Has anyone ever been in this situation and how do you handle it? Basically my son is not accepting him (even though he said he'll try and be nice to him) but my son keeps his distance even though my Fiance' does nice things for him. My son is a pretty nice and mellow kid; however, he's still not nice to my Fiance' and now it's causing fights between us and I don't want to take sides because instinctively I want my son to be happy. But I want to hear from different perspectives.
2007-01-10 07:41:39 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My Fiance and I are not living together yet (not till after wedding day)
2007-01-10 07:57:16 · update #1
Of course you want your son to be happy, YOU deserve to be happy too!!! Although it is very important what your son thinks and how he feels, but he will technically be "out of the house" in about 4 yrs. He is probably mommas boy too. He wants to protect you. In time he will come around, don't let your fiance' overdue the nice things, it would be like he was trying to hard. Let things happen as they come. Good Luck!!!!
2007-01-10 07:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard question and the answer is different for everyone. The best thing you can do is not to have the boyfriend living with you. Your children, especially your son has an image of how their mom should be. Yes, you deserve to be happy, but not at the expense of another person. Always remember your son was there first and when you make a decision that he will be a part of in one way or another, there should always be discussions and agreements. Find out why your son does not like the boyfriend and, as I said, I hope he is not living with you, because you are then pushing him on to your son, and your son does have the right to have some say in who will live in the home.
2007-01-10 16:03:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a pretty tricky situation. The best advice I can give you is to only marry this guy when your son accepts it. If he's still unhappy on your wedding day, you can bet that their will be a ton of problems. Sit down with your son and fiance and talk to them about the situation. Ask your son why he isn't accepting your fiance and ask your fiance if he can make this transition easier on your son by not causing problems. You need to be calm and patient with both of them. If your son's problems can't be solved, you need to discuss other options with both your fiance and your son. If your son's father is still around and a fit parent, discuss having your son live with him for a while. If not, ask your son if their is anything that would help him get used to the idea of you marrying your fiance. It might help if he can have more space and uninterrupted time to himself. But if nothing works, youre going to have to talk to your fiance about waiting unitl your son is 18 and out of the house before you get married. If he truly loves you and your son, he will be accepting of that plan.
I hope everything works out for you!
2007-01-10 15:51:05 · answer #3 · answered by lostinabook24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am from a blended family...it's not going to happen overnight. Talk to your son about why he doesn't like your fiance. It may be that your Son is feeling insecure about his place in your life. You son is close to 18 and he will be moving out soon but don't wait to get married. You deserve to be happy too.
Just encourage your Son to give your Fiance a chance & encourage your fiance to not push. My Dad came in the new house like I am man of the house you do what I say & it caused a lot of problems. Encourage don't push. But go ahead with your plans.
2007-01-10 16:17:15 · answer #4 · answered by Kier22_2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has it been you and son for a number of years?
He might be jealous that the new guy has most or all of your attention now.
You can't force someone to like someone else.
Let the guys hash it out on their own, guys work things out without a woman constantly interferring.. they will mend in 4 years or your son will move to college and it won't make any difference.
Dont' fret just marry your fiance' enjoy your life and don't talk about it with your son anymore he isn't a baby..
2007-01-10 15:47:07 · answer #5 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have the same problem where my 13 year old son dislikes my fiance for no apparent reason. My son only talks to him when he is in need of a favor or help. Any other time he ignores him. It is hurtful to my fiance and he is undeserving of it. I told my fiance to ignore his pleas for help and "favors" until he can respect him. So far, he hasn't needed anything but I'm not sure it will work
2007-01-10 15:48:59 · answer #6 · answered by latinadiabla_1976 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your son may have trouble accepting someone new he feels is intruding in your life together. But you also have the right to find happiness for yourself. Your son will be 18 in a few years, he may go to college or move out on his own. Of course you want him to be happy, but shouldn't he want the same for you? You shouldn't have to take sides, but it is your life and you may have to take a stand.
2007-01-10 15:49:37 · answer #7 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take things slowly with your fiance....if he's already living with you that's too bad, however, your son will be 18 in 4 years so don't expect them to like each other...just tolerate each other.
2007-01-10 15:46:30 · answer #8 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with sawy sue and sunbun. You son come first. Wait until your son is 18 and moves out. If your fiance' loves you he will be willing to wait. If he's not willing to wait than he is not for you.
2007-01-10 16:36:02 · answer #9 · answered by chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in that situation except I'm the kid. My parents, both remarried. I don't really like my step-mom and I didn't really get a say. If I had, I wouldn't have let my dad marry her. I would actually stop talking to him because of her. The only reason I haven't is because they have my half-sister.
2007-01-10 15:45:23 · answer #10 · answered by Time goes by 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋