I got kidnapped by a colony of Red Ants.. I only have Splenda now they want to sacrifice me what now?

Answer 1

Ok this is what you do. I had a similar situation back in 'Nam. What you do, is first of all, you must always be prepared for this situation. This is why along with Splenda, you should always carry a lighter and a large bag of cacao beans. While the ants have you in their ant-dungeon (which by the way smells strangely of leaves and old lemon peels), you cook up a concoction of delicious chocolate by grinding the cacao beans, mixing it with the Splenda, and heating it until you have a rich brown cream. Then, while the mixture is still bubbling, tell the ants that by immersing themselves in this liquid, they will highly attract ants of the opposite sex.

Although ants are very smart, their sex drive takes over. This will result in all of the ants storming quickly into the sea of chocolate. Now, rather than this sticky situation resulting in your death, you have a brilliant display of chocolate-covered ants.

Now, after this is all done, you will call Oprah Winfrey and tell her your heart-warming tale. She will take you on your show, and promote the book you wrote about this situation. This will multiply the profits on the book ten-fold, helping you cash in on her enormous pull in economy.

After this, Martha Stewart will take you on her program to show housewives how to prepare a delicious meal of chocolate covered ants for their next holiday meal.

Answer 2

Oh that's easy, this same thing happened to me just last week. First thing you need to is look around and find some dirt. Mix the Splenda and dirt together using your own spit as a mixing agent...........oh wait, did you say Red Ants? Sorry I was kidnapped by Black Ants, can't help you. Good luck though, you're gonna need it.

Answer 3

Beg for mercy

Answer 4

Stop drinking and taking drugs.

Answer 5

Easy just............wait a minute what?

Answer 6

hahahahahahahhahahahah will you mary me?