I have plans this friday, sat, and sun. My mother in law's aunt died, and I am going to the wake friday night and the funeral saturday morning. Has anybody ever had to alter previous plans at the last minute for this type of thing? How did you feel about it, and how did your plans turn out? And looking back, are you glad you did the right thing and went to the wake/funeral?
2007-01-10 07:06:28 · 17 answers · asked by misskenjr 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
HELLO! READ, people! I AM going! I am NOT heartless! And I am MISS ken jr, ken's WIFE! *roll my eyes* I asked if this has ever happend to anyone else!
2007-01-10 07:12:10 · update #1
I don't think it's wrong to admit regret about the plans you had... a funeral is a sad thing and if you were close to the person -or especially if you were close to those who're left behind, for they are the ones grieving- then it is a good choice to go and put your plans off for another weekend.... but that doesn't mean it's not a pity about your fun plans, to pretend that it isn't is silly. Just acknowledge it and accept it...
I haven't had to break off any cool plans for funerals -not a large family and few older friends, and not usually a busy agenda either. But I'd feel good about it if I could be supportive of those who're grieving most.
2007-01-10 07:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Surely everyone has had to alter plans to attend the services of a loved one. Its not as if people schedule their deaths to fit into an open slot on the calendars of those who will be grieving. And when a loved one dies you do the respectful thing and attend the services - typically that does involve altering plans and never do you look back saying "Shucks - Susie had a stripper at her party? Doggone wish I would have done that instead of the funeral!"
It sounds like your plans are local events. Not any huge traveling events or seminars. So I guess the question is - what reason would you be looking back 20 years from now wondering did you do the right thing?
It's good that you have decided to attend the services however with the question it still sounds as if you really don't want to be supportive of your husband and that in the end - you'll regret not sticking to the plans that you already made.
Perhaps if you enlightened us on what the plans entail then we'd be able to understand your emotion.
2007-01-10 07:19:31 · answer #2 · answered by The First Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Initially, I thought "you know, whoever the wake is for is probably having a bad day", but you're probably getting beat up on here for no good reason, so scratch that.
Yes, I have had to give up plans, and it annoyed me (especially if it was something that was major... if you were planning to go out-to-eat with friends, cancelling that isn't as major as missing your parents' 50-year-anniversary or missing a concert that won't be back in the area you live in for another four years).
If it were my mother-in-law's aunt (well, if my mother-in-law had an aunt... my husband's family has written off extended family on both sides because they're so "likeable" grrrrrrrr), I think I would say I would have to miss the wake but would definately be at the memorial service/funeral and maybe the visitation, but most people I know don't have wakes.
If your plans can be pushed back, that would be great. If you think no one would mind if you paid your respects at the funeral (it's not like you're an extremely close family member... if it were your husband's aunt or grandmother, I would say be there definately), try that.
It's normal to feel somewhat annoyed at having to change your plans, but if you feel like doing so would mean a lot to your husband and/or your mother-in-law, it may be worth it to just do it.
2007-01-10 07:29:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We've always done the wake AFTER the funeral, but I suppose each has their own way.
Yes, I think most people have had plans changed because of the passing of a loved one (or even an unloved one). It's still important, in my opinion, to change these plans and do what's right. Part of being in a family is being there to help see a part of that family off when their time comes, and to lend support to those most deeply affected by it. Those are the same people that will be there when it's your turn to say goodbye to someone you deeply care about.
2007-01-10 07:11:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The idea that I had for my own (I'm a cancer survivor who has actually planned my own funeral out in advance--thankfully those plans don't appear to be needed right now) was to make it a celebration of my life. The same pastor who oversaw my wedding is a rare man: So long as respect is shown for the religious, he has no trouble seeing to the wishes of disbelievers. While every single person in attendance at my wedding knows I'm an Atheist, I still wanted the pastor to lead a prayer for the rest of my family--nearly all of which hold a Christian denomination. He did it very well: "The bride and groom have requested a moment of prayer for those who would like to participate..." and the moment went on. I spoke with him about overseeing my funeral, and having the same sort of consideration. He agreed, and had several suggestions for making that happen. This way any prayers said for me were by the choice of those offering the prayer. The funeral itself would fit me for who I was, yet allow the survivors to be who they are and deal with things in their own way.
2016-05-23 05:32:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how severe your plans are, but if you are really close with the aunt, then you should probably just go the the funeral. Things like that happen to me a lot so I just have to stick with the plan that would have the most impact on me and the people involved.
2007-01-10 07:10:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't sound like somebody you were very close to.
Your mother in laws aunt?
I would just go to the funeral on Saturday.
Don't feel bad, a lot of other people who were closer to her will be there and your absence will probably not even be noticed.
I have learned to live my life with a lot less guilt.
I am still nice and do the right thing but I don't beat myself up over not doing every single thing people want me to do.
2007-01-10 07:51:45 · answer #7 · answered by mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've had to alter several "plans" for deaths of friends and family. I never regretted going to a single one of these funerals. I guess it depends on how much you value your family. As I recall, I was able to reschedule every event that got interrupted with minimal problems. It depends on how much the people with whom you are attending the event value you and your family. As a general rule, nothing except birth and death only happen once, just catch the next show/game/whatever.
2007-01-10 07:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by Imagineer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Same thing happened to me last month, just before Christmas, eventhough I had never met my husband's uncle, I still went to the wake/funeral. I had all my Saturday planned, shopping, massage, and hockey game at night, but instead I went to the wake/funeral. Eventhough, I was pretty disappointed I had to change my plans, I felt pretty good afterwards, my husband was glad I was there to support him and his father.
2007-01-10 07:10:41 · answer #9 · answered by natdufour4030 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dad died in Dec. 05 and I had plans for an outting, it hurt to lose someone in the family but there was a healing with family and those who knew the man.The outting was not on my mind
during that time
I am glad I went and you might make a differance to someone who needs the support while you are there.
Sorry there was a death in the family,
2007-01-10 07:35:16 · answer #10 · answered by stbill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋