Regarding a camping trip....can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more that includes these phrases?

Question

1. And I am assuming you know the way back.
2. I either just saw a VERY large deer or Bigfoot is in these woods!!
3. I know,I know.....stay close to the lodge....blah,blah,blah.
4. Please tell me you brought batteries for the flashlight.
5. Uh huh,uh huh.......that isn't REALLY your plan, is it?!
6. There's no place like home.

It is not homework. I am a 58 year old who loves creative answers....blah,blah,blah.

Answer 1

Peter turned to Susan, with a deep frown across his face. "You do know the way back don't you Susan?"

"No, says Susan. I am assuming you know the way back. I think we should turn back the same way we came from earlier."

Peter, glancing back over his shoulder, then says "I either just saw a VERY large deer or bigfoot in these woods!"

Susan looks over, then waves her hand to dismiss these ridiculus claims. "Lets just get back shall we, its beginning to pour down with rain, I'm already soaked through!" You should know better.

"I know, I know.... stay close to the lodge, blah blah blah. Don't go on about it like every other Friday evening, please."

Susan glares back at him. All her moanings weren't sinking through to Peter, they never had and probably never will. "Please tell me you brought the batteries for the flashlight? We won't make it back otherwise, I don't want to spend another night in that damm lodge you build last year, its cold and draughty in there. Lets just sit here then instead, and wait for help to find us?"

Peter replied. "Uh huh, uh huh....that isn't really your plan is it? It is so embarassing when we need to call for help."

Susan didn't bother to reply, she pulled out her mobile and rang the house phone. It rang and rang, until her son picked up the call. She explained what had happened, and that they needed help again. Afterall, the empty vodka bottle and beer cans were in her way, and she wasn't feeling too steady on her feet. Neither was Peter, he looked pretty green under the moonlight sky.

A minute of two after the call Susan had made, the patio lights came on; and her son Simon opened the back door and called out for his parents to come in, it was after three in the morning afterall.

Peter and Susan held on to each other, and walked the path back to the house, passing the clothes line along the way, with Peters Christmas t-shirt hanging on the line with the printed picture of a Reindeer.

Together they clambered through the back door, and sat down in the kitchen chairs, relieved at last to be out of the rain and in the warmth of home.

Susan says to Peter, "Another beer love?", pulling two cans from her pocket.

"Yes, why not. There's just no place like home. But we really shouldn't store all the beer in the garden shed."

Answer 2

Col. Mustard ,might want to you be any more effective deranged That Polish maid is making eyes at you ,lower back contained in the library. by way of how,the in consumer-friendly words way you'll nicely be more effective ineffective as we communicate might want to be in case you truly were the wall. nicely Are we having relaxing yet?

Answer 3

We had only just arrived on the edge of the forest and found ourselves a nice level grassy area to pitch our tent when out of the trees came running three girls of about nineteen. They were quite beautiful and when Seannie asked them what the problem was the big blonde girl with the ponytail almost screamed in a lilting American accent 'I either just saw a very large deer or Bigfoot is in these woods!!!'. 'What the heck is a bigfoot' asked Seannie. 'Exactly like the Abominal Snowman, only black or brown'. I don' think that made any sense to Seannie either as he just said 'Probably a browned-off Corkman'.
As the kettle was just about to boil, we offered them a cup of tea. 'Any coffee' they asked in unison. 'Sorry' I answered 'but we only have tea and cake'.
Even though it was high summer up the Wicklow Hills, it was beginning to get darker and it was only 9.30pm. One of the girls began to rummage through her small shoulder bag and produced a torch. She began to flick the switch but nothing happened. The one with the pigtail asked in panic 'Please tell me you brought batteries for the flashlight'. 'Don't worry' piped in Seannie 'see if the ones from our radio fit it and you can have them'.
'Typrical' I thought 'now I will have to listen to him singing all night after he has had a few pints of Guinness'. Once again, he read my mind and came out with the classic phrase 'Don't worry Mick' he whispered 'I have a plan'. The dark haired girl who was next to him stood up and asked 'And what plan might that be'.
Seannie had obviously been scheming in his dirty little mind, but right now he needed a plausable answer. 'Well now' says he 'now that you have the torchlight you can make your way back through the forest, and I am assuming you know the way back'. 'And what's the alternative' she asked. 'Well now' Seannie saw his chance to make a suggestion, one that he had in his mind from the moment he first saw them. 'Well, he said 'you three could sleep in our tent and we could sleep outside until the morning. Then we would take you back'. 'And what do you think my father would say, after all it was he who suggested , I know, I know...stay close to the lodge....blah, blah, blah. He will go bonkers if we don't return'
Suddenly, the blonde with the ponytail stood up 'Is your name Seannie Murphy by any chance' she asked. 'Yes' he answered 'why?'. 'Well for your information Mr. Murphy' she pointed her finger at him as she spoke 'the lady in the lodge warned us to keep an eye out for you. She told us to keep well clear of you if we came across you. We're off'. With that they walked back in the direction of the woods.
Just as they entered the now dark woods using the torchlight, Seannie grabbed me and began to drag and pull me towards the woods. 'What on earth are you up to now Murph' I asked. 'I have a plan' he says as we entered the woods where we could see the light of the flashlight in the distance.
As we neared it, Seannie began breaking branches off the trees and making the weirdest noises through his nose. 'I'm Bigfoot' he whispered. The girls were now in panic and Seannie now dragged me back towards the clearing and the tent.
Exactly as he had planned, we were quickly followed by the girls running, tripping up and screaming. They ran straight into the tent following by Seannie asking 'What happened?'.
So there we were, in the middle of nowhere with three beautiful young women in the tent.
Suffice is to say, that we had a wonderful night. We took the batteries back and put them in the radio. We played sweet music all night and next morning after giving them a good cooked breakfast we returned them to the lodge where in fact the father had not even missed them.................
'Bigfoot' I said to Seannie. 'All is fair in love and war, Mick' he replied with that wonderful cheeky smile of his.......................