Why am I so insecure?

Question

Today I picked my husband up on his lunch break and I saw one of his co-workers. She is cute and pretty. Now I am upset because I am afraid that he might like her secretly. Am I being insecure or should I have something to worry about? Everytime I see a beautiful woman that my husband works with I get very jealous. I sometimes accuse him of cheating and he tells me that he would never do that do me and that he loves me with all his heart and he married me because I am all the woman he will ever need. Why is it hard for me to trust what he says? Is it because in the past, in a previous relationship I was not true to the one I was with? Now I fear of losing him to a woman better than me. How do I overcome my insecurities with out ppl telling me to get theropy or some kind of help?

My husband and I are both really jealous. Is this also normal?

Answer 1

Boy, there were some really good answers for this one, but I'll do my best! It's very true that mistrustful people project their own guilt on to other people. You were dishonest in the past so you have a hard time trusting because you worry that everybody is secretly this way, and if they aren't you feel extra guilty and perhaps unworthy. Your mutual jealousy isn't a very good sign either. Jealousy is actually a form of mistrust blended with insecurity and possessiveness, so maybe you aren't the only one with a problem. Anyway, these are unattractive emotions in anyone and you're bound to doom your relationship if you allow them to rule your behavior. If you won't see a therapist, try to forgive yourself. Put your past indiscretion where it belongs - in the past. People can change. You sound remorseful about your infidelity and that's a good sign because is means you have a conscience. You recognize that what you did was wrong so don't repeat the mistake. Give yourself a break. You're human. It doesn't mean you don't deserve his love. Try to pursue your own activities outside of your relationship that give you a sense of worth and accomplishment. The more confident you feel about your own life, the more attractive you will be to your husband. I apologize for my lengthy response but I hope it helps in some way.

Answer 2

Jealousy like this can be very toxic to a relationship. In fact, I fully believe that a jealous partner can actually drive the significant other away--even to another person. Honestly, though, I get those same feelings when I meet or see an attractive co-worker who works with my husband. I never accuse him of cheating, though. I do tell him about my feelings, but I never put him on the defensive. I tell him, and he makes me feel better. The good thing is that I am confident that my husband would never, ever cheat on me. He wouldn't even flirt. But it still doesn't help my little insecurities sometimes. You cannot let this get out of control. Communication is the most important thing in this type of situation. Tell him how you feel without accusing him of anything.You should be able to judge from his reaction whether or not is is faithful. And by the way, he probably is. So stop feeling so jealous.

Answer 3

Your mentioning of the past can clue us into why you don't trust him with other women; you know of your infidelity so you assume he is unfaithful too. That's really not the point right now. Your insecurity is.

I believe the reason you may feel so insecure is because you can't see in yourself why anyone would want you. Before you look for happiness in someone else, you MUST find it in yourself. Take yourself out to a movie alone. You time. You have to love being with you. The reason you fear every beautiful woman that crosses your husband, or crosses you, is because you can't find the beauty in yourself. It won't be easy, trust me but you have to. Surely there will be a couple of times when you cross another beautiful woman and even though you're content with yourself, it will scratch at your ego; but it will go away. Why? Because you'll remember that you're a great woman and anyone would be lucky too have you.

Take care and Be Faithful ;-),
Asia

Answer 4

Aha! It came out in the end. You are projecting your past faults onto him. That is not fair at all.

Look, I know this sounds overly simple, but you just have to get over it. What other choice is there?

Just because the woman is better looking doesn't mean she's better. Come on - we all know you're going to see guys more attractive then your husband. It's what you DO about it that matters. Unless he's given you a reason to believe he's done something wrong, you have to trust him. If not, this will eventually ruin your marriage. You are assauging your own guilt of past cheating by accusing him of it - him being true makes you feel bad.

Answer 5

The only way you are going to loose your husband is because of your insecurities--not because of that pretty woman at work--he married you! Never accuse him of cheating because you may be jealous-that will only push him to cheating-have some confidence in yourself! If you show him that you are insecure he will loose respect for you! Love yourself--and then you could be loved by him--without any worries--also I suggest you read the book "why men love bitches" it is great and it will help you through stuff like this--it is about 15 bucks at borders or you could buy it used online for cheaper--good luck

Answer 6

If you can't look inside yourself and reflect and figure out what's going on with your insecurities, and if your husband is showing no signs that he might be cheating, the only way to overcome this is with counseling. If you don't change this, you will wind up destroying your marriage. Trust is a neccessary component, as is honesty and communication. Therapy isn't so bad. You might have to go through a couple therapists to find one you click with, but in the long run, it will benefit you if you allow it to.

Answer 7

I feel the same way too! and I did cheat in my past so your question I can relate to 100%

I believe because we cheated in our past its on our minds that what goes around comes around so we think its going to happen to us. Being insecure could mean that we could have observe little signs - working late, cutting conversations short on the phone etc and then seeing his co-worker it alls adds up! We get ideas in our heads.

Trust him 99% give him the benefit of the doubt (try hard at it) but leave room ( 1%) for your insecurities

Answer 8

your like this because you have a guilty conscious!!! since you cheated on your last now you think its going to happen to you... your insecure because you know you did wrong in your last relationship. remember KARMA.. you messed up before and it comes back to you 3 times worst I'm not saying that your husband is going to cheat but karma hits you where it hurts really bad!!! if you don't love yourself your always going to stay insecure and this problem is going to get worst.. you can get really sick or get depressed... just pray to god and ask him to forgive you for what you did in your past relationship..
And remember when you start loving yourself is the day when you stop thinking about all of this nonsense

Answer 9

You have got to learn to trust your husband or if you continue to accuse him of cheating he might just start thinking he's going to be blamed either way. I'm sure he sounds sincere by what he told you so only you can have faith he's telling you the truth. He obviously married you for a reason so remember that. ;o)

Answer 10

is your husband giving you any reason to be jealous?dont ruin a good thing because of jealousy.everyone has a past and yeah you might have goofed with the last person you were with but why should that make your husband the bad guy?if you love him then you gotta believe him when he says hes not cheating.if you think with out a doubt he is,then you need to move on and find someone else.