My live in Boyfriend of 16 months and I went to Nevada recently; our second out of state trip, to visit my family. While we were down there he told my father that he didn't want to marry me right now because he's afriad that I'm going to cheat on him; he also told my dad that I've never done anything that would make him not trust me... what do I do to help him??
He was married in the past for a short period of time no kids and yes she cheated on him. I'm also
10 years younger then him, I'm 20 years old to his 30.
We are building a house togeather in April... why are things moving in such a backwards chain?
2007-01-10 07:20:50 · 11 answers · asked by Katrina 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't cheat for anything, I'd rather be cheated on then cheat.
2007-01-10 07:49:13 · update #1
Okay he says that he DOES want to get married, he's just afraid to right now. I told him that I wasn't sure about moving in with him while we didn't have plans to get married or anything, and he just said, Okay.
2007-01-10 08:05:22 · update #2
Sometimes people see the past hurts in someone else. Give him some time. It sounds like you guys are already moving in the direction of a long-term commitment so don't let the marriage piece become to much of a problem for you.
2007-01-10 07:26:44 · answer #1 · answered by willinkc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off he had no place saying that to your father, I can understand him being over cautious but that is ridiculous. Second of all building a house is a bad idea, because if things do not head towards marriage (if that's what you are looking for ) it will not be a wise investment. You need to sit down and talk with him. Age difference doesn't matter but you may wnat to get a bit more life experience before that kind of commitment
2007-01-10 07:31:44 · answer #2 · answered by jaws1013 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well first off living together is a BIG deal to start with so whether he is scared to marry u now for his own reasons will still be the issue while ur living together...
i mean b/c u get married are us expected to cheat anymore than if ur justliving together?
If ur fine with living witha him and not reaping any benefits of marriage don't bother y ur going backwards....
He is goin to have to address his issues w/ his past or keep the baggage he has and have the possibility of loosing u
2007-01-10 08:57:09 · answer #3 · answered by ~Niecee~ âË» âË» ♂ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things are moving backwards because your allowing him too. I would not build or buy a home with someone I wasn't married or getting married tooo. Its just tooo big of a commitment. He is carrying baggage from past relationship and needs to get a grip.
2007-01-10 07:25:45 · answer #4 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend doesn't trust his own judgment in people.
He thought his wife wouldn't cheat and she did.
He knows he can be wrong about people.
Its going to take time for him to trust himself and others.
FYI
20 is kind of young to think about getting married. Plus the strong you are as a person the stronger couple you will make. your relationship is before and beyond being married. I recommend to focus on your life together married or not.
2007-01-10 07:48:08 · answer #5 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men that are cheated on never really get over it.....and you CAN'T help him with this. If he has unreasonable fears about being cheated on (he said you hadn't done anything to make him not trust you) then he really needs to speak to a professional. If you haven't proven your trustworthiness to him by now, this is HIS problem and you won't be able to make it better.
2007-01-10 07:29:33 · answer #6 · answered by AmyB 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things are moving in the direction the two of you are steering it.If this man has issues with getting married and you know this,then why are you going to live with him?If you want marriage and he doesn't,which is his right,then you should not be living with him and hoping he will change his mind,in fact you should be open to others who may want the same things you want.
2007-01-10 07:57:31 · answer #7 · answered by punkin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's terrified of getting hurt again. Trust will come in time. I don't think there is anything you can do to help him. Just be you and for gods sake don't cheat on him.
2007-01-10 07:42:57 · answer #8 · answered by Dave B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him what you can do to prove you're loyal to him. It's different for different guys. My wife had to do some pretty extreem stuff, but she gave me a pretty good reason not to trust her right out of the gate. In another circumstance, it would have been different.
2007-01-10 07:40:44 · answer #9 · answered by Sean J 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him I would hang in there he will come around to your way of thinking and you will eventually get married
2007-01-10 07:29:15 · answer #10 · answered by tigarsoft 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋