 0

that was amazing you keep a great story line and i was so comptley interested in the story keep going you are doing great!!!


booksmilies@yahoo.com

2007-01-11 00:16:36 · answer #4 · answered by Killacam 3 · 0 0

its really good! there are a couple mistakes but nothing huge...things like ... you refered to Kaelah as "her" or "she" but at one part you said "my". just stuff like that. i like it tho!

2007-01-10 13:14:31 · answer #5 · answered by lj 5 · 0 0

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