help with my pre-teen step daughter! any suggestions?

Question

My step daughter's name is Destinee,and she is 11 years old.I love her like she is my own!In the last couple or 3 months she has changed everything about herself.She has everything but stopped eating,is addicted to fixxing her hair and face(but never thinks she is pretty enough),she has gotten to where everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie.she is mean to her little sister.she disrespects her mother.she is a very bright and beautiful young lady.top of her class at school.but at home she is a tottally different girl.i need help and or suggestions.she says she don't know why she is like this,but i need some words of encouragement(any at all)that ya'll can give her.thanks for anything you can say to her that might help!

not a big deal...lol...but i'm her step father!

Answer 1

This is a hard age, and I don't think it gets any better until they are about 19.

They are moody because their hormones are starting to get out of whack and parents are absolutely the dumbest things in the world.

I don't know how we miraculously overnight go from "superhero" to "dumb a$$" in our children's eyes. The child we used to read to and sing to sleep every night who looked at you with loving eyes is replaced by a child who can't even stand to be in the same room as you let alone look at you in the eyes for any reason.

My only suggestion to you is to get a handle on the attitude because the rule breaking is next and this is how we are handling it at home, it's amazing what some participation from the child will do for them when it comes to rules.

www.teenswithproblems.com Go to the section where they have the home rules contract. This does wonders!!!

Also, we have instilled a "family home evening" with our kids. Each Sunday night come rain or shine we sit together as a family, each member gets a turn each weekend. We eat dinner, do an event, sometimes watch a movie, sometimes play games, sometimes bake cookies, depending on who chooses that week. And that's the one day a week we get dessert too! All 3 of our kids were not happy in the beginning to do this, but welcome it each week. We also have dinner together at least 5 nights a week.

Answer 2

Has she been hanging out with a different group of girls than she used to? With my girls, I could always tell when they had a new friend because their attitudes would change. It could also be that she is just going through that stage where she is more concerned about her appearance. And at about 11 or 12 girls do seem to get a lot more self centered than when they were younger. Now is the time for all of the adults in her life to put up a universal front and give her clear rules,boundaries and consequences of her actions. You might also want to talk with her teachers and find out if anything is going on at school. I have raised 3 daughters and it probably isn't going to get any easier...sorry. Just try to hang in there an keep an open line of comnunication going with her. I think it is true what they say about being able to talk about the unimportant things with her, that way she will feel comfortable enough to talk about the important things too. Good luck!

Answer 3

im a 15 yo guy and i think shes hitting the stage where her horomones are flowin. In other words, shes becomming a teenager. The start of her period should signal that, but early teen syndrome (as i like to call it) happens to about every girl at that age. She is probably noticing the fellas now and that is probably the reason for her fixing her hair and everything. Also she might be wanting into a clique at school, like the cool crowd. And peer pressure is probably influencing her also. Dont give up hope! Youre her step mom and she loves you wether she shows it or not, and youre her parent so you need to recognize the signals of growing up. if she hasnt been given "the talk" yet, shes due for it. you need to teach her about her body and you need to be the one she can tell anything to. Then she'll look up to you and talk to u. You need to be her best friend...and if she wont let you, then keep trying. I hope ive been of help and comfort.

Answer 4

I use to be close with my little girl who's not so little did our hair together nails toes sang we hung out went shopping together now its like i don't know here she refuses to listen look at me talk to do anything with me any more she has a nasty attitude acts like her **** don't stink pardon my words there but its how she's acting she won't do chores her grades suck the teachers say she's being lazy and not putting the effort into her work she cares more about her looks than being smart which she is but won't show it i'm lost and don't know what to do i try to have family night every week she still refuses to participate unless its what she wants to do or see no one else exists or can pick i let her go to hang with her friend she ignores us when we call to check in with her i have her in therapy don't work i have done reward systems still nothing but attitude and dirty looks and i'm so tired and frustrated and lost

Answer 5

At this age, a girl is going through a lot of hormone changes! Been there with 4 girls. The youngest is now 12 and still has her moments, but I will say has been the easiest of all. Individual attention has always helped, and letting them know that you love them unconditionally. I've alway spent special time alone with my girls. Go get your nails done together, girl things! Keep up your spirits and try to make things fun around the house. Allow her to go to her room and be alone, but always let her know you are there when she needs you. She will outgrow it and with your love and patience she will become a lovely young lady. Take care and God Bless.

Answer 6

Maybe she's changing the way she acts to try and fit in with girls at school, you know, the popular ones that most pre-teen girls want to be like. That might be why she feels like she needs to have her hair perfect. Tell her that it's okay to be yourself, but remind her that you still need to be kind to others, because she wouldn't like it if they were rude to her. And I know that most girls that age have a rule about how much makeup they're allowed to wear (example: no eyeliner or mascara until you turn 13, or something like that). Hopefully it's just a stage that she's going through, it's sad how girls feel like they need to be perfect now days.

Answer 7

dont worry, its okay. im a preteen, and girls love getting "pretty", like putting makeup on, doing our hair, ect. but the lies have to stop. no one likes a liar. maybe u could take away something she likes, maybe her cell phone or something. make her a basket with items like these:

1. nail polish
2. makeup
3. maybe a gift certiciacte or a clothing item
4. expensive, really nice shampoo and conditioner
5. items like that, or stuff that she enjoys

and everytime she stops something, like back talking, or maybe she gets a great report card, let her pic out one item of her choice. take her out shopping one day, or her mom could.her and her mom could go to a beauty expo, those are really fun for mother/daughter outings. just be creative and pray to God that it gets over...lol.

-hetty♥

Answer 8

Usaully when pre-teens act that way it means something is going on at school.Like maybe she is trying to be accepted by popular girls or they are being rude. Try talking to her. it can either be about boys or school. Talk to her about it. Sometimes the enviroment at school can change the kids moods...trust me on that one.

Answer 9

yeah i was like that a few years ago. its not fun, i got over it. shes just sort of probably starting to think that that is what makes her have friends, when really its just being yourself. i grew out of that in about a year. just dont get mad at her, that will make her more rebellious. just let her do her stuff. other than that, i dont really know. good luck!

Answer 10

Usually kids suffer from divorce and don't like their step parents maybe ever since this divorce thingy she's acting like a rebel!