My best friend and I have always been there for each other and always been honest and upfront. He recently got engaged. Now I want only the best for him and want him to be happy. Since he's been with this woman, he has dealt with her drug & alcohol use/abuse, her accusing him of abuse (which I KNOW is a lie and a direct effect of her using). He's told me about other issues which are not good but I don't want to go into details. I try and be there for him as best I can. He just told me that he's getting married to her. I didn't know what to say. I'm expected to be at the wedding and be 100% supportive of him. Now obviously I don't think he should be getting married. I haven't said anything to him. I don't know if I should continue to keep my mouth shut and pretend to be happy for him or if I should say something. My husband thinks I should stay quiet. What do you think?
2007-01-10 12:37:28 · 14 answers · asked by married2004 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Needless to say, you take a huge risk by saying something. Is your friendship worth the risk? What do you expect he would say to your comments? Do you think he would marry her regardless of your input? These are things to consider. If you don't think saying anything is going to stop him or at least make him ponder, then may be just as well to keep quiet. On the other hand, if he were to ask you your feelings, then that is an invitation to speak out in my book. But choose your words carefully. He should feel that your true concern is for him and not that you just do not like this woman. Plus if you bash her and he marries her anyway, he will always have the thought that you hate her...and he WILL make a choice. Probably one you wont like.
2007-01-10 12:48:16 · answer #1 · answered by sammiejane67 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stay quiet, It is THIS guy's life not your's and since HE has been the one dealing with everything HE would know whether he wanted to marry this woman or not. He made his choice in life, either you be supportive or not go to the wedding, of course that WILL probably put a damper on the friendship as well. See that's the thing about frienship...REAL friendship is when you love and support one another UNCONDITIONALLY...You're putting a condition on your friendship with this guy.
2007-01-10 22:07:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a Similar Question posted about a Week A Go!
Here is the Principle! IF your friends HOUSE were on Fire, would you Just Walk AWAY? And Not Say ANYTHING?
YES, YES, YES, Say Something!
Thanks, RR
2007-01-10 20:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree 100% with Saunder. Express your reservations.. only once. Maybe this woman gives him something that you don't see.. some of the worst things have happened on best intentions. It is his life, and as long as you will be there as his friend if he needs you.. then all will be ok.
2007-01-14 18:04:37 · answer #4 · answered by tootsie38 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should sit him down and remind him of what good friends you are. And tell him that in that aspect you want him to know how you feel. And tell him how you feel about it. Then tell him that even if he chooses to go ahead and marry that you will be there for him, only because you are his friend but that you really think its a mistake.
2007-01-10 20:53:51 · answer #5 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would definitely say something, if he is a good friend of yours, than he won't get mad at u. maybe he would appreciate your thoughts on it, how many of us wish someone had told us about the person before we married them. love is blind,maybe he is just so much in love he can't see what u can see. worth a try, it is always sad to see someone mess up their life, and get involved with someone who will just bring them heartache later on. if it were me and i was about to make the biggest mistake of my life, i would want someone to intervene, and save me from doing something i would later be sorry for.
2007-01-10 20:48:04 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you seen my best friend's wedding movie with Julia Roberts. If not, don't go any further....rent the movie and watch it. It might give you some insight.
2007-01-10 20:43:22 · answer #7 · answered by TM 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you can ask him some questions that don't cross the line.
Non-confrontational questions like.....
"John"....what is it about "Mary" that you like?
Why is she different than other girls you've dated in the past?
You're my friend & all I want is for you to be happy....do you think you can be happy forever with "Mary".
"John"....when are you and "Mary" going for pre-marital counseling".
Don't challenage him but just a couple questions to possibly make him think.
2007-01-10 20:45:04 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe a true friend would share their concerns. You can't make them listen but at least you know that you tried to warn them.
2007-01-10 20:45:41 · answer #9 · answered by mead1973 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, talk to your friend. once. then the decision is of course up to him. and what he decides, you'll have to abide by. and be a pair of ears for him when he needs a friend to talk to if things don't work out the way he wants them to.
2007-01-14 00:29:45 · answer #10 · answered by gypsysoul52 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋