Today I was was playing tetherball with one of my very best friends, and then she just walked away from me. So I hit the ball a couple more times and walked over to her. so then she said, "you're so lonely, that's why you don't have any friends" then later on, she said, out of random, "you're such an idiot". After both times i walked away from her. What should I do?
2007-01-10 09:23:15 · 138 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You call someone that is verbally abusive and putting you down your friend? You should tell her to get lost! Go find better people to hang out with she seems like she is playing games or something.
2007-01-10 09:30:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 1⤋
Hi Penguin,
I see you've gotten an overwhelming response with lots of advice. I will only tell you that I have a daughter who has a circle of friends. Your description above reminded me of two of the girls in that circle. The one girl was/is kind of a goody-two shoe type of kid; she thinks she's better than everyone else. She was spoiled by her parents....'cause she's an only child and still gets everything she wants.
The other girl is the middle child of a large family and she's a sensitive soul and kind of a serious person. Well goody-two shoes would pick on her and actually got so bold as to push her around once or twice. Which left the other girl in tears.... So, they'd kind of switch off to being closer to other girls in the group. Ditto for the other girl. But all of the girls knew about miss goody two shoes and how she was..... They remained friends... But the kind you keep at arms length and only trust a little bit.
Well, all of the girls are in their 20's now. Each one is married and has children of their own. Their personalities are the same though....
So, what I'm thinking is that it sounds like you're in a boat much like the young sensitive girl. And you probably should find someone else to spend your time with. Because she may've just been having a bad day....and maybe she wasn't. But either way, she's expressed that she doesn't have a really high opinion of you and there's no excuse for that. Bad day or not.
I'm not saying don't be her friend anymore... But! You must protect yourself and it will be impossible for you to have a high self-esteem if you're hanging out with someone who doesn't have a high opinion of you and cannot show you that she values you and your friendship. So do you see what I'm saying? BTW, I would at least ask her what her problem was and why she was acting like she was. Regardless of her answer, I'd let her know that it was abusive and you didn't appreciate it. Ask her to please not do it anymore.
Good luck to you and please take care of yourself!
2007-01-12 16:13:36 · answer #2 · answered by Brenda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm guessing she was having a bad day. Sometimes kids that don't have a good home-life ... and get alot of grief from the people they live with act out. I'm guessing she doesn't have that many friends because of the way she is. You might be really doing her a favor if you don't give up on her. When I was your age I had a friend that stuck by me when I was being a putz. I'm sure I turned out better because of it.
She may have been projecting when she said that you were lonely and didn't have any friends ... in other words talking about herself.
The idiot part ... might be something that she hears at home.
Tell her that you don't think SHE is an idiot and if SHE was lonely
you would try to help .
2007-01-10 10:15:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sam 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Walking away from hurtful comments is the best way to deal, because it does not aggravate her or create an argument that could have been avoided, so that was good on your part.
After a couple days, ask her why she said these things. Mention that the comments hurt your feelings, and that you consider her your best friend and would like to resolve this.
Approaching her may not be easy, but it is important to start the healing process. If this is a true friend, she will give a completely reasonable response as to why she made these comments, and if not, perhaps she is not the most reliable friend.
2007-01-10 09:50:57 · answer #4 · answered by lucy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well. would ask her what's going on before you blow her off (like some other stupid people said to do), and if she won't tell you why, or it's a bad reason for blowing up at you, I would try some time apart. sometimes this stuff happens when people spend too much time together. But I would say if she's one of your "very best friends" you should make an effort to work it out. If that doesn't work for you, then I would say call it quits.. but it's really not cool if your friend is telling you that you have no friends.. that seems like it should be against the rules of friendship to insult someone that way.. even if you are fighting, it's just cruel.
2007-01-10 09:35:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much you can do. She made it clear how she really feels about you.
I would probably give her one more chance to 'act like an adult' and come clean as to what is bothering her. If she does not then you should probably ignore her until she comes back to her senses.
Whatever you do, dont ask other people what she has been saying. SHe obviously said it to get a rise out of you. The victory for her would be to know that it is working.
Chances are, some guy she likes likes you more!
Often times they will make it worse and the will also go and tell her and this will let her know that it is bothering you.
2007-01-10 09:32:50 · answer #6 · answered by lisa s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i've had this problem so many times b4, and its always been with the same person. People like that are just complicated and you have to have patience with them. If you really think your mind won't be at peace if you two don't become friends again, then give her time. Time heals all. She'll probably come to you, you probably to her, or hey, maybe you two will naturally start talking to each other!, thats how it always is with my situations. But, if it so happens that she never wants to speak to you again, beat her at her own game, prove her wrong. Make more friends and live with a smile, be confident and outgoing. She wasn't born attached to you, so if you made it in this world so far b4 you even met her, then you'll do just fine without her.=) And some advice: Choose your friends wisely. Make sure its a person who isn't a put-down.
2007-01-10 09:54:13 · answer #7 · answered by Angi Vee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This girl has a problem, not you. I wouldn't worry to much about it, go out and find new friends and just forget about her. She may have some issues going on right now and is taking her anger out on you, there is no excuse for her behavior though, so just forget it. You may find she'll come back to you after a while with an apology and explanation, then it's up to you as to weather you feel you can forgive her. If not, she's not a friend worth having at all, and you are better off just letting her sort herself out.
2007-01-10 10:02:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit her down and ask her what the deal with the rude behavior is all about. If you think your friendship with her is worth it, then try to get to the bottom of it. But if she keeps acting ignorant and disrespectful, then cut her loose. She's not worth the headache. I sense some jealousy here on her part. That's usually the case behind a blow up for no apparent reason. And remember this, everyone that claims to be your friend always isn't.
2007-01-10 09:41:08 · answer #9 · answered by No.34 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having problems with a friend, my suggestion is to find a time when you can be alone with the friend, an uninterrupted time, and simply ask the friend what is wrong. I would not do it in a blaming way, or an angry way. Simply ask something like, "I noticed that you have been...........and I am wondering if I may have done something to bother you." If you avoid blaming the friend, the friend will be less likely to become defensive or rude.
It can never hurt to try to communciate and ask non blaming questions.
2007-01-10 09:48:11 · answer #10 · answered by Kerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problem here is that she has been listening to other peoples thoughts about you. As teenagers, its really easy to become the follower, rather than come up with your own thoughts and believe in your own convictions. In years to come, if this type of person came along, they would be regarded as a 'toxic friend', someone who isnt very supportive, puts you down and mostly that happens when they have thier own problems to deal with. I suggest, cutting that person loose. Don't hang out with them any more and find some people that would be much nicer to you. Wont be hard to do.
2007-01-10 09:36:20 · answer #11 · answered by Kalvin- 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋