One of my best friends (almost a brother) ended up hooking up and starting a relationship with the girl he knew I was pursuing (she knew that i liked her too btw and claimed that she liked me to and we were on the verge of starting a romantic relationship when this happened). They told me, but wanted to know if I would still hang out with them. This caused a lot of drama among my circle of friends, with people taking sides. After much thought based on the good times that we had and this new incident, I TOLD THEM NO. My main basis for the decision was, that if they betrayed my trust, what would keep them from betraying me in other areas. I have forgiven them and accepted what they did, but i want nothing to do with them and thus ended the friendship.
Would you have kept the friendship open (with both of them) or done what I did and ended it?
2007-01-10 10:37:55 · 24 answers · asked by tkd1master 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Most definitely drop them both from my rotation.
Ice cold.
2007-01-10 10:49:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ha, something like this did happen to me several years ago and I did keep the friendship open and I'm rather glad I did.
Don't put too much emphasis on what she may have claimed, it was an expression of her feelings at that moment not a concrete truth or some kind of fact or honor system... that's how women and female communication often works. Being "on the verge" counts for nothing, and it's very likely your delay spurred her to lose attraction or trust in you.
The thing is that she is attracted to your friend more than she is you, and your friend is attracted to her as well. Attraction is not a cognitive choice but an uncontrollable emotion and urge. There is no foul play here, both of them are following their hearts. If she had tried to deny her feelings for your friend and dated you out of some kind of silly obligation then she would not have been happy, you would not have been happy, and nothing would have worked out anyway...
Don't let pride and vanity get in the way of friendship just because your emotional connection didn't work out.
2007-01-10 10:55:24 · answer #2 · answered by Mike K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on how close I was to the friend I would find a way to get over it. I might not talk to the friend for a while, give myself some time to cool off. But a girl is not worth loosing a long friendship over and neither is a guy. I have had this happen to me only the other way around because I am a girl. My best friend went and started dating the guy that I liked. If you can picture yourself in the future married to this girl and having a happy life then I would suggest talking to your friend about it and tell him that he really hurt you by doing what you did. But don't waste a good friendship on a fight over some girl that you like. Have him talk to you next time he likes a girl that you like. It's what friends should do. And if he ever does something like that again then end the friendship. He should know better then to hurt you like that after the first time. I really hope this helped.
2007-01-10 10:56:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep your friends
relationships come and go, friends don't. this is a case of you and her not connecting, not one of your friend and her connecting.
one rule in relationships is that there is no such thing as "on the verge" ! from my view, that meant you were being timid or too cautious. you have to be up front, or at least be assertive by conveying your feelings.
this equation only balances with two sides, both equal.
we are so afraid of getting hurt, we don't often take the opportunity to say I love you.
when you let your friends believe that you like them, it is not the same as heart pounding fondness or star struck love.
we each have our own idea of just what "liked her", "fond of", and "in love" are.
"Communicate" and keep your friends, they truly are a blessing
2007-01-10 11:10:23 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were on the verge of having a relationship, then you really didn't have one. If this is the only thing that you have to be mad at them for, keep them as friends, you can't be mad at them for destroying a relationship that never even existed. Just take it as a life lesson, if you want something you have to go for it, if you don't make the move, someone else will and it will be too late for you..
2007-01-10 10:51:42 · answer #5 · answered by answerman 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have a really alike problem. But I haven't told my friend that I always liked the guy, but hey! she knew! it was kinda obvious!. But I wouldn't have ended the friendship if it was THAT strong. I would just not be best friend anymore, but kinda hang out a bit sometimes.
Haha, and the other difference is that I'm a girl.
oxox.
2007-01-10 10:52:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you did the right thing, but only you can tell for sure. Yes, they betrayed you--especially your friend. I broke up with a guy recently, and I know his best friend was really, really into me, but he didn't call. That IS a true friend.
2007-01-10 10:52:13 · answer #7 · answered by connie_mspt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its hard. I mean they broke your turst, more him then her, but why lose a friendship over a girl. Yes he did wrong and probably you wont trust him again, but just be a better person than them. I think you should still be his friend. Not the same but at least keep the friendship,
2007-01-10 10:53:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Snooze you lose. If she did not have sex with you at all, and you did not make out with her in the last week before your friend hooked up, you don't have a leg to stand on, (except the unsatisfied one that's making you so angry.)
Never play the role of unrequited hesitant p***y loser. People will remember you for it and you may have just as well sprayed woman repellant all over yourself.
2007-01-10 10:49:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
It sounds chauvinistic, but if you expressed to him that you like her he should of backed off and gave you froom to try for her. I think it is just common etiquette if yo know your buddy likes her that she is off limits. of course it depends on if you really liked the girl, you can't just go around abusing the privilege and claiming all the hot girls for yourself.
2007-01-10 10:53:32 · answer #10 · answered by michael H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this dude aint yer bro, he's followin his dick, it's sad, but it happens. you're gonna get a lot of 'bro's b4 hoes' entries. what ya need 2 do, ditch those clowns, get you a new crew. or wait til one of ends that ****, then consider gettin back tight with your boy, but chances are, that things will NEVER be the same.
sorry pal
2007-01-10 10:50:29 · answer #11 · answered by Keyser S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋