I think I'm in love with a much younger woman?

Question

I'm 35. I'm seeing a young woman who's 17. She actively pursued me and after around 6 months, I fell. Now I think I'm falling in love. I don't think anything is wrong but I'm worried that others will, even though her and my families are completely fine.
Am I wrong?

Answer 1

The concern should not be what people think. The concern should be, can something like this really work? Anyone can fall in love an at any age. But what does one really know about life and relationships at 17? Not to say there aren't mature teenagers out there. But people's needs and wants change as they get older. What she wants at 17 may be completely different from what she wants at 27 or 37. I know things changed for me. Be cautioned that you basically are in love with a child. A child that is still learning. And as I have said before, may learn what she needs to from you and then go teach someone else.

Answer 2

First, two things come to mind:
1. How soon will she become 18, and legal?
2. No.

My husband and I have been married for over 4 years, and together over 8. My husband is close to turning 49 while I will be 27 in a few months. There is a 22 year age difference between us. We met when I was recently out of high school, but I was 18 and he was 39.

We BOTH thought that this was such a weird thing, and that it would not go anywhere, dispite how much we liked eachother. But it did, we have pretty much been together ever since!

We were both worried about our families as well, his in particular, as his parents are the same age as my grandparents- we worried that they would not approve, being from an older generation.
We were both wrong. Everything is fine and we love it!

Though my husband expressed concern years ago, that I would change as I got older and see that being with a man almost twice my age was not "where it's at". It was hard for me to explain that I was certian that I would not feel that way, I had to just show him- and I have.

In the early years it was more dificult for people to see our relationship without judgement. Though we expected more of that from his friends, it actually came from mine. Of course, now, that makes sense. As they were too immanture and judgemental to see past the superficial.

So we choose to be careful with who we were 'open' about our relationship with. It was almost like secretly having a gay partner, and only telling some people you were closest to, and others- saying that we were just close friends.
Strange.

Though that has passed over the years, and now there is no disguise to our relationship what so ever. We have friends on both sides. Our relationship has only gotten better over the years. He is more social, outgoing, and fun loving, while I am more mature, relaxed, and focused. I think we help eachother find a healthy middle, as we are both on diffenernt sides of the spectrum. And we love eachother SO much! And that has only grown as well. Time has not torn us, but it has merged us.

As for you, it should be of concern that she is still 17. It is my understanding that 18 is the legal age in all states- I may be wrong. But once she becomes 18, this is no longer and issue.

Just understand that right now, the age difference is most obvious. As my husband used to say " As the years go by, the difference will be less and less obvious", and this is completely true.

So as long as you understand what your getting yourself into, and are willing to take some **** from ignorant people who do not understand and who are small minded, then the only thing that should matter is how you feel about eachother.

Sure there are some topics that you two will need to discuss, being in your situation. I.E. her future plans with school and/or career and how that effects your position in life now.

But if you want to date for fun, that's fine. If you want to become more serious, then with the love and desire to do so, you can certianly work around issues that will arise.

You already have aproval from both your families, and that's a great start. The people who care about you should not judge your choices as long as you are happy, and your not doing any serious harm. People who judge you, should not be people close to you in your life anyhow.

Answer 3

Follow your gut to a certain extent, be wary not to follow too closely though. I too had a relationship, with a much older man than myself. Seemed what I wanted in the beginning, but was really just a stepping stone in a journey I was on. The age difference really does make a difference, you will eventually, if you have not already, run upon the many obstacles. You have been and done all of the places and things she is just now starting to endeavor upon. See what I am saying? I mean you will find it hard, almost impossible watching her grow up and being 17 you still are so fresh into the game. I am 30 and still learning growing and maturing daily. I think of when I was 17 and how I thought, ha, what a thought. Really, don't sell yourself or herself short. Let her be 17 and you be 35. Believe me, there are lots of woman your age that rock. I know lots of them. Be positive through it all, regardless.

Answer 4

my sister was 17 when she met her Much older boyfriend...he was 30. Oh, they had a great time, at first. I was grossed out. My parents thought he was a nice guy, besides, she had graduated from highschool, and was on her way to college. They thought he would be better then the frat boys she would meet. However, now that she is 25 and he is nearly 40 things are not so great. They have nothing in common. She wants to party. He wants to stay home and watch MASH. She is quite active and wants to have sex. He has only satisfied this want TWICE in a year.
Everyone is telling you that you're a lucky guy. He thought that too. Now he is tired. He wants her to settle down and she's not ready for that.
17 year olds do not know what they want. And you should find someone your own age. You are going to be 40 in 5 years. She'll be 22, and not interested in you.

Answer 5

The ONLY thing I would worry about it maturity level. I was pregnant at 18 kept the baby and married and I feel that I was pretty mature and grew up pretty fast. (we lived on our own paid our own bills etc.) but now at 22 I still find myself searching for me. You know? She could become someone that you aren't compatible with. I know you didn't say anything about marrying her I am just saying I think your age is fine just be mentally prepared that she may change as she grows. and might end up breaking your heart. If it's worth that risk than I say go for it. And who knows.. she might just mature more like you. My hubby was 23 when I was 18 (not as old as you are but still he had already found himself - although I will be 23 soon and still haven't exactly) but we have been happily married for 4 yrs -in 5 days - now. As long as you are committed and ready to be able to sit back and watch her grow then I think it's fine. Just as an FYI ... I cheated on my hubby once while I was 19 by kissing another guy.. I was lost and confused and felt that I never had a childhood .. once a cheater does not mean always a cheater as I have never done it again. I guess that I am just forewarning that it is REALLY hard to be that young and grow up so quickly so make sure you have the patience. Be sure that you are ready to accept her for everything she is ... including her age. And if it comes to a bad ending be a little soft on her because she is so young. It's ALOT of work when you are that young to be committed. You just think of things differently.

Answer 6

For God's sake man grow up. A 17 year old? What could you possibly have in common? In fact...at 17 what do they even know about a relationship? They don't. Oh sure...they can screw. But that's about it...and anyone can do that. What are you going to discuss? That Brittany should stay with KFed? (Who cares anyway by the way).
She has a father attraction to you. Now...if you're into alittle fantasy action then i guess if it floats your boat...fine. But it won't last. never does. Besides....I realize that you may not care what others think but people will consider you anything other than honorable. plus....they'll have a good laugh behind your back. However I have to concede that if you can relate to this kid (and believe me..I have never met anyone at 17 who is mature enough to tolerate) then perhaps you're made for one another....but i doubt it.

Answer 7

If I were you I would make sure that you wait to have sex until she is 18 for one because of the varying laws about statutory rape. I don't know you so it's hard to say if you are really feeling love or lust. I do know that people who are 17 have alot of growing up to do and can change a great deal over time. You may end up falling in love and then getting your heart broken should she decide she wants a guy closer to her own age.

Good luck...

Answer 8

I think you should be confident in her love as you'd be in any other woman's. Things work out things don't. Seriously, when a couple is happy, they get jealous or general glances from all kinds of people. If you'd let those get to you, then you'll just be paranoid all the time. There are so many people who date much prettier/hotter/popular/accomplished/smarter people than they are but if they'd keep comparing themselves to their partners, they won't ever be comfortable in their relationships. If you love her, then love her. She and you, both as people are important, not people's opinion. You should always love a person and not care about what others think.

Answer 9

You are BIG TIME WRONG. She is a kid and a minor to boot. You're 35, and you don't see a problem with this. Let me ask you this, Would you have a problem with me dating your 17 year old daughter? And don't say you don't have a 17 year old daughter. Just for the sake of your question, let's say you do have one.

Answer 10

You must be terribly immature to find her interesting, or she must be extremely mature, and I find that difficult to believe at 17. You may be flattered now, but when your friends find out they will think you are a bit off. Its not a question of wrong or right, as long as its legal where you are, its a question of two such different stages of life experience, do you always want to be the daddy, and as she grows up, will she always want to be the neophyte in the big bad world?