really uncomfortable in college...?

Question

Right now I'm about to start my second semester of college away from home, and so far, it has so far been a really uncomfortable experience for me. Coming from extremely over-protective parents who have always kept me sheltered, it's been very hard to interact with other people and go out in public. I'm uncomfortable to the point that I sit in the back corner of the cafeteria everyday facing the wall and filled with lots of anxiety doing so. Of course I don't go out anywhere with friends or anyone, but just walking out of my dormroom I am very uncomfortable. Like, I know college is a bit of an adjustment for most people, but it's already been a few months and I hate living here more and more. Yes, I did have this problem in public school, but it's worse being on my own, especially with a roommate I don't get along with and no friends. Does or did anyone have a problem similar to this, and if so, is there anyone that could help? Thanks in advance. :)

Thanks a lot for the overwhelming number of responses thus far.. I really appreciate it! When coming here I actually joined the cross country team since running has been the only thing keeping me busy for the last 7 years. Didn't work out to well though due to serious health problems. Searching through all of the other clubs at my school, I have no interest in any of them, unfortunately (sorry, I'm really dull). As for medication, I am strongly against that, but maybe a psychologist or something may help if I can find one. As for the parent issue, even though I am 19, I still get the "you live under my roof you live under my rules" schpiel. Also, I don't want to be really social as in partying, drinking, etc, but I would just like to be comfortable around people without stressing...

Answer 1

Maybe you should see a counselor- this sounds like social anxiety... It can be improved.
Aside from the professional help, have you thought about joining any clubs or activities on campus? Getting into a group where you have something in common with the other members may make conversation easier for you. Once you have a comfort zone, you can branch out from there.

Answer 2

You know, college isn't for everyone. Maybe you could consider online courses so you wouldn't have to be on campus or perhaps go to a college close to home where you could commute. But if you choose to stay at the college you are at now, I would suggest you find the chaplan at the school and perhaps join a group of some sort and make friends within that group. The schools usually have groups that are of specific interests to the students and perhaps you could find a group that has something you are interested in and meet people in that group that have your same interests. It's a small stepping stone but perhaps will make you feel more comfortable in this particular environment. I have two daughters in college at this time and it was hard for them to make the transition also, it is never easy for anyone. Good Luck to you. If you need to talk you may E mail if you like. You can talk to me or my girls as they are home doing their internships until February and then are going back to college. One is a junior and one a senior. The junior is in Occupational Therapy and the Senior is Elementary Education. I am sorry you are so uncomfortable there, it really can be a good experience. Perhaps you could look into a smaller school too. Anyway, I am [e-mail].

Answer 3

I was also very uncomfortable when I was adjusting to college. Because I had always enjoyed riding bikes, I decided to race with the cycling team. That meant I spent a few hours every day with the same girls and on the weekends we all got together. We ended up introducing our friends to each other and had a huge social circle. They were like my sisters.

When I started college, I was very much like you: smart, but my social skills were not well developed. Being on the cycling team helped me develop as a person, as an athlete, and as a student. I don't know what I would have done without the experience.

I'm not suggesting you join the cycling team, but find a club to join, that fits in with your interests, and meets regularly. It is a great way to meet people.

If you're having trouble finding activities, you like to do, try activities you're not really sure about. That is the only way to find out if they are interesting or not. Also, going to church is a great way to meet people of all ages. If you have not already gone to church, and are not sure of your religious beliefs, I would not suggest visiting an evangelical church. Rather, Episcopal, Presbyterian, and Methodist denominations tend to be less overwhelming to newcomers. You might also like to try going to temple, a mosque, or even a Buddhist meditation group. Who knows?

The idea is for you to explore and define your interests. When you are involved in organizations and activities, you will have many opportunities to interact with people and develop your social skills.

Hang in there! You'll start feeling comfortable soon. Some people develop more academically in college, and some people develop more socially. It is a great place to learn about yourself apart from your family and close friends. College really has a way of balancing people out. I'm so glad I stuck it out. I have a good career and close friends. If I hadn't stayed in college, I don't think I would have become the happy, well-adjusted person I am today.

Answer 4

Here are a few things you can do. Try taking small steps first and then go from there. Instead of going to the Caf during the busiest time try going when its not as busy. Instead of facing the wall, try turning half ways around. Believe it or not, your not the only person facing these problems you just have to find someone to relate to. Not everyone gets along with there roommates and sometimes that's because you'll don't have the same interests or similarities. I hung out in the library alot and believe it or not that's where I met alot of great people. Another thing you need to do is stand up and confront your parents because I think you'll feel a hella-lot better if you let them know what you're facing because of their actions. Goodluck :)

Answer 5

I can understand that college can be a difficult social adjustment. I am in my third semester of college and I find the mass amount of people to be socially daunting. I wish there was a magic answer I could give you that would make everything better. There are two things I would suggest. Talk to the people you sit next to in class. I find that to be hard and a little scary, but I have made friends by just talking to the people next to me. Having those friends makes college life a lot easier. My next suggestion and the most important one is to talk to a counselor. I assume your college has a counseling office for students. Just drop in and ask to talk to someone. I am sure they will be friendly and helpful. Chances are they have helped people with the adjustment before. I hope this helps. Also, I would remember that you are not alone, everyone has a difficult time adjusting to college, and we all show that in different ways.

Answer 6

i know it seems uncomfortable now but make a few friends and spend a lot of time with them and then before you no it you will be really comfortable and having a great time. If it helps call your family a few times a week and that might help your homesickness. Join groups or sorority's. Hang with people that you can relate to. It will help. Do things there that you enjoy and then you might not hating it there so bad and try getting along with your roommate. If you looked you might have something in common other than hating each other. Always give somebody a chance and you might not regret it. When you graduate you will make memories that will last a lifetime. Good Luck!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

I was extremely anxious and depressed all through high school. I went to college and had an awesome roommate who was like a brother. We smoked out probably 4 or 5 nights out of the week. I got to know the people on our floor (and the nearby girls' floor) a little better. I had the most amazing three months of my life at college before I dropped out and came home in November. I just stopped going to class. It may seem like the indulgence was what made me stop going to class, but it's really not that simple. I missed a few days and did not want to face going back after being gone, and it just got worse. I was definitely smart enough to be there. I wanted to be there. But, I just couldn't get myself out of bed.

I went back there to go to school once, four years later. I did basically the same thing.

I don't have a whole lot of advice for you. Get interested in something new to remove yourself a little. Music, books, whatever. It works for me to be a few inches off of the surface of my worries - I'm much better able to deal with them.

Answer 8

Most colleges have peer group, check online and with the student afairs office(may be different name) . First you need to know that there are many kids such as yourself. Your not weird or anything like that. Many groups and activities are good places to spend that extra time instead of sitting there bored, when your alone you have more time to think of how bad things are . Get out, go to places where there are poeple. you dont have to interact with them, but just being around people.so your not sitting in that room. I totally understand the social issue your having. Going off to college is very tramatic for some young people. Please give it your best to stay, once things settle down some you want regret waiting and sticking with it. if you need to talk ,
[e-mail]

Answer 9

My heart goes out to you . . . I wish I could just give you a big hug and tell you everything will be okay. I have social anxiety also . . . not to the extent of which you are speaking but I was extremely uncomfortable in social situations. I cannot stess to you enough how important it is to talk to a psychologist. There are medications out there that will really help you. You would be astonished if you knew the amount of people your age on Paxil, Zoloft, Lexapro, etc. Your feelings are much more common than you think. Please, contact someone tomorrow!!! The sooner the better!!! Good luck to you!!!

Answer 10

Make your self get involved with on campus activities, clubs, ect...

the more you motivate your self to be involved the easier it will be and more fun! It's hard when you first leave home anytime whether it's for college or just moving out but sitting and pondering on how miserable you are is obviously going to make it worse....if your roomie isn't helping the case then apply for a new one. After the second semester you will be able to move off campus and it will probably make the whole school experience more pleasurable!