What would you do if you where married but feel alone?

Question

I feel alone, my husband doesn't want to know or do what I like, nor want he to know how I feel. We went counseling for 7 years, it is not working. He retired this January and his hobies are beer and TV. I don't know who I am anymore and where I belong.

Answer 1

Decide if you want to remain married to this man. Tell him that by leaving you emotionally, that he is essentially doing the same thing as someone who has an affair and is leaving the relationship.

If his hobby is beer, he may be alcoholic, or depressed and thus turning to alcohol.

Would suggest Al-Anon, a support group for spouses of alcoholics.

Also, consider getting a dog and developing a social network of friends outside of the marriage.

Finally, divorce.

Answer 2

My guess is that you already have spoken to your husband about how alone you have been feeling. Seems as if he lost interest in you and is avoiding issues by watching tv and drinking beer, or you have been repeating your unhappiness so much that he tunes you out.. Try this approach, ask him out for dinner and a movie, if he declines your offer, then let him know that you will then call up a girlfriend or relative and go out yourself. Get busy doing things you are interested in. Try not to depend on him as your only source of intertainment and happiness. I bet once he sees you need him less, he will feel more relaxed and even start to miss you as you get busy with your life. You probably look to him as a person with no outside interests and therefore he is bored with you. If he is a nice husband and this is the only thing he does wrong, then try what I ask. If he is a total jerk, and counseling has not help, then he is just not taking you seriously and then you will have to make a serious decision. And that is if you are willing to continue this way or not. You have to really be willing to make yourself happy and stop looking at your husband for being responsible to fulfill all your happiness. Whenever you want a man's attention, sometimes doing and acting otherwise will stir him in your direction.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear that Lucia. It's possible that, no fault of either of you, you simply have grown apart. To be fair, marriage is not an absolute cure for loneliness. We all get lonely from time to time. If you still love your husband focus on the things you love about him and the things that you two share in common as far as interests go.

Also, perhaps it's time for you to explore your own independence a little more. Now is the time to do the things that you like to do. Take a class on something you always wanted to learn. Join or start a book club. Get in shape. Volunteer to help out a cause you believe in. What's left on your life's to-do list?

Your happiness is something that's within your control. There are individual and group activities out there for you to discover and enjoy and bring fun into your life and to give you a meaningful connection to other people and even yourself. Trust me, if you start having fun on your own and enjoying your life you will feel great and look great as a result. And, men being men, your husband will eventually want to know how he can get in on what's making you feel so good. Good luck.

Answer 4

I'm 52 an retired. My wife still works. I felt much the same way, until i was about to go crazy. So i started a coin collection, built a green house, got into gardening and landscaping the yard.

I also get out and do metal detecting, and photography, taking pictures of landscapes, animals, etc.

I do all these things besides the house cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping. Anything that needs doing around the house i do it.

If i'm really lucky i get to spend 5 minutes each evening chatting with her, then she's off to shower, and goes to her bedroom to watch tv and sleep.

I don't think my wife gives a damn about anything but my retirement check.
rather than divorce, i decided to just occupy my time with things i enjoy doing.

Answer 5

I think for the most part, as women, we all feel this way a lot. No matter how well you get along with your husband. I would suggest going out with friends, doing things you enjoy that you can do alone. If you don't think the counseling is working, then you have to do what is right for you. Best wishes to you.

Answer 6

Communication is KEY in a marriage. It seems to me that the communication has completely shut down in your marriage. You have been in counseling for 7 and your husband is still acting the same way, you need to have a serious talk and find solutions if he is willing. If you want your marriage to work that is what you are going to have to do. But remember, a marriage doesn't work with just one person, it takes two and if one is unwilling then you may have to think of other options. Prayer usually works also, so begin praying for your husband and your marriage. Take care.

Answer 7

Question. Are you lonely or bored. If you are lonely because he doesnt like the things you do, then it will not change. If you feel that he loves you then dont feel lonely. If you are bored, then get a hobby,,something you always wanted to do. Just be very careful. If you love this man, which I assume you do seeing that you went to counceling for 7 years, be careful of not meeting seomeone else at your new hobbie activities, and start thinking you love the new person because he likes the same things you do.

Answer 8

Don't define yourself by someone else. You need more self-definition in your life. Take a class, join a church group, mingle, talk to the neighbors, take a job. All of these things will make your life more interesting and make your husband want to know what you're up to. If not, at least you have lived an interesting life.

Answer 9

I know exactly how u feel.I tried to make it work but thats not what he wanted. I put up with that for 5 years trying to be a good wife and mother,but I felt alone and eventually lost myself esteem. It will be hard but you will be happier without him. I have been single for 2 years and I am happy and stronger because of it.

Answer 10

Just because you are married you don't have to give up your life. Go out and do things with others. Have a good time. If he wants to just sit at home and drink beer then let him. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. If you are not happy, you have no one to blame except you.