How can i make her my friend again??

Question

Hi everyone! im a guy and my best friend is a girl, her name is Ashley. We've known each other for about 2 years now. We met at a workshop program in 12th grade and since then we became very bonded. She had her share of friends and i had my own, but no matter what, we would always do many things 2gether and have so much fun. as time went bywe became very bonded, we never felt anything for each other beyond friendship, she became like a sister to me in the longterm. Everybody used to tell me that there was a natural bond between her and i, many even used to think she was my girlfriend(which she never was by the way) because we would get along so well. We used to hang out a lot and do many things together, even when she used to have a boyfriend, nothing changed between us. And whenever she would have a problem, she would come ask me for advice. she was the type of friend with whom u can be without sayin a word sometimes and still feel very comfortable. We later on moved to college, and our friendship continued the same way even though we had met new people. We used to go out every friday and talk on the phone for hours almost everyday. we made our group of friends but still our friendship was the same. But around the end of the first semester, she bonded with a group of girls, which werent bad people at all. She started hangin out more with them, something i wasnt against because i know that a girl always likes to hang out with other girls and do things they cant do with male friends. I was ok with it, because she would balance her time spent with them and with me, and we would still talk on the phone everyday and do our things. She would sumtimes invite me to go out with her and her other friends still, so everything was kool, until the last day of the first semester, were we all went in a group to a club, i had a couple of drinks and later that night i was very rude to her(verbaly). we didnt talk to each other during the whole break, even tho i asked to forgive me through a phone talk. So i got myself a girlfriend during that break and made new friends. When we came back to our second semester, we started talkin again and she told me the next day that she needed some help buying her textbooks online. That day i went to her house and spent the whole day with her buyin her books and playing around, we had so much fun and laughed so much, to the point that our friendship was pressumably restored. Then the next night she called me to talk to me about some problems she was having with her boss at her job and i gave her all the advie i could. I thought our friendship had gone back to normal, but apparently i was wrong. The next day she barely talked to me at college, and then the next day she started actin kind of indifferent towards me, even yesterday, i was sittin in the computer lab and some other guys we both know were around me, she started actin very friendly with them(just the way she used to act with me in the past) and ignored me completely, she didnt say a word to me at all. And she doesnt seem mad at me, she just seems indifferent, like she is trying to push me apart. Also, today she sat in another area in one of our classes with her other friends even tho she used to sit around me all the time. Now im worried about my our friendship.. where did the bond we used to have go? today i hearcd her talkin to her frineds about a gettogether they are having this weekend, and they invited some other gys to it, she would normaly invite me, but she hasnt sad a word to me about it yet.. what is wrong between us?? i need some advice on this. what can i do to bring our friendship back?? i miss her, i miss talkin to her on the phone, i miss goin to the movies with her, i miss makin jokes along with her, i miss the old Ashley.. i miss that special frinedship we used to have, i dont feel anything romantic towards her and i never did, all i want is my friend back. Is there something i can do?? i have my friends and all, but i dont care for none of them as much as i care for her, she is a especial friend to me, but it seems she doesnt realize that. Please! i need some advice!! am i doin something wrong?? And its weird, because despite her attitude, she still has me as her top friend in myspace, i dont get it, whats wrong?? this is so confusing!! please heelp me! thank u very much in advance, hope i didnt bore with my essay... :'(

Answer 1

It seems like she is not completely over the entire situtation yet. A lot of times people have a tendency to try to get "even." If you hurt me I'll still be your friend but I want to hurt you as much as you hurt me just so you know how it feels. Now interestingly enough... you just wish to harm another person on purpose... and thats what it seems like she is trying to do to you. Don't call her on it though... just let her know you understood that you hurt her but you want things to go back the way they were.

Three possible outcomes should happen.
One - She forgives and you guys move back to how you were. Close friends.

Two - She forgives but continues to feel the urge to make you feel bad just a little... cause she feels you hurt her that much.

Three - She decides that what you did is unforgiveable and calls it all off.

My guess would be something along the lines of 1 and 2 as she knows how to be civil with you when she needs something from you.

Answer 2

Hi James:

Your entire story sounds very much like a story that my best friend and I had in school and his name happened to be James also. We were the best of friends and like you and Ashley we had our own group of friends also. However, we really never had a bad falling out other than he began using some heavy duty drugs and I did as well and WOW what a number that did on our friendship. Of course we grew very far apart and many, many things were said and done by each of us but the basic thing was that we grew up quickly and grew apart quickly. It sounds like to me that Ashley may be maturing at a much quicker rate than you. And by all means I am not saying that you are not mature as it sounds like to me that you have certainly owned up to what you did and made your apologies rather quickly. I am not judging at all, but you need to give Ash some space for a while. If you have told her exactly how you feel and that you are sorry then that is all that you can do at this point. It is up to her to forgive you. Don't keep beating yourself up!!! Sounds as though you have done a really good job so far. Again give Ash some room to miss you and the friendship. I can tell you from experience and my friend James and I have reconnected in a way that has been absolutely wonderful for the both of us. We are both in committed relationships and love our significant others immensely however, they both know that our friendship is very, very important to us. We see each other on a regular basis, talk via internet daily and things could not be better, some 28 years later. Don't give up yet, sweetie, the best of friendship is yet to come.

Answer 3

Should I Apologize [Again]? :
- Why Is It So Hard to Apologize?
- Apologizing--A Key to Making Peace
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2002/11/1/article_01.htm

The Drinking Trap---Are You at Risk? :
- Alcohol Misuse--A Social Catastrophe
- Alcohol Misuse and Health
- Breaking the Chains of Alcohol Abuse
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2005/10/8/article_01.htm

When one allows themself to get into situations where they are not in control of themself or able to think clearly, they do have a problem ... Perhaps she has just recognized this, & is waiting for you to realize it for yourself.

Good Friends--Bad Friends
- The Need for High Moral Values
- Sizing Up Potential Friends
- The Most Important Things to Have in Common
- Benefiting From Differences in Age
- Improving Your Friendships
- You Can Have True Friends
http://watchtower.org/e/20041208/article_03.htm
.

Answer 4

maybe she liked you the whole 2 years ypu've been friends...and you never saw that she had feelings for you and she got tired of waiting..maybe she wanted to be more than friends and u never made a move in her..after a while when someone is inlove wiht someone and that smeone ignores her feelings it becomes hate..
maybe thats why..i mean i dont know really...because i never met anyone guy/girl best friend and never hookep up..you treated her like a sister and maybe she wanted more from that..and she was afraid to tell you and she just want you to see it in your own eyes...like i said maybe she got tired waiting met new friends and met new guys and moved on..
i mean i feel bad if she just ignored you for no reason..
she has to have a reason why shes not close to you anymore..
best thing for you to do is..to call her or maybe hang out with just her and ask her why she is acting like that..
its better to get the answer from her...because she know the right answer...
this way you dont have to wonder why she changed...and if there is no reason or the reason is not good enough for her to act like that then shes a good friend that went sour..
and i friend like you dont deserve a friend like that ..she threw your friendship away...

Answer 5

She forgave you for your verbal outlash and that is good, but she will never forget it either. You really need to talk to her because only she knows what's what. You helped her make some purchases and maybe that is one of the problems? Unless she paid you back? Call her or go see her and speak what's on your mind. I hope things will clear up between you both as long as you both keep the lines of communication open.

Answer 6

wow. I can't belive i read all that. thats really cool tho. My best adice is that she probably misses you just as much as you miss her, but maybe she just wants a boyfriend so shes spending more time doing that, going to parties without you because it may seem like your "together" like you said. I would just give her space..she'll talk to you if she needs to. But if thats not it and you did mess it up at the club then YOU SUCK , things will probably never be the same sorry....

Answer 7

Well if MY first-rate buddy slept with my boyfriend (which she might certainly not do) I do not know what I might do. I might be obviously pissed, and I might wish to kill her, however she's my first-rate buddy. I love her to loss of life, and he or she's been by means of my part considering I was once eight. I would not be ready to simply throw sixteen years of friendship down the drain over this. It might obviously take a little time, probably a 12 months or so, however I might forgive her, and retain to be peers together with her. I simply love her an excessive amount of to lose her. As for my boyfriend, I'd sell off him, and check out to transport on. I would not e doing it for her advantage rather, however for mine. I actually do not consider I might role with out her in my lifestyles. But, she additionally has certainly not performed some thing that terrible to me, so I bet my reply is not rather the first-rate. I might ought to be in that obstacle to absolutely fully grasp what I desired to do. ANYWAYS, I bet my reply is sure, I might. Everyone merits a moment threat, certainly those who you're keen on, and that love you.

Answer 8

i think she is still hurt, and she is not over the situation. try surprising her maybe at her place or even leaving her notes of forgiveness. You should also talk to her and tell her how you feel and ask her the same so that things get better. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 9

I'm going to make this very short...Something u didn't spare me. haha.Talk to her..Be honest with her and tell her what u told us.Plus I hope u told her u were sorry for being mean to her when u were drinking.If u didn't then thats where u need to start. No one can tell u what she is thinking. You need to clear the air and talk to her alone and be very calm..Good luck

Answer 10

you should just go striaght up to her and talk to her, and tell her how u feel, plus nothing might be wrong, she may need a diffrent group of friends to talk with, beacuse a girl cant share her inner feeling with a guy