This all started with them before my son was ever born. My fiance's mom always makes comments that irritate me when it comes to our son. Like for instance when we signed up for a gift registry for our baby shower she said our stroller looked cheap. I don't understand as to why these things even need to be said. We also got christmas pictures of him and she said she liked everything but the binky in his mouth. I won't go on an on here because there are many more things but my fiance says I take things too personally, am I? And also they will be coming here for a visit how can I deal with all this, should I keep my mouth shut if something bothers me or stand my ground a little bit?
2007-01-10 08:55:42 · 11 answers · asked by KDB 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Have your husband talk to his mother before she gets there and have him tell her to be on her best behavior during her visit and to compliment you on what a good job you are doing with her grandchild! He should tell her you are a bit sensitive and emotional because you are still going through hormonal changes since giving birth and he would appreciate his mother being extra nice and helpful and to keep her trap shut should she have any unsolicited advice to give. I would also use this time to have her be a granny nanny and get out of the house to do some solo shopping or get a massage or something while you have a free sitter!
2007-01-10 13:14:13 · answer #1 · answered by trouperstar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Your fiance's ex is determined to be stubborn and immature about this. I know people are saying you can go pick up the son with a police escort, but think about how traumatising that would be for the kid. Plus relations with his mother would be worse after that (if that is at all possible). Sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but this is the woman your fiance chose as the mother of his child. Until his son is 18, your fiance needs to deal with the consequences of that choice in the sense that he has to maintain a somewhat civilised relationship with his son's mother. And, since you're getting married to him, so do you.
2016-05-23 06:27:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stand your ground a lil but not so much as to hurt her feelings. From the 2 descriptions you gave she is just voiceing her opinion, which everyone is allowed to do, if she gets to be too much just tell her that you like things the way they are. for example when she said the pacy in the pic looked bad just say something like "It would have looked worse if he was screaming" Or that you stroller looked cheap you could say something like " It has a great rateing". Don't let her get you down, she just wants what she thinks is best for her grandchild, which is a good thing, Just don't let her make you feel like a second rate parent just because she dosent agree with everything you do. And remember, They will go home! But your child is yours and always will be. So do what you think is best and if she gets to be to much remember he is your baby and you will do wha you think is best.
2007-01-10 09:06:31 · answer #3 · answered by rose_calhoun23 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When she says stuff like the comment about the stroller just say " I think it's fine" or something in that nature and she will probably back off. Don't let things get too ugly. It sounds like they live kinda far so I wouldn't put too much thought into it since you don't have to deal with them on a constant basis.
2007-01-10 09:11:47 · answer #4 · answered by ashez 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Simply ask his mom to "help you in the kitchen" shortly after they arrive. Express to her that "you may be over-reacting, but..." and tell her a few examples that upset you. Assure her that you're simply trying to determine whether your feelings are unrational or not. If your fiance' is so sure that it is "all you", then he wouldn't have a problem talking to his mother with you.
If you never say anything, you will create nothing but anxiety for yourself. Get it out in the open, deal with it now before it becomes too big, and bask in the eventual relief.
2007-01-10 09:10:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can relate. Just find a party line....something that you can say over and over when she says something that irritates you. After you say it five or six times....she'll get the point.
Here are some good ones:
"I'm sorry you feel that way?"
"Wow! I disagree!" (and then turn away or change the subject)
"Really? Hmmmmm......" (and then roll your eyes and change the subject)
It's okay to roll your eyes or express disagreement. Do it in a way that doesn't feed into her criticism....but also in a way that makes HER look like the culprit. Maybe, just maybe, she'll stop!!?? (But maybe she won't....some mother's in law are just always going to be critical. Learn to let it roll off you!!)
Good luck!!
2007-01-12 19:01:31 · answer #6 · answered by diapercakesbybecca 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Husband has a brother, His wife and I have become really close friends over the years (10yrs Ive been with my husband).
One conversation we have regularily is how annoying our mother in law can be! we both love her and are thinkful for all that she does for us, but she can be really insulting and not even realize it! I cant tell you the number of times she has had me to tears through fustration!
How I have managed this long is
1) we moved into another city - it wasnt due to her, but really helped our relationship
2) I try to shrug as much as I can off, when she says something that I find insulting or hurtful I try to think of where its coming from!
3) and this took me a while and I still find myself doing it at times but I really try not to ***** about her to my husband, he understands my point but finds it hurtful when you say bad things about the person that raised him
4) to keep MY sanity, I will voice my opinion a bit, defend myself.. for instance explain why I chose that paint colour, or why I use this laundry detergent instead of the cheap one she uses, but as I explain I disregard her comments back if they are negative.
Good Luck
2007-01-10 09:11:20 · answer #7 · answered by Why? ... 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
HAHAHA Hun that aint nothing! you should meet my monster-in-law ! She calls me fat and I am 115pounds. She says I am a gold digger although when me and my hubby got together I made more money than him. Even told me when it came to me and my hubby getting married she told my hubby (her son) it was going to be her way or she wouldnt come. TAlk about a MOnster -In-LAW. If she gets to pushy just remember you are the babys mom so you will have to stand up to her and tell her what for! If you dont she will keep on being that way. Good Luck!
2007-01-10 09:06:33 · answer #8 · answered by Lil lady 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Smile and say, "Thanks, I can use all the advice I can get" or something that makes her feel good about what she's doing. When she asks (if she ever does) why you didn't follow her advice, simply say that you can't follow the advice of everyone, you've got to find your own way with your baby.
Also, consider the fact that maybe you are over reacting...after all, you're going to marry her son, she raised him, obviously, she's not too much of a whack-job.
2007-01-10 09:10:10 · answer #9 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
judjing by the other answers and as a new mum myself this is so normal!!! i cant bear the "out-laws" even touching my daughter even though they are such lovely people and yes everything they say buggs the s*** out of me so take pleasure in knowing you are so not alone!!!! If it gets really bad when they come just say you have a headache and take yourself off to your room for however long you need!!! keep smiling x
2007-01-10 09:29:04 · answer #10 · answered by smartie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋