PARENTS TRYING TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEIR DAUGTER TEEN IS THAT NORMAL? but it is unbearable?

Question

I am a 16 old girl . my behavior and attitude are very good and my teachers always tell this to my mum .But for my surprise i found that mum doesn t trust me she searches my room alot she tries to listen to my telephone calls she tries to see the lists of calls and messages of my own mobile and she tries to know everything about me and my friends .This makes me very sad that I sometimes thing that I hate this detective person.IN addition to that i am not used to tell her everything i tried many times but i failed to make a good relation between me and her whenever i start a conversation with her she always says GO AND STUDY U HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE I am getting very depressed and i have many questions needed to be answered by anearby person and my friends are all busy having exams and i want to talk to someone.PLZ HELP

Answer 1

my mom did the same exact thing. I'm 19 now and live outside the house and she's still trying to do it!! It's just their natural instinct. They want to know that we are safe and not doing anything stupid (because they did stupid things when they were young and they expect us to do the same things). My mom almost looks for one little sign to accuse me of something I'm doing wrong. Last year she accused me of being on drugs!!! I've never touched a drug in my whole life! I went to the dentist a couple months ago and they told me my teeth were being damaged by acid reflux... she automatically thought that I was bulimic!!! (I'm not..at ALL)

I've talked to my mom about her irrational behavior. I told her that I tell her everything. It hurts when she tries to accuse me of things that I would never do. ... talking to her helps for a couple months..but then she's back to her old behavior.

If I were you I would try and talk to your mom. Tell her what you're feeling. It's not good that you're getting depressed. Write her a note or something if she wont sit down and talk with you. A note will force her to look at everything you have to say.

This is just a period in our life when we have to deal with parents that are like this. It will get better eventually.

I really hope you talk to her. Maybe it will help... it couldn't hurt, right?

Answer 2

I am so sorry! As a very private person myself, I understand the feeling of violation and betrayal, and it's only made worse by your difficult relationship with your mother.
To answer your question, yes. Unfortunately, many parents feel the need to very closely monitor their children. Today's world is a scary one to many parents, and kids and teenagers now live lives that adults wouldn't have 20 years ago.
A great compromise would be a little trust. I know you've been put off in the past, but I wonder if you could volunteer some of the information she's hunting. Does she know your friends? If not, invite them over so she can meet them. Without being questioned, tell her some of the details about your life, just the ones that you don't mind her knowing.
Being a parent is terrifying. You know (or at least, think) that everything you do or say could make or break your child. It's even worse when they become teenagers and turn into people all their own. Suddenly, these people you've devoted your life to don't need you or want you as much as they used to. I'm not trying to guilt you, I just thought it might help to know what could be in her head. If only there was a way she could see how much pain her actions are causing you!
You seem like a very caring, sensitive, and levelheaded girl. I hope you can find a happy medium with your mom, and the relationship I think you both need. Maybe a long talk would clear the air. Keep trying to get through to her. If you can, be honest without losing your temper or being disrespectful. As trite as it sounds, if she didn't love you, she wouldn't care so much. Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You need to have a talk with your mom. Tell her how you feel, I do hope she will listen to you. I have a 16 year old, and I've always told her until she gives me a reason, I trust her. So far she has been very truthful to me, and will tell me "almost" everything. After all teens have to have some things they keep from their moms......I was a teen at one time and I do remember! If your mom won't listen, go to a close "adult" friend or councelor at school. Sometimes a third party may be needed to talk to your mom and you together. I do hope things get better. Try really hard to keep your spirits up and keep your room really neat, so there is no place for her to think you are hiding something! Be an open book and let her know that. She may get tired of you telling her all about your friends. Just take care and God Bless......He is always there for you!

Answer 4

It is normal that your mom wants to know everything about their daughters. If you have always been trustworthy it is a shame that your mom tries to spy on you.I'm sure that she is only doing it because she loves you. You should try to talk to her again and ask her why she does this. Tell her that you want to have a better relationship with her and you want to be able to talk to her.Try inviting her into your life and maybe she wont feel that she has to snoop.I think she would love to hear this. If she didn't love you and care about you, she wouldn't be trying to spy on you. I'm not saying what she is doing is right, but she may feel that you aren't telling her anything about your life and she wants to know. I am the mother of 3 daughters, 2 are adults now, and I can tell you that as Moms, we all make mistakes. If one of my daughters would have told me the things you have written I would most definitely have tried to make things better for her and would have done almost anything to make her feel like she could come to me with ANY problems or questions she had. Please give your mom another chance.

Answer 5

Oh it's normal alright. My mom did the same thing and it was absolutely irritating but looking back I can't really blame her, she loves me and she worried. You guys have to work on your communication. The more you are able to open up the more trust she'll have and she will probably not feel the need to go through your things to see what's going on with your life. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. Take deep breathes, have patience, talk to her. Make time (like when you're on your study break) and just tell her what's on your mind. If she didn't want to know she wouldn't go through your stuff just to be creepy. Good luck.

Answer 6

hey im 15 and i know what u r talking about look u need to tell your parents that you are 16 not 12! they need to stop snooping around and not trusting u really the best thing to do now is talk to them you are way too old for her to be acting like this u have no space id fill srry for u if u had a bf! maby just sit her down and tell her that you need space and she doesnt need to know everything you do are go and look through your stuff just bc she is your mom! if i was you id tell her all that and prolly things i cant say on here ! lol thin id leave

Answer 7

I can relate, my mom searches my room a lot, and she doesn't trust my friends sometimes, even though I assure her that it's okay...start having little conversations with your mom, just tell her little things, and try to somewhat build a relationship. And maybe even ask her why she doesn't trust you if you catch her looking through your things. Maybe something happened to her when she was your age that you don't know about, and she doesn't want that to happen to you. Just keep talking to your mom, and hopefully you can build a relationship and trust with her...good luck.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

This is normal to a certain extent. From what you are saying, they are slightly invading your privacy. Try doing anything in your power to gain back their trust. Do the dishes, and try to become much more involved with them in order to create a better relationship.

Hope this helps!

Answer 10

When you are trying to talk to her tell her "You don't have time to waste. Before you know it I will be out of school and out on my own and then I won't have time for you. I just need to ask you some questions"