Is there any stay at home moms out there?

Question

I had my first child (son) 4 months ago. So this is all new to me and life is very different. How do you keep yourself sane? I feel so alone everyday with my fiance at work and feel like I'm surrounded with nothing but my house. Also how do you get the motivation when you feel so down and alone. This has nothing to do with mothering my son (if any SAHM no what I mean)and this is also hard for me to ask. Thanks for any serious answers.

Answer 1

Being a SAHM is hard, no doubt about it. It can be lonely & isolating. I know, I felt the same way not too long ago.

The trick for me was 3-fold. 1) Get the hell out of the house. Do it. As soon as possible. I know it's winter out, but you can go to a mall and go walking. If you're worried about spending money, leave all but enough funds to get something to eat/drink at home. Your son will probably love the stroller/baby carrier/Baby Bjorn/etc. walk through the mall. If you're not into malls, go to a museum, grocery store, ANYWHERE. Just get out and about. Better yet, if it's warm where you live, take a walk outside. The fresh air would be good for both you and your baby. I guarantee the exercise will make you feel much better.

2) Call a friend or family member you trust. Talk about your feelings with them. See if you can get together with them soon for lunch, even if your baby needs to come with.

3) Do a search under SAHM and the name of your county or state. Many times there are groups of SAHM's that meet together. You could also call your local library and or hospital and see if there's any mother/baby groups out there.

I know it's hard. You're probably in a rut and the hardest part is getting out of the rut. I've been there too, and I tell you that it does get better if you can get out of the house frequently. Being a SAHM is hard, but it's not healthy to be barricaded in the house all the time.

I have to say though, because I wouldn't be a very responsible mom if I didn't, that if you're feeling really blue, having feelings of hurting yourself or your baby, please contact your doctor immediately.

Good luck & all the best.

PS: I found the message boards on babycenter.com to be very helpful when I was going through much of the same thing.

Answer 2

Get out of the house!!! I'm a stay at home mom, and even with the kids, I feel so much more sane when I get out and do things. With such a small baby, you can still do most of the things you did before...I spent a lot of time at the book store and walking to the grocery. Went to the library, furniture stores, any place that was open really! Added bonus, doing all of these things NOW while he's little, means that he'll grow up there, and it'll be easier for him to know how to behave when he's older. Kids who are isolated and then thrown into situations frequently are the ones who misbehave.

I found a really great friend who had a baby a week before me, and we hung out together at our houses...even if the kids were too young to play, we'd put them on a blankie on the floor and joke about playgroups. We'd watch TV and make fun of the shows.

Sometimes feeling down has to do a lot with the hormones after having a baby, so talk to your OB about it. If I can make a suggestion (not being a doctor, but having lots of experience with it) you might look into taking a supplement like fish oil or flaxseed. The journal of American medicine recently reported a study in which Omega acids found in fish oil, flaxseed, safflower, etc helped people with SEVERE depression, and suggested that it would likewise be helpful in people who have the blues and such. I started taking it twice a day (Omega complex, with 1200 mg) It really makes a big difference, and even my kids can tell when I skip it.

I wish you the best, it's such a hard time of life right now. It's a huge change to go from being just yourself to having a family.

Answer 3

Try to find a moms group. If you are nursing, find a laleche league. I was a SAHM for the first 10 months(still am, kinda) and it was really hard, because there were no groups where Iw as living, at least none in English.

Now, I live someplace where there is a playgroup once a month in one place, another that is twice a week, and LLL meets once a month.

Its a great way to meet other moms, have the babies play, etc.

Where I lived when my son was first born, they had a weekly group at the hospital too.

Check out all those places, and since you are online, do a search for moms groups, play groups, etc.

Answer 4

I'm a stay at home mom and I love it! Although, I do know what you mean, you can go stircrazy sometimes! Get out of the house and do some activities with your son. There are many mom and baby groups out there for you to join. It gets you out of the house and gets you in touch with other stay at home moms! Try joining a baby and mommy swim class, church group, or exercise group. There are alot of choices for us sahm's :) Also, if your are feeling overwhelmed, have someone look after your little one, one morning/afternoon/evening a week and go out with the girls or your hubby. Sometimes just a few hours out without the baby can do wonders for your sanity.

If you are feeling down and really alone, I suggest you see your doctor, it could possibly be post-pardom depression your experiencing.

Answer 5

I have been a SAHM for 13 months now and I felt the same way in the beginning.......disconnected with the world and alone. Then I realized that I wasn't trapped in the house by myself. That's what carseats are made for:) I started taking my son to mommy and me classes once a week so that I could connect with other adults, then I signed him up for a membership at Gymboree so that he could interact with other kids his age and I could interact with other mommies. I go out to lunch with friends and bring him along, we go to the zoo and for walks (when the weather is nice) and when the weather is too cold to go outside, I just take him to the mall and we walk around and look at stuff and there is an indoor playground at our mall so he can play for a while with the kids. Look online for playgroups in your area or Gymboree. Pack him up in his carseat and get back out in the world!! You will start to feel so much more sane if you do. Also, remember that it is sooooooooo important for you to take time for yourself too!!! Plan a day that hubby can watch baby for a couple hours (or grandma) and go get a massage or a pedicure or just go shopping. You need that! A mommy who takes care of herself is a happier and more relaxed mommy:) Also find a sitter and go out with hubby once in a while. You aren't just parents, you are still a couple and it's important to keep reconnecting. After a few more months you will settle into more of a routine and life will begin to seem normal again. Don't try to be supermom.......just be healthy and happy mom! Good luck!

Answer 6

I completely understand how you are feeling. I have two kids an 8yo and now a 6wo. My 2nd child wasn't planned and I have had a bit life change as I was really career focused. I don't have many friends and my husband is working long hours also. I am feeling a little flat and have no motivation to do anything. In 2 weeks they are starting a new mother's club in my area as hard as it will be for me to do it I am going to make the break and go. Do they have things like this in your area???

Answer 7

I know how you feel. I have a 5 month old and went from working to staying at home. I was very happy to be a mom but was mourning the loss of my old life (coming and going as I pleased etc.) Here is what I have done that has made the adjustment much easier. I don't wear sweats around the house. I always dress nice and wear makeup. If you look good you feel good! I stay at home until 3pm- that way I am home so the baby can get good morning and afternoon naps. I usually make dinner ahead of time in the AM and clean. For the afternoon nap I like to bake, read a magazine or some other activity I find fun. After my son wakes from his afternoon nap we either run a few errands or usually I take him to the mall- he loves to watch people and loves all the lights/sounds. I get Starbucks and hang out with my son for an hour and just chat with him and people watch. It makes a BIG difference getting out of the house. We come home, play for a few minutes and read a book, he gets a bath, bottle and is in bed by 6:00. My husband comes home and we eat dinner together, have adult conversation and then watch TV or go online and I get a few loads of laundry done. I keep a tight schedule like this is a job (one I have learned to love!) I also have a babysitter come in 1 afternoon a week so that I have some alone time for just me to do whatever I want. Any appt. or a massage, mani pedi etc.
Sometimes I go to my old office and have lunch with my old coworkers. There are lots of activites for new moms...you can check out babyboot camp.com to see if there is a stroller exercise class in your area. (I started to do one where I live and it was fun but it was at a bad time frame for me- nap time for my son and I think it is important for baby to nap at home in his crib and not a stroller) You can motivate yourself by just thinking what an important role you play in your child's development and how he will benifit from having a happy well adjusted mom. I struggled (and cried and cried ) about being suddenly in this life at home alone with a little man who did nothing but cry, eat and poop. Now we have a great time together and I look forward to my husband coming home and am proud to have dinner for him, a baby peacefully sleeping and my husband appreciates the fact that I look put together. My husband has helped me alot by calling in a few times a day to check in and hear stories of our day. I look forward to his calls- someone to talk "adult" to for a few minutes and to laugh at our baby's adventures of the day. Good luck- hope this gave you some encouragement and maybe some ideas...you are not alone!

Answer 8

I am a stay at home mother. I have 3 kids and the ages are 6 years, 4 years, and 3 months old. I just have to keep myself busy and play with the kids. I make my self get busy if I am down. But some times you just have to be lazy. Remember you have to rest to and take care of your self. I think staying home with the kids is the best thing for children until they go to school.

Answer 9

I know exactly how you feel! I finally decided to join a direct sales company just to get out of the house two nights a week (or as many times as I can). LOL. Plus, it's hard leaving them to go to a 9-5 job but by doing this I can live the best of both worlds. If you ever want to chat IM me or send me an e-mail I check my e-mail often. Good luck!

Answer 10

I am a stay at home mom and yes I had the same debiliating feeling at first. All I can suggest is doing something that you have been wanting to do...take a class (art, cooking, book club, swimming,) whatever! and that will help you feel more connected to your community. Take up a hobby...Gardening...sewing....scrap booking. Take your baby for long walks in his/her stroller. That always works for me. What I have arranged for myself is doing educational courses online..that is something that keeps my mind engaged. I also go to the gym to get exercize...and when I start to feel really bored I take my baby in her stroller and go shopping or for long walks. That works wonders. Meet other moms through your community because there are tons of people out there in the same situation you are who just want to get out of the house. Having coffee and being social will help immensely. My baby is also four months old and I am taking her to a swimming class on saturdays now. I am also going to a library where they have "read with your babies" sessions to meet other moms. Its what you make it. Ive been taking my baby out since she was two weeks old and it probably makes her happier too.