is it bad that i don't want to talk to my stepmom because as a child she abused my little sister and me ?

Question

as children my stepmom really did things to my sister and me that a stepmom should never do. I used to watch my stepmom abuse my little sister and emotionally abuse me . my dad was never home much and when he was he just ignored what was going on. im 21 now and i don't live there anymore and when i call my house i only talk to my dad cause he doesn't treat me bad at all and never has . but my stepmom called the other day yelling at me because i called and asked for my dad and not her. i've tried telling my stepmom the reason why i don't talk to her but she thinks nothing wrong and that im the crazy one . my dad just wants to ignore the problem and says my stepmom is fine and nothings wrong with her . She even has made it to where my sister and me don't get along and she's my own flesh n blood . should i just forget about everything and continue on with my life , im 21 and i really don't need this but it's bothering me and i've suffered alot since i was a child .

Answer 1

give yourself time. if you're not ready to talk to her yet, then you're just not ready! there's nothing you or her could do to change that. she should understand why you need time. if she's sorry then give yourself time and try to forgive her. if she's never said that she's sorry then i don't think its a problem that you're not talking to her.
see where things go after a while. if you're ready to talk to her then let her know. if you're not, then don't worry about it. she treated you like you never should have been, and you not talking to her doesn't even compare to that.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you had to go through that . It sounds like what you went through has made you a grown up ans it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders . I personally would not worry about your step mom next time she calls screen your calls or if you can record her voice so you can show your dad why you do not want to talk to her or have a relationship with her . but under no circumstances let her come between you and your sister try spending some time with your sister when it is just you and her so the both of you can talk . She might be able to talk to you better and then you can find out why the relationship is not as strong as it once was . you can only extend the olive branch so far before it actually breaks and it sound to me that you might be better off by walking your own path for a little while . some time apart from your family might give you a better perspective . I don't say this to be mean but you also have to let go of the past before you can live your own life if your family can not take the next step towards repairing the relationship then you will have to let go or you will never be able to go forward if you can forgive your family then do so because it will help you to let go . but do not let your self be sucked back in to the drama or the abuse . good luck hope this helps .

Answer 3

Dear Ashley ""warmest hug to you ""

I feel really sad for your step mom has troubled you a lot and even your little sister first you shouldn;t have left your sister all alone with that terrible lady you mentioned that you dad doesn't usually be at home and you live somewhere else she might be troubling your sister since their is no-one their i have a little sister too i want to protect her from the evil and anyways a big sister is like a mother and you have the responcebility of your sister on you . You should either go back to that house or get your sister in the house IN ORDER TO PROTECT YOUR LITTLE SISTER because the lady who might have been so roughly behaved with you in you childhood why can't she do it now??? i would rather shift back to the house instead because Once you shift in that house back you won't be treated like that by you mom and if she tries to hurt you anytime and your dad is not around tell her " i can talk and i 'm big enough to tell that to dad you've hurted my sister and me a lot in our childhood i won't let it happen now ( make her consider this as a warning ) " and just walk away in a happy mood . if your STEP mom has changed then you may act nice with her but you never know what a person is hiding behind that good face and you know what Forget all this stuff you have to a life not in hurt with hapinnes with you family with you dad , sis and your step mom you know what consider her as you mother once listen to her remove that hatred for her . the people who hurt people usually are the ones who are hurt more . YOU MOM CAN SEE YOU FROM THE SKY and she would rather wantt you to be happy what are you doing here???? MOVE MAKE A MOVE MAKE A MOVE TO BE HAPPY

Answer 4

I really feel sorry for you and your sister. You are 21, you do not need her abuse any longer. If it is possible to continue a relationship with your dad while not dealing with stepmom, I'd do that. But then you must ask yourself why your father didn't do more to shield you from this woman. Try some counseling if you can get it. But you don't need to take any abuse any longer. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

yes, that is a very smart solution and should be the solution to solve any conflicts that come between 2 people. just forget about the past and move on to your own life. forget about your mean step moms. i don't know why but most step moms don't treat their children right. just look at the positive side of your life which is currently now and in the future. the negative side is the part with your step mom and in the past. your current life and in the future will and will never ever have anything to do with the past with your crazy stepmom. if she wants you to talk to her say no because she treated you the way you didn't want to be treated which is very wrong. she isn't your real mom. she is a fake crazy mother. why should you have any respect to her if she never treated you the way you wanted to be treated. good luck on your life and i really hope you have a wonderful really good life. and i think you will.

Answer 6

I think there is some thing deep inside you emotionally breaks your heart for having such a relationship with you steomom, you are a good person I can tell. you did not tell us how exactly she abused you but it could have been for you benefits, stepmom are usually difficult to live with no body doubt that, but after all she is the one who took care of you when you were child. nothing wrong with forgiveness, because with out that value in our life we all would not be living together on earth. my advise to you is try to contact her as soon as you can and try to build up a friendly relationship with her and I am sure that she will respond very well for that because even her feels that you and her should be friend " you are NOT that child any more" and she knows that, that is why she reprimanded you on the phone for not asking about her!

good luck!

Answer 7

You know, what she has done is a criminal offence. You do realise that it can be reported at anytime, if your sister will back you up and tell the truth, then you can both get rid of the ghosts that surround you.
If you can get your sister to hve a coffee with you, even if you both dont want to report it try to make things up with your sister and then both of you, hand in hand walk away.
Go to your Father, both of you, tell him about the abuse and tell him that is it up to him as to whether he believes you or not and tell him, that you both are going to walk away, heads held high as you are the victims, the innocent one's and NOT the criminals.
You have a full life ahead of you, you have made friends on here now, by coming on and telling us this, we all will support you. Life for you is begining, the step Mother, well, she will be judged by God unless she repents which is doubtful. You, will also be judged, but VERY Favourably. Good luck

Answer 8

My answer is that no one should have to take abuse of any kind from anyone, no matter who they are. Your dad is just as guilty as your stepmom for allowing this to go on. I know we all want the dream family, but not all of us have them. I would not ever even speak to my stepmom or anyone that can be abusive especially when they continue to behave this way and have not made any honest amends. Stay away from people who are not adding to your peace of mind. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

I'm sorry you and your sister were abused as children, and that your Dad didn't protect you. In my opinion you would benefit from counselling to come to terms with what happened and move on. I think it's understandable you don't want to talk to your Stepmom, you don't have to listen to her abuse over the phone. The relationships you need to concentrate on improving are with your Dad and Sister. Good luck.

Answer 10

Dear Ashley,what a terrible thing to have happened to you and your sister.First of all ,what happened was not your fault.Secondly,you must contact your Sister and talk everything through.The next step is to understand that your stepmother has striven to keep you apart from your sister and your father because she is afraid of the consequences of her actions,she has broken the law and should be punished for it .When you and your sister feel strong enough and secure in your knowledge of the situation ,you must confront her together, preferably in sight of your dad.After all she is a perpetrator who has nearly destroyed your lives and that of your family.Perhaps your Dad doesn't see it ,but he must be involved with your healing process ,a loving Father is not going to accept that treatment of his daughters,if he fails to see and understand the truth then I cannot see how that would work.At some point she is going to have to face the truth and admit her guilt in the situation .I think you can carry on with your life anyway,but this needs to be resolved and it will begin, when you are re-united with your sister .It is possible that your step-mom was abused but her actions are against all the decent laws of behaviour.Why should you lose your sister through this ?Your step-mom stole your childhoods away from you.It is not to late to report it to the law. There are many associations that deal with this kind of thing everyday.Helplines are available.In England we have one called Ester Rantzens Childline.I hope I have been of some help I would be very happy to hear good news from you.Please e mail me [e-mail] if you need to chat about anything.L.J.C.

Answer 11

its unhappy particular. I definatly get your frustration, anger and how injury and disappointed it makes you sense. yet particularly litterally it is your dad's conflict. there's no longer something i will say or something human beings can say which will furnish help to out in this concern. purely understand you ought to stay your existence. once you're in contact approximately abuse to the infants, you ought to call the police or new child amenities and clarify what you have witnessed. it relatively is the regulation (a minimum of in canada). yet honestly, you in my opinion can't do something. This had each and every thing to with your dad! ultimate desires!