Left abusive husband, how do I move on when I feel so lost without him?

Question

I had to leave my abusive(mainly emotional and verbal), 1 month ago. We were together 13 years and have 2 small children 7 and 5. I did it for my children's sake. We're over my mom's for now. He hasn't called me but we have sent text messages and usually he's just mean or nonchalant. I have his email password and he has joined 4 dating sites and has been chatting with women on yahoo personals stating he's already divorced, moved into an apartment yesterday. He said to tell the kids he loves them and he will talk to them soon. He only gave me $150 for the kids. He makes a grand a week net pay. I need to file for a divorce or separation but I am still hoping that he will change and we can be a family again. He seems to have forgotten me already and is moving on I guess. That is so damn painful ! He tells the women on personals that he thinks a woman should be treated like a queen. He didn't treat me like that! What am I to do? I'm
so lost without him. What do i do? I still l love him

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for what happened. I think, deep down, your husband still must love you if he communicates w/ you via phone, but talking to other women is the ultimate betrayal. I'd NEVER forgive a husband who starts new relationships and makes that comment about women being treated like " a queen". I think he's communicating with other women to fill the empty spot that he has after leaving you, meaning he's trying to substitute someone else because he still loves his wife. I also believe making a yahoo personals profile was intended so you'd find it and consider forgiving him. This may sound wierd, but I think he's trying, in some wierd way, to tell you he can't move on without you--going back to that "empty spot". I feel that talking to other women is where I'd draw the line and consider a separation, but before this happens, try one final time to tell him you still love him. Try to find out why he's abusive, and maybe see a mariage counsler. But, I must say, nothing can change the past. Try finding another man who will love you and treat YOU like the queen you are. There may still be love left with your old husband, but seek out a new man. Nothing can make you forget your old husband, but consider a separation if that one last chance doesn't work. I'm so sorry for what happened and I hope things look up.

Answer 2

Girl, I totally understand. But you have to realize that you're always going to love him. He is the father of your children and no matter what you will always have a special place for him in your heart. You do need to realize though what he did to you and how he treated you. You need to look at yourself from an outside perspective and be strong. You need a man that truly treats a woman like a queen and be that queen. Be strong, independent, and happy. You do need to file for divorce if you plan on getting any more money from this man... but don't bad talk him to your children. You need to be the bigger person and make him realize what a mistake he made. Don't rub it in his face, but show him that you can be independent and live your life for your children. He may come around one day, but he may not... he may just be going through a phase, but you don't want to stick around to find out. Be strong, rely on those close to you- your friends and family and know that there is someone out there for you that will treat you better than you could have possibly imagined. Don't try to wait around and think that he is going to change, or try to change him... that is the last thing you want to do... just know that everything happens for a reason and this could possibly be the greatest thing that could have ever happened because Mr. Right is going to walk in to your life at a very unexpected moment, and only when you are ready. Good luck chica!

Answer 3

The best thing that you can do for yourself and your children is to call your local domestic violence programs hotline. You can look in the phone book for the number or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find programs near you. Your program should have alot of services that will help you, including individual counseling ( that can help you thru the feelings of feeling lost without him), a support group ( sometimes it helps to talk to other women goign thru the same thing, or that have been thru it), a hotline that you can call anytime day or night if you need to talk , they can give you your options on many other things, like child support, spousal support, housing, financial assistnace that may be available to you.....One of the biggest things they can do to help you is to do a safety plan with you. You had stated that the abuse was mainly verbal and emotional, so that leads me to believe there may have been some physical abuse at some point. The domestic violence advocates will be able to provide you with information on the dynamics of domestic violence. The advocates are usually wonderfull caring people. They will listen to you and guide tyou to the best that they can. If you decide to call and dont want to accept anything other than talking to them on the phone, you can even do that anonamously. it never hurts just to call and ask some questions.....
I wish you the best of luck, and remember to stay safe.

Answer 4

Marriage is seldom easy and takes lots of work. Divorce is a nightmare.
If you really still love him, then act NOW, call him, talk to him, and ask him to go to marriage counseling WITH you. Remind him that the kids are involved in this.
If he is unwilling to make that effort, then it is sad, but there is unlikely anything you can do. If it comes to divorce, then definitely, get a lawyer. An aggressive lawyer is your best move. You need to obtain a legal date of separation, child support and depending on the state, alimony. You really need to act fast for your’s and your children’s welfare. Try to fix it first. If that doesn’t work, punt.

Answer 5

this is the scary part about starting over.
you see, even in your abusive marriage, you had a place...you knew your role in life and now, you have so many options open to you and it's scary as hell.
you need to focus on YOU and being a mom to your kids. It's hard, it's scary but change is good and one day you will look back and realize that his pain has made you a stronger and better person.
good luck and hang in there!

Answer 6

You did the right thing, i mean if someone who loves you, they shouldn't be an ******...even if things don't go the way they wanted. I know how it is, when you love someone for so long and it comes down to leaving them to better your self. remember to love your self first and try to move on. Tell your-self not to remember about the times you had with him. Tell your-self what made you leave. Right now your feeling down, but think about the future and your kids. Best of luck & smile i's free :-)

Answer 7

ONE STOP LOOKING AT HIS STUFF! TWO YOU NEED TO MOVE ON IN YOUR OWN LIFE. BUT THAT ALSO MEAN YOU NEED TO BE SAFE ABOUT IT IF HE FINDS OUT HE MIGHT BECOME MORE ABUSIVE BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE SITTING AROUND ONLY THINKING ABOUT HIM YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO BE WITH HIM BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU KNOW AND FEEL SAFE IN. AND NO YOU DO NOT LOVE HIM YOU LOVE WHAT YOU HOPE HE COULD BE. YOU SAY YOU LEFT FOR YOUR KIDS BUT YOU WANT TO GO BACK! WHY SO YOU CAN SHOW THEM IT OKAY TO LEAVE FOR AWHILE AND THEN GO BACK AND TAKE IT AGAIN. AND IF YOU HAVE A BOY SHOW HIM IT'S OKAY TO TREAT WOMAN THIS WAY OR IF YOU HAVE A GIRL IT'S OKAY FOR MEN TO DO THIS TO THEM. EVERY DAY MEN SAY THEY WILL CHANGE AND THEY DO FOR A DAY OR SO AND THEN THE WOMAN MAKES THRM MAD AND THEN THEIR BACK MAD AGAIN BUT THIS TIME THE ABUSE IS WORES THEN THE LAST TELL ONE DAY THEIR DIED OR THEIR LIKE ME AND THEIR LUCK AND THE FREIND SAFED THEIR LIFE. YOU'RE AREADY GONE AND SAFE STAY THAT WAY. YOU GO BACK YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE THAT CHANGES AGAIN

Answer 8

the different solutions are good. you do no longer pass over him relatively. Its purely a habit. It takes a collectively as to get used to being single.whilst it kicks in you would be happy you didnt get returned mutually. !00% make it approximately your infants. Be function sort fory our infants. in case you reside different than for now on your infants will possibly no longer bear in mind too plenty and could no longer think of an abusive relatinship is commonly used. cling in there Be good. you're able to do IT. I ignored an ex as quickly as that replaced into no longer a healthful relationship so I organised with a female chum that i ought to textual content textile her whenI felt like texting him. area of it as properly is finished frustration that he purely didnt get it, that he didnt come precise and be the suitable important different you deserve. Face actuality and make a clean existence for your self.

Answer 9

you are going to have to realize just one thing about a person who is abusive,they will never change because you want them to.i know this from personal experience, i watched my mother deal with two very abusive men in my first 15 years,they went from being verbally and mentally abusive to being physically abusive.and nothing that my mother did could make them change,and eventually they escalated to being physically abusive to us kids.you just have to live your life one day at a time.it will take time but you will finally be able to move on,i know that it is hard but nothing in life is easy.just remember you and your children are worth more than that and you all deserve allot better than an abusive husband and father.

Answer 10

His goal was to put you down so you wouldn't feel worthy, that way you would stay with him, he is insecure of himself, you need to get a divorce, file for child support, get YOUR life BACK, live for your self not for anyone els but your kiddos.