ex seeing our son?

Question

I really don`t know how to handle this again,i let my bf see our son as i have no right stopping him,this was the last time he left us,he never phoned to see how he was or came over when he said he would,he was out getting drunk.

We got bk together 5 mths ago and he`s left us again.The last time he laft my son was in a real state,he wouldn`t want to come bk home when i took him out,he has learning difficulties and still cant speak although he`s 4.I`m trying to explain to him but he doesn`t understand,i know my ex has the right to see him but he has just started making a little progress and i don`t want to jeapordise that.I really don`t know what to do for the best,i`m going to hurt one of them and i cant do it to my son.He`s already starting to get unsettled and crying again and pointing to his dads side of the bed looking for him.i just don`t know how to handle this for his sake.I`m the one who will be left to pick up the pieces again and deal with my son when his dads goes,help???

Answer 1

This must be so difficult for you, and it's clear that your son is your top priority.

Get custody. This doesn't mean that you have to deny your ex the right to see your child, but it DOES mean that you have the ability to control the terms under which that visitation happens.

The thing with children with learning disabilities is often that they crave routine even more than other kids do. You have to provide a safe and steady and reliable environment for your boy. If this means denying visitation until your ex can prove to your satisfaction that he is going to be reliable about arriving at the stated time, and be sober when he visits, then so be it.

With rules in place, it's up to you to be generous. Never downtalk your ex to your son. It's more important than parents realise, and children are often more sensitive to tension than anyone thinks. It's important for your son to have his father in his life - so don't use visitation as a means of punishing your ex for his previous or present behaviour. Just make rules that everyone understands, and all stick to them.

I don't think that this will, in the long run, hurt your ex. It might remind him that parenthood is a responsibility. If he can't realise that, then it may be better for him not to be involved, at least until your boy is older, and better equipped to deal with the trauma of such an erratic parent. He might just need a kick to make him realise he can't go around being a jerk to your son.

It sounds like your ex might have a problem with alcohol. Clearly you care about him. But also clearly your son must come first.

Explain clearly as you can to your son that his daddy still loves him but that he has to live elsewhere now. Just keep telling him that, and stay calm and reassuring as you can. You have to make a life for the two of you that is sturdy enough to stand up to having a loose unit dad in the picture.

Be the better person, be kind to your ex, speak well of him to your son, and try and enable as much visitation as possible. But NOT at the expense of your son's security. Be tough, and fair as you can. But take control of the situation.

You can do it!

Answer 2

My 2 three hundred and sixty 5 days previous waited daily for 2 weeks for his dad to come back homestead even as he left me. I had to break his coronary heart each nighttime and tell him he wasnt coming lower back. His Father now chooses now to not see him or his brother, because i made myself extremely sparkling that if he might want to visit them he might want to benefit this on a standard foundation. It could be even harder for you that your son has issues yet your accurate, they comprehend even as some thing is incorrect. each toddler no be counted what the problem needs recurring and stability. I cant allow you to comprehend what to do yet as his mom you'll make the right determination on your son. you comprehend what works and what doesnt. As for basically both of you, its not hassle-free artwork yet take him out daily keep his options off what is going on, they do no longer ignore rapidly yet childrens are extremely distracted!!(I honestly are growing a pro at this) keep reminding your son that his mum is there and that she isn't going everywhere. My sons frustration become worry that i become going to leave. Thats the in consumer-friendly words suggestion i'll supply. Take care x

Answer 3

let your ex take you to court your doctor will support you , it is obviously having an affect, you can go see womens rights too dont be afraid to tell them everything they will advise you on best course of action, my ex does not see his son and after 6 yrs the csa decided to make him pay £4.95 per week for him but no payback for first 6 yrs doesnt matter that i gave up my career when i had him and then couldnt even go back part time work because once my son started school my daughter came along severely disabled i have to spend all the time i got spare with her

Answer 4

I recognize your story from another one of your previous posts. You need to go to court and get legal custody of your son, inform them of how he abandoned him, and that he is unreachable. This man will not be allowed to see his son if he is refusing to stay constant in the boys life. Your son doesnt need a selfish/absent father, so its best to keep them away from one another.

Answer 5

You need to do what's best for your son. He's the most important thing in your life right now.

Answer 6

you were in the wrong to get back with your ex when you knew he was a bad person. You did this to your child. Leave the ex for good and if he wants to visit let him but only supervised. If hes gets drunk its not ok to be around the kid

Answer 7

dont let him back if thats what u are suggesting think of ur son...he needs routine and dependeable parents in his life i would also suggest therapy before he gets to bad

Answer 8

first and foremost you do not have to let the boy's dad see him at all unless he pays child support for the boy. It would be better to have him stopped if it is upsetting the boy.

Answer 9

he has the right! he is still the dad. he is still the father of your son.. unless he dont pay attention to your sons needs.