is this a good poem? be truthful?

Question

well its kinda deperssing so say what you think


just maybe ............
if you wish really hard ................
your dreams will come true................
but what am i saying.............
this isnt fairy tale land or even dream world.............
its just plain old earth.............
where people say and do stupid things ...........
and you watch ............
the 1 you like flirting with the person that you thought was your friend............
but its all just life........
nobodys happy all the time..........
people are killed..........
hearts are broken.........
friends are lost .........
relationships are ended...........
so where is that fairy tale again ..........
only in dream world ......
so where is dream world?......
only in your mind.........
so maybe 1 day you will see that dream world..........
just maybe.......

Answer 1

I felt your poem, Personally I feel if another person can feel it, it's wonderful. You made the connection from one soul to another.
I think poems are good for release of your artist soul. That's your emotions coming to light, the more you write...you open your soul to the world and creativity flows...

blessings~

Answer 2

just maybe i found it,
that dream fairy tale
my boat is here,
i'm ready to sail.

my friend is again,
life is as life.
i cried but in vain,
all gone is my strife.

you live and you learn,
you do and you say.
try not to yearn,
for at life at play.

lifes not a race,
the land does exist.
go your own pace,
you'll find your dream through the mist.

sorry was bored so thought i'd give it a go ;)
did like ur poem, potential is good, keep it up it's the best expression of emotion, and often the most honest!

Answer 3

i'm no longer asserting if it replaced into precise or incorrect, i'm purely answering what i've got faith happened on your question. Your question could have been deleted under the rule of thumb: Venting, ranting or employing hate speechYahoo! solutions isn't a soapbox to vent very own frustrations or rant approximately themes. we are a community of folk with diverse ideals, evaluations, and backgrounds, so please be respectful and keep hateful and incendiary comments off Yahoo! solutions. Chatting or otherwise violating the question-and-answer format.Yahoo! solutions is a community of questions and solutions, no longer a communicate room. If a submit is neither a query nor an answer, it doesn’t belong right here. in case you’re searching for a place to speak with others, attempt Yahoo! communities or Yahoo! Messenger Chat Rooms.

Answer 4

To make this into a better poem, remember that poetry is "the economy of language;" not just sentences broken up into fragments.

Try re-writing it and see how much of it you can eliminate and still retain the essence of what you want to say.

And of course, there are all kinds of poetry.

Here's one of mine:

Cycles

Outside
black locust leaves
fall like sage green snow
carpeting the frosty lawn.

Inside
musk scented steam
floats like a cloud
condensing on bubbling flutes.

Lovers' fantasies
driven indoors;
exchanging summer heat
for healing waters
and the fireplace glow.

Answer 5

Do you like it? Then it's good! Write for yourself, not for the basturds on here.

1 should be one, and you usually only use three periods, but both are completely up to you. I like the repetition at the beginning and end. I'd play around with it a little more.

I suggest posting poetry at deliric.com.

I think it outlines some very universal thoughts...it's putting them into the perfect words that is a challenge.

Answer 6

Sorry, no it is not very good, but you do have potential. It sounds very young, but you are thinking/writing about things that are good for poetry, just try to find a way to make the words flow with some attention to form and rhythm, not just the sentiment. Like I said it does look like you have potential so do not give up, just practice, everyone has to to get really good at most everything.

One example is words like flirting don't really lend them selves to good writing.

Answer 7

I say if you love to write poetry, keep writing. People don't express their emotions enough in this world. It's a great way to deal with stress and life altogether. Keep going no matter what people on here think.

Answer 8

its not really a poem, its more prose. a bit naeive sounding but its pretty good. keep trying! revise a little..and youll have a true poem in no time.
oh and lose the dots. theyre somewhat annoying.

Answer 9

You have a good start. the idea of the poem is great. if you worked on making it flow more it could really touch some people.

Answer 10

It's okay. Lacks simile and metaphor, but those aren't necessarily needed in a good poem. It's a good effort.