I'm not sure if I'll ever get over it. He was younger than I was at the time, (17 years old when she was in her forties) and now sometimes I feel like I don't treat my mother as good as I should. I know that now she would and does do everything she can for me, but I think the damage may be irrepairable. This was about 5 years ago now, and I've gotten panic attacks on and off since then. I know its an awkward situation and it tore my family apart. What would you do?
2007-01-10 06:54:37 · 21 answers · asked by vix9 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that in order for you to “get over it” you need to try to sympathize with what you Mom may have been going through at the time.
I am almost sure that they reason she got involved on that situation is because she needed attention, physical and emotional reassurance. I think that she would not purposely choose to have a relationship with that person if she was receiving the same attention from an older man or from your father.
I believe that what you should do is try to put yourself in her shoes as a woman and try to see the world through her eyes so that you are able to form a fair judgment.
I also believe that she never intended for that situation to turn out the way it did and that she regrets and hurts for you and the rest of your family. She may have made mistakes with her personal life, but as long as she didn’t purposely hurt you or disrespected you, there is no reason for you not to love and respect her as your mother.
As humans we all make mistakes, some are worse than others, but we all do and we all have the right to vindicate ourselves. She already has her conscience to torture her and does not need you or anyone else to make it worse….so with this said if you are free of all sins then continue throwing the stones…..but if you are not then be forgiving of the person who you owe most to on this world
And ……..
Don’t complain when the same gets done to you.
2007-01-10 08:12:21 · answer #1 · answered by DEE 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is so sad. I feel for all of you, however, as a women/mother, I feel more for her. Something happen to your mom, she's human, for whatever, reason she fell for a younger man, yes, 17 is young, but over the years, I had to experience this for my self, age doesn't always represent maturity, she had an affair, and everyone found out about it, and you guys were hurt. (Had she kept this information secretive, she would still have the love and respect, that she deserves, I am sure from you and the rest of the family. But, it was wide open. Please for the sake of God, let it go, stop throwing this issue in this woman's face, Let it go away, Haven't you all suffered enough. "What have you done in your past, that can come up later, and affect everyone? Would not you want your "love ones" to forgive and forget it? More importantly, as a young lady, who knows what will happen when you reach your forties, and your hormones began to change, people start to treat you different because your aging. "We just do not know these things." But we pray to God, whatever happens, people with let it go, and forgive at some point........................................
2007-01-10 15:07:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What would I do? I would get over it, frankly. It was a long time ago, and it wasn't any of your business. It's your mother's life, and she can make whatever choices she chooses.
EDIT:
My family also suffered similiarly (although the age of the other person wasn't an issue). I don't resent either of my parents. Cheating is never just one person's fault...it comes as result of problems in a marriage that are both persons' faults.
Life is not about making the right choices all the time. It's about loving, learning, growing, and forgiving. Your mother broke her marriage promise to your father. She betrayed your father. She didn't make any promises to you. Sure it was selfish of her. But people make mistakes. And it'd be selfish of you to think that every decision another person makes should revolve around you. Parents do not give up their right to live when they have kids.
2007-01-10 14:57:51 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People are just people you know? Your mom made a mistake in your eyes, and you can't help the way it has made you feel. There's no answer here whether you will get over it or not? All you can do is try not to dwell on it and let it bring you down. Have you talked to her about how it's made you feel? Maybe that would help you? Other than that piece of advice...time does heal....I know that's corny, but it's true!
2007-01-10 15:01:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Isn't that statutory rape? You should go to counseling. Since you have not gotten over it, the anger and resentment you feel towards your mom is only going to grow and hurt your ability to trust her again. Talk to a professional so that you can sort out your feelings and decide from there. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and good luck.
2007-01-10 15:02:46 · answer #5 · answered by Sherbert 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I find it hard to respect my mother. She began a 3 year affair with a coworker. A year after that ended, she had another one. My father and her divorced...
Look, why should we treat people who act selfishly and ruin families beautifully, like nothing happened? I'm sorry, I am civil and I love my mother, but it has permanently damaged my image of her. How can I respect someone who did that not just to my father, but to all of us?
Unfortunately, this is way too common. This was nearly 20 years ago for me, but it still sucks. Be civil, but I for one think it's OK if you are never on perfect terms with your mother.
2007-01-10 15:00:27 · answer #6 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, you need to realize that even though your Mother made a terrible error in judgement, she is human and perhaps at that time she was in pain and needed to feel comfort of love - no matter where it came from. I am not excusing how she hurt your family, but note that she hurt herself more when she made this error. Try to understand why she did it, even though you do not agree that it was right.
Then in order for you to stop feeling that way, you need to forgive her and let her know face to face that you have forgiven her for hurting you and hurting your family. Believe me, if you feel horrible about it, she mostly probably feels a million times worse, though she may not tell you how she feels.
Forgive her and try to heal by really getting to know her again. Getting to know how she feels about things and life and about your relationship with him. Remember that love covers a multitude of sin.
2007-01-10 15:01:48 · answer #7 · answered by fancyface1 l 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Everybody makes mistakes, she is a human being after all, God forgives all the sins why can't you?
Get over it, try to understand that she had her needs and she must have been unhappy or passing through rough times, try to forget it, don't lose your mom.
2007-01-10 15:00:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to mind your own business and get on with your own life. Who has "panic attacks" over their mom nailing some kid? You just want attention.
If I were you I would go see a shrink because your problems run deeper than your mother's sex life.
2007-01-10 15:05:16 · answer #9 · answered by Joe 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If it was a guy in his 40's dating a 17 year old girl, he would be in prison!
2007-01-10 14:58:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋