confused????

Question

My bf of 6yrs has walked out on me and our 4 yr old son again,of course i feel rather lousy but not anywhere near as bad as last time,i think last time it just came right out of the blue and this time i`d kind of been expecting it,i`d been thiking he was going to leave again after xmas and new year.

I do still feel love for him and also anger for putting me in this position again,i feel as though i`m just waiting to feel like last time,do you think i will?He left on sunday officially but i hadn`t seen him since thursday so i kind of grieved if you like over the weekend.I saw him today and didn`t let him into my house,just left his stuff outside when i saw him coming and spoke to him only for a minute,he looked terrible and sad.

I know he feels bad for doing this again and says the guilt`s making him feel ill,i felt sorry for him as well as hatred,i feel so confused and don`t want to feel like last time i was so down and depressed imagining him with some1 new.I`m just confused.

I think he knows i`m not such a wreck this time round,he left for the same reason he left b4,doesn`t love me like he should.Although 2 weeks b4 he told me he loved me.

Answer 1

Dear Confused,

I think you have some good insight. Yes, I think both of you are confused and neither of you seems to know what you want.

But the focus really needs to be the child. This four year old boy needs to learn what a good man is and he needs to learn how to treat women. Is this young man the right person for that job? If he's not then don't take him back and move on. If you think there's hope that he can be a good role model for his son then I think the situation warrants some effort.

Sounds to me like the two of you have feelings for each other but that isn't enough. You both have to want to make things work. It also sounds like he wanted to send a message by leaving -- not that he actually wanted to leave. He sounds like he's not quite up to the task of raising this little boy with you.

My advice to you is that you go get yourself into counseling. Talk with a counselor a bit and after doing that, decide whether there is any value in trying to patch things up with the boyfriend. Then you'll need to see if he's still playing games or whether he really wanted to leave. My guess is that if you chase him, he will continue to run. If you ignore him, he'll come crawling back and then you'll have a decision to make.

I feel for you. I can see that you're being pulled in both directions at one time. That's a painful place to be and I'm sure you're left wondering what is the right thing to do. The problem is that nobody can tell you what you which direction you should go. You'll have to weigh it all out and make that decision on your own.

It would be best for all of you if you can keep the family together. But don't try to keep it together at all costs. That's not a good way to go. But if it all works out and you can he can work on things for the sake of one another and your little boy, you might have something good. But don't sell your soul to make it happen.

Good luck to all of you. Keep thinking about what's best for your little boy.

Answer 2

If you truly love him, let him feel how you feel/felt. let him see that is not so greener on the other side of the fence. It all goes back to: You never know what you had/have until its gone. It is never easy when a couple splits, even for a short period of time, especially when there are children involved. make sure to express to your son that what is happening between mom and dad has nothing to do with him. Keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. Be honest and don't hold back. If it is meant to be, it will be. It is alot easier to pack it in, than it is to stand tall and make it work. Good luck

Answer 3

Babe you have to get tough and get a relationship that is equal,
Its not equal if he keeps leaving you,
I bet it's for a silly reason too,

I was married, and 2 weeks after I gave birth by C-Section he was off, [cos I asked him to hold the baby while I breastfed her, I was still sore and didn't have a cushion],
He left me 5 times in 4 months and I was so isolated due to the location,
I accepted his abuse and neglect,
Til he hit my babies,

1 year on and i've acheived so much,
Who does he think he is to walk out on you ???

Do yourself a big favour, look in the mirror, Smile and don't look back.
You can do it, just take control.

ps He's playing games with you, he knows your not a wreck so he is,
If you was a wreck, then he wouldn't be and would make you feel worse.

Don't give him the power, stay strong.

Answer 4

Not knowing your situation i will just say this, a lot of the time people will do things for a reaction so chances are when he left he wanted to see you hurt and beging him to stay so he feels he has the upper hand in the relationship,although this is usualy done by immature people early on in the relationship. Stick to your guns and don't ask him to come back make him prove he is ready to be a good roll model for you child and that he is deserved of you.Good luck if he stays away you will know your better off without him.

Answer 5

I would suggest that you take time for yourself. Try to find friends or family that you can talk with. The website below is helpful during a breakup, even though it has divorce in the title. If possible, it would be good to talk to a counselor to help you decide what to do next.

Answer 6

I feel your pain, feeling betrayed, abonded, lonely, there is good news....Jesus knows what ur going through...He went through everything for us...He wants to help u....all u have to do ask Him to come into ur heart....He will help you along the way....he is love, and loves you....God bless you.

Answer 7

So your question is....what? I dont know it sounds to me that he just up and leaves when ever the mood strikes him...dont take him back this time...not unless you can take it if leaves again

Answer 8

click on my profile and email me.......i will email you back with some good advice.....i just went through a horrible break up and i know where you can get support and really good advice from good and caring people.....and it's free!!! it's just people like you and me.

Answer 9

you need to teach him a lesson.... let him feel the pain this time...

Answer 10

why did he leave?