I want to have a baby, but my husbands not ready now!?

Question

I'm 20yrs old and so is my husband, we are high school sweet hearts and we are VERY MUCH IN LOVE! I'm ready to complete our family with a child, but my husband wants to wait a little longer. We own are own home, cars, etc. We're not in debt. and I feel like we can do it, but I think he's just scared. To be honest, I think what is keeping him from wanting a baby now is that he hates Male OBGYN's, he wants no other man to ever see me and I know he's scared that something will go wrong on delivery day and a man could possably end up in the delivery room. I feel the same way about wanting only my husband to be the only man to ever see me, but I believe that if you say NO male doctors the hospital will respect your wishes. HOW DO I CONVIENCE MY HUSBAND OF THIS?

Answer 1

You are both being silly.

You for wanting a child so desperately at 20. Your husband for not wanting you to have medical treatment by a male doctor.

Neither one of you is ready for parenthood.

Answer 2

I don't think your being silly ! I believe at 20 years old your old enuf to make up your mind. I know my husband was scraed and said he did not want a baby and then we got pregnant and he was way more happy then i was because i got scared after I found out but everythign is working out well. Guys don't wanna talk about having babies they would just rather it happen. As for the delivery when you go for the first prenatal clinic visit you need to get a pap test and you can ask for a female doctor. Then after that until the end they just measure you and stuff so that would not matter if you have a male doctor. On the day of delivery you or your husband is no longer going to care because your just gonna want it out and he is just gonna want it out also because he won't be able to stand you in all that pain, it breaks there heart. And if your lucky you will get a female doctor so the best of luck to both of you.

Answer 3

If the doctor is the main issue for him, try and set up a day for you both to visit doctors offices. Check out what doctors work where and which ones are male or female. Pre-choose together which doctor you both would feel comfortable going to before you even get pregnant. Then when you do get to that point you know exactly who you will be seeing and that problem of insecurity will not be found. If there is another reason as to why I think you should bothe compromise. Ask him when he thinks would be the best time to try and concieve a child? A year, maybe 3??? Try to come up with and agreed time to start trying that way he can wait a little bit longer before having a child, and you still get the answer you want to hear.... ok we can work on it! lol Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

One option is to opt for a midwife and a home birth. Of course you can't forsee problems, it is true that if you specify that you want only female nurses and doctors, they hospital will comply if at all possible. I felt that way too, I have a CNM (certified nurse midwife) as my ob, but since I have other complications, where we live it wasn't really possible to have an all female staff. It bothered me at first, but now, it isn't so bad...but I make sure my husband is with me everytime I have an appointment. I am 24, and my husband is 29, we both had a kinda, wierd feeling the first time, but after that, it was ok. Good Luck with things, and be honest with eachother. Communication is the most important thing in marriage, so honestly talk things out, maybe there are other reasons. Best wishes to you both and just remember, having a baby means effecting both of you, so make sure he is ready to help and support you physically and emotionally. It is also the greatest blessing! Luck to you both!

Answer 5

I too think that you’re both being silly. When you are ready to leap into parenthood you have to be mature enough to have other doctors looking and touching your womanly parts. And sorry Hun, but most doctors are male. Though I do not agree with your age being a problem. I am 20 and my husband is also 20, we are expecting our first baby this summer. Your husband may need sometime to grow up a bit, and realize that pregnancy involves a lot of touching and another man may need to see you “down there”. Maybe consider a midwife.

Answer 6

do not, DO NOT get pregnant if your husband isn`t really ready for it. a baby can be a real dealbreaker if both parents aren`t ready, and getting preggers intentionally without his knowledge is LYING. if he really does have a problem with male OB/GYNs, get a female OB/GYN, or a midwife; there are lots of alternatives. i don`t know how long you`ve been married, but why can`t you wait? you`re only 20--get to know your husband, get to know him well. once a baby DOES make an appearance--you will never have certain opportunities alone together again. babies are great (even if they do grow up into surly teenagers), but they ARE a lot of work, and they don`t love you right off the bat; they don`t have that capacity--they`re BABIES. before you make any HUGE decisions (like having a baby), make sure that you BOTH are READY. there are a lot of parents who desperately love their kids---but they also wish they had waited a while...

Answer 7

Pregnancy should be a mutual decision. There will be always male and female OBGYNs, now or 10 years from now. (For that matter, how is it any better to have another woman touch you? Isn't it even worse? Gee.... but OK do whatever you want - ask for a female doctor) You should talk to him openly about what stops him. If he is just not ready and doesn't even know why, you might need to wait for him a couple of years, respect his feelings.

Answer 8

This shoudl have been a conversation you had before you got married. Parenthood is a 2 way street, you need to respect his decision to not want children yet. If it was the other way around you'd want him to respect you too wouldn't you? As for the whole who's seeing what aspect.... relax... when your in that much pain you wont give a **** who sees your stuff. If it's THAT big of a deal, hire a Dula and a Midwife who are both women and do it alone at home.

Answer 9

I heartily concur with "Great Dane"'s answer.

Your husband isn't ready in more ways than one. "He wants no other man to ever see me and I know he's scared that something will go wrong on delivery day and a man could possably end up in the delivery room" -- ?? Is this a joke?

This must be a joke. Never mind.

Answer 10

honestly, my bf does not want any one else to see me either but with my last dr i seen a female the entire time but on d day guess what it was a male dr. today it is very hard to find drs that work solo, many of them share scheduling around my house, but maybe if you looked into a midwife to deliver. but you still have male drs, i think there might be more that your husband is afraid of then just that b/c if he really wanted a child he could go to all appointments and watch so he knows nothing else is happening or that they are not being inappropriate towards you- i would try to get him to open up a little more.
my bf still gets upset thinking about the male dr but for this pregnancy i had no choice to see a male and he is a little more comfortable with it.

Answer 11

Ask for a female OBGYN. If he's not ready yet give him some time. Your both only 20, get to know eachother a little more and enjoy your marriage with just the 2 of you for a while.