My husband and I have been having problems for some time now. We don't share a bedroom, no sex, he ignores me alot, etc. On his lunch break today, he told me he loves me and asked if I still love him. I said yes (I do). He said that it seems I usually more upset with him then happy with him. I told him I just want to feel loved. He then asked, well, if we both want to feel loved who's going to take the first step? I pointed at him.
What should be my next step? Should I really let him take the first step or should I plan something too? I don't want to let an opportunity pass by. It's not often that he notices anything other than himself and his computer game, so to get an ounce of attention is a big step. What should I do?
2007-01-10 06:23:11 · 9 answers · asked by Wendy B 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
But he's already taken the fist step. At least he came to you.(Hell my husband would NEVER do that. Because he never feels at fault you know one of those men that thinks It's rude for a person to talk about what makes the other person unhappy, so he tends to ignore the problem and thinks it will go away)
So I am telling you if your man can ACTUALLY come to you and tell you he loves you and actually TELL YOU how he feels. He's pretty much already there. You need to do this TOGETHER!
Marriage is a JOINT thing. You need to communicate more and fight less!
Tell him what makes you feel loved.
You seem to have a good man, take care of each other and good luck!
2007-01-10 07:06:13 · answer #1 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the man is at home playing his computer game, so what about it? This gives you time to do some of the things you need to do. Do your nails, exercise, bake some cookies. Stop complaining and be glad he's at home and not out chasing some other woman. Your marriage will never last if you continue to play these games.
The man made the first move on his lunch break, so who are you to "let" him do anything? Stop trying to control your husband and act like a loving wife. Otherwise, you are going to end up alone.
2007-01-10 14:47:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely make the first move! And the second... You should both ask what attracted you to each other in the beginning of your relationship. Life can get so busy and we let it distract us from enjoying and appreciating the relationships that can bring us the greatest joy. Go out and "replay" your first date or the date where it clicked for both of you.
Another thing to be aware of is that everone wants to feel loved, but how we most feel loved differs greatly. For some it is physical touch, for others it is kind words, some just like to spend time together or have meaningful conversation, still others like to receive gifts or love notes.
Often we give love in the ways we want to receive it, but that does not often match the way others want to feel loved. You think you are showing them love, but it doesn't connect for them. Kinda tricky, but with a little effort it can bring incredible fulfillment and happiness into relationships.
Find out how he feels loved and try to figure out ways to express love to him in those ways. Let him know how you feel loved and let him know when he succeeds. Give it all you have and watch your relationship sizzle!
2007-01-10 14:44:20 · answer #3 · answered by Roger & Wendy D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop thinking of it in terms of "my move", "his move", "I did this", "they did that". Just start doing things nice for him. Love isn't about what we get, but about what we give. If you try to keep score you both will just lose. Try and see the things he does as acts of love (though he may be doing badly its still an act of love). Love isn't making things perfect for someone else its making the effort. I once planned a Valentine Day scavenger hunt and it rained HARD that day. The whole thing fell apart, but I tried. Its when we stop seeing our spouse's actions as actions of love is when we stop feeling loved. Look for it and you just might find out that he loves you more than you thought.
2007-01-10 15:06:22 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you still love him and you want things to work. Go ahead and make the first move, you have nothing to lose.
2007-01-10 14:34:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kinda sounds like he made the first step in saying he loves you and asking if you love him. I would go for it.
Of course, you can always ask yourself if your pride is worth more than your marriage.
2007-01-10 14:26:44 · answer #6 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you sincerely care about your husband, make the first move - do what it takes - find a way to make your relationship work.
2007-01-10 14:39:16 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I definitely agree with "you asked" He did make the first step...the ball is in your court...make that move if you don't want to lose him!
2007-01-10 14:30:38 · answer #8 · answered by pamomof4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to your corner and pout. You both need help.
2007-01-10 14:29:29 · answer #9 · answered by rastus7742 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋