Does marriage scare you?

Question

I can't be the only one. My bf can't wait to get married and have kids, but Im terrified of the idea. The word even makes me cringe a little...and I call it the "m-word". Why do people want to get married when over half of ALL marriage end in divorce...a usually very painful and messy divorce. I wouldnt mind it so much if he wouldn't make such a big I think...but it still seems like a waste of money and time...

Answer 1

NO. I have been married and divorced. I look forward to that comfortable state again. If you are afraid of marriage then you are definitely not ready to do it. If you are really in love with someone, marriage is delightful and fulfilling, calming and amazingly close. If not............

It takes special commitment to have a successful marriage. It takes two people who are not the least bit selfish and who are willing to put the other first always. It takes courage and faith to put your life and happiness (and that of children) in the hands of another.

The reasons that people get married are why there are so many divorces. They get married because they're "supposed to", because they're bored, they need someone to be with, they're afraid to be alone, they want children, it's easy to do, they want easy sex, they want a maid, they want financial security, etc..

If you're clear on the fact that you want to be with the person through all that life throws at you and you aren't constantly looking for a better deal - AND if you KNOW that they feel that way too, then marriage is for you. The problem is that when things get a little sticky or they get "unhappy" people bail out by having affairs or getting a divorce. Some people are always on the lookout for "more" and they feel entitled to it if their partner doesn't make them "happy".

I am just so grateful for having met the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with (married or not). It's truly such a rare and beautiful thing. I had a very painful 18-year marriage and I know a good thing when I have it. Sure there will be rough patches and he may die before me (16-year age difference), but you know what? Every single day I thank God for letting me have another day to show him how much I love him and I thank God for trusting me enough to care for this marvelous man. I know that I'm blessed.

Answer 2

No, I was never scared of marriage... Married for the third time, in fact. So what if half the marriages end in divorce? Half don't! So, I'm just trying to make the best choices I can, and hope it comes out well in the end. There are lots and lots of auto accidents that happen every day; should I pawn my car and never drive again? It would be ridiculous. I accept the fact that I *might* get in an accident every day I get behind the wheel... But I still drive, because it is part of being functional.

Answer 3

Yes and No. I understand your anxiety / and confusion. Most families, these days, don't represent the 'poster boy" image of what you what for the rest of your life, especially broken homes. Some families that are broken, though, go on to find their life mate, (notice I did NOT say True Love or Soul Mate, for those are very rare) and are very happy (and their children are sometimes far better off). NO child should grow up where anger and battle are the norm. What legacy are we passing down to our children then?
The fairy tale, which to answer your question, is why people get married. For love (that changes, grows, and fades and / or dies). Mostly, though, the ones who think it through, choose marriage because it provides security, companionship and the general sense that you do NOT have to face this world and it's trials alone. That the burdens, are NOT all yours to bare, and the knowledge that, at the end of the day, there is someone who gives a damn.
Honey, you are not ready.

Answer 4

i can totally relate. marriage scares me too and i dont know exactly why. were you parents divorced? that could have something to do with it. i've been with my fiance now for 6 years and we've been engaged for almost 3 years. i love him and i live with him. we share everything just like we're married already but the thought of actually getting married still scares me for some reason. i think its normal for some people to feel that way, especially since so many marriages do end in divorce. as far as the money and time go though, if and when you would be ready, you could have a simple wedding and keep the cost to a minimum. my fiance wants kids now too and im scared of that too. i always say that i could just never "plan" to get pregnant. but the way things are going lately i can just see that one right around the corner.

Answer 5

Yes marriage scares me. When I think of marriage I think 'Can I spend the rest of my life with this person? Is he the last guy I am going to have sex with? Can I stand to wake up every morning beside him? Wonder if he gains 50 lbs after the marriage? Wonder if he changes? Are our kids going to be cute?" The list goes on and on. I guess what it all comes down to is if you truly love this person, then you shouldn't be scared right?

Maybe this will help you out.

I am 21. And I live with my boyfriend. We have talked about it, but never so much. I tell him that I want to get married when I am 24 or 25, just so I know how life will be with him and if I can stand not to be with him. Then I want to be married for atleast 3-4 years without having kids. Just so I know if I want to risk everything to be with him, etc. Becasue its harder to get a divorce with their are children involved.

But seriously, if you are truly madly 100% take a bullet for him kind of love, then by all means go for it girl. What do got to lose? A few hundred dollars??

Answer 6

Marriage can be scary. But trust me I know marriages can be successful and fun!

1st ask yourself, can I live with my boyfriend's most annoying habits for the rest of my life?

If you say, "He doens't have any annoying habits" Then dont' get married, you dont' know him.

If you say Yes. Then that is a first step.

The reason so many people are getting divorces is becasue they never do intend to enter marriage for life. People need to realize that marriage is not about "feeling in love" True lasting LOVE, is a commitment to LOVE that person by the choices you make even when you don't FEEL like it.

If you can make that level of commitment and he can make the same back to you. There is not reason why your marriage won't be a success.

Also I would suggest seeking God and putting Him first in your relationship. Also seek premartial counseling. This will help with potential fears and also teach you how to communicate and understand each other better.

You don't have to have "problems" to have counseling.

Answer 7

Yes, I had what they called a "starter marriage" when I was 20. I got divorced at 24 and am 30 now. I have nooooo desire to get married even though I have been in a relationship for 5 years now. I would be just fine shacking up with my guy and never getting married again thank you very much.

Answer 8

Yes it does. I have been married twice and I am only 30 years old. My last divorce was final June of 2006. I haven't even talked to another guy since my last divorce. I have 2 small children. It always goes through my mind... If and when I start dating again do I want to get married again. It is very scary. I don't want to marry someone who will not treat my children as their own nor do I want to pull men in and out of my life because it will only confuse my kids.

Answer 9

I was a little nervous about getting married but I knew I had found the right person for me so that made it easy. Also, I didn't marry at too young of an age because I was definitely in NO rush! I was 30 when I married for the first and only time and am happy now.

Answer 10

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am a little afraid of marriage myself for many reasons, with divorce being the main one. I think it's a good thing that we are afraid of marriage, because when the time comes and we do decide to get married, we will be sure that we are making the right decision and getting married for the right reasons.