Moments in my life….
He waited for me at the stairs,
Felt like I hadn’t seen him in years.
I was wrapped up in silk scarves,
Smelling of Japanese perfume,
All I could think of was being wrapped in his arms,
Like a bracelet and I was his favourite charm.
Down the spiral steps I went,
Full of wonder and excitement.
Did not see his face at first,
He saw my legs and denim skirt,
Then I saw him in that shirt.
We both began to laugh when we finally saw each other in full view,
So many things I wanted to say,
And do,
But I was too busy being in love with you.
Few moments in my life have been as special as that,
The fact is you already knew that,
And that’s why I’m so lucky to have you.
2007-01-10 10:43:15 · 17 answers · asked by Lindsay T 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
its corny, hows this one?
I waited for you at the stairs
then came the kick to your face
why did you break into my place
I wrapped you in the old bed sheet
sorry i had to break your feet
you started smelling like Japanese fish
which of course is not delish
down to the murky depths you sank
while i sat on the sandy beach and drank
maybe next time you will use your key
i don't like hide and seek as you can see
2007-01-10 11:17:45 · answer #1 · answered by Droptine s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8
2007-01-10 10:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by HVAC Tech. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7
2007-01-10 11:03:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 1/2
2007-01-10 11:32:38 · answer #4 · answered by ecogeek4ever 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
8 1/2
2007-01-10 10:54:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 and thats generous.
It's not inspired nor does it use any literary device.
An elementary rhyming scheme.
Consider describing emotions and using a metaphor once in a while (yes i saw the charm bracelet thing).
If you feel im being a di*k then you're not ready for criticism either.
Frankly I give my own review a 5 also.
2007-01-10 11:04:10 · answer #6 · answered by Nicholas J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I give it a 5 there needs to be a twist. There is no shock or surprise or laugh. The words are boring too, try a thesaurus. Sorry to be harsh but I'm truthful
2007-01-10 11:07:25 · answer #7 · answered by Paul H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not so good
it's boring
gives the reader nothing
put it in your diary
give a list of three poems that
YOU think are good.
and tell us how so.
that'll be helpful
in placing
your development
keep at it.
not everyone likes the same things.
NOTE TO REPORTERS:
this is NOT a rude or mean or insulting answer.
2007-01-10 11:48:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it. Nice rhyme scheme. I give it a 7 because your choice of words could use a little work.
2007-01-10 10:52:19 · answer #9 · answered by Ændru 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ill give u a 7 1/2 cuz u need more work but i still thought u did good!!! i write peoms myself though but U DID A GOOD JOB!!!
2007-01-10 11:32:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋