OK lets assume a guy would remain in the marriage and love his wife, raise kids, make love to her, support her and generally treat her with great respect (in every other aspect) but wanted to take a mistress also. What would be the ethical (or otherwise) problem with this? (Please note this is a hypothetical question and it is not my opinion that it would be ok.)
2007-01-10 07:30:35 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT READ THE WHOLE QUESTION...
I stated this is a HYPOTHETICAL question not my opinion.
Also I didn't state there would be lying to the wife. Please don't assume details.
I wrote this from a mans point of view as men SEEM to be better at sex without involvement. Please just stick to the details adressed in the question.
2007-01-10 07:46:18 · update #1
I'm learning so far but people, I am a demon. I have no anatomy for a wife or a mistress. I have observed this behaviour in various cultures and the reaction to it and am curious to learn. Lets talk philosophically.
2007-01-10 07:56:17 · update #2
Nothing, if the man can keep the situation in its proper perspective. It's not uncommon for a man's mistress to be with him for almost as many years as his wife. Society frowns on this, but its actually not a problem if the people involved are happy.
2007-01-10 07:50:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
The ethical prob is you have breached a contract/sworn oath if you have an understanding of exclusive relationship. If you have an 'open marriage' where you both agreed to have lovers that's ok IMO. Having the mistress while your wife is still held/and believes in, the exclusive contract is not ok, is deceptive and harmful...is not the love/respect for her which you describe. It also seriously risks and jeopardizes the marriage,
What will you tell the mistress??? what will be your contract with her?? that you are single?? that you may marry her?? that you are married but separated?? that you may leave your wife and marry the mistress?? What about the 'ethics' of damage to her life/feelings
I think it would be better to be asking what is missing in your life which you think will be solved by a mistress/affair....and whether that can be solved in another way which doesn;t jeopardize the marriage and is not potentially so harmful all around.
2007-01-10 08:02:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
There are at least 3 morale problems with a married man keeping a mistress.
1. He cheats the wife who has the right to all of her husbands Romantic affection. The time, money, and energy he spends on his mistress is robbed from his wife.
2. He cheats the mistress of her chance to have a happy home with a family. He also forces her to accept a position of second best.
3. He cheats his Kids of the time and resources he spends with his Mistress that he could have spent on raising them.
There is also the practical problem of STD. Not only does he expose himself to disease, but he also exposes his wife against her will.
.
2007-01-10 15:52:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
even if the guy would tr eat his wife no differently, one day the mistress may want to be more than a mistress, she may feel used and abused, call the wife, ruin the marriage, and it goes on and on with the problems caused by having a mistress. he may at some point love the mistress more than the wife, and it will show in their marriage. he may at some point want to end it with the mistress, and as a result she will be left with a broken heart. just selfish really, it is really saying this man is not completely pleased in his marriage, and needs to find what he is seeking outside the marriage. this man doesn't seem to see the hurt he will be causing both the wife and the mistress.
2007-01-10 13:11:19 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If all he wants is another woman to have sex wit it is wrong. In different religions it is lawful for men to have more than one wife, but in your case (hypothetically) your saying just a 'mistress' aka a booty call. Trust me that has been done to me recently and it will get vicious in the long run. A woman cant have sex with a man without developing feelings. The more you sex her, the more she is going to want you to split from your wife. Trust me, the wife will be able to detect it too. Women's intuition. It is morally wrong for the obvious reasons. But I am confused myself because I want to be with my ex real bad and the thougt of adultery is so terrible, but it is really hard to resist if you love that person.
At least the man should consider that he would be hurting both women, but then again men hardly ever consider the emotional aspect of who gets hurt....they only care about instant gratification most times.
2007-01-10 07:39:10 · answer #5 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let me assume that the wife finds out or knows of the said mistress. Then hired a good private detective to take incriminating photos of her loving husband and mistress. What would happen when she took him to court on grounds of adultery? He would end up alone, heartbroken and penniless, forgotten by the mistress because he can't afford her anymore. And more importantly, why would he want another woman if he "loved" his wife? You had good thought about this question, I will give you that much. :)
2007-01-10 07:49:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would say there is nothing wrong with this as long as the wife is able to do the same(take on a bf), or allow the mistress and the wife to meet and allow them to decide if the 3 of them can enjoy each other, but then that brings on a whole lot of other issues.
2007-01-10 12:54:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
All the stuff you listed would not be applicable if you wanted a mistress. You shouldn't be or get married- you especially shouldn't bring children into that situation. It's being very selfish so don't bring others down with you. Find a non-monogamous relationship and bring others into that circle- but don't get a wife and kids and do it.
2007-01-10 07:40:48 · answer #8 · answered by NLH823 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One potential problem would be how the children would react if they found out, in-laws may have a problem with it, as well as your employer if he had one.
Of course the risk of STD's is another as well as possibly developing real feelings toward the mistress, or her to you.
At one time it was socially acceptable; and it is now to a point. Isn't a friend with benifits about the same?
2007-01-10 08:20:12 · answer #9 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What your question is lacking is Empathy.
How would YOU feel if the tables were turned? What if you were the one who was being cheated on.
By the way, what makes you think that you are treating her well if you find you have to lie to her? How can you say you love her if you are lying to her? Lying and loving are two opposite ends of the spectrum.
2007-01-10 07:36:23 · answer #10 · answered by Miki 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋