advice please (serious answers only) having problems with my fiance?

Question

we have 6 years together, 4 boys! I work and he stays home with the kids. almost everyday his friends come over to hang out. i get realy annoyed with this but 2 times recently he has left the house with his friends and went to their house for hours to hang out. now that is a problem because i work all day to come home and be with my family. he tells me hell be right back and doesnt come back for hours knowing how stressfull it is with 4 children (3 under 3 years old!) he says he has to get out of the house too, i dont get to hang ou at all i go to work and come home, he views it as i get to go out! so i know he needs his sanity break but just leaving and telling me nothing or just sayiing ill be right back is not right. i know he definatly is not cheating, but these incidents have caused me to loose it and flip out on him makes me want to leave him. we recently moved into a home that we rent for alot of money plus all the bils, i handle all that and it is hard very srtessfull. advice?

Answer 1

i think you two need to sit down and talk your problems out. Obviously being a stay at home father is just as important of a job as yours. I think you both need your alone time still respecting each others jobs. I think it is important for you also to both get away together. Since he insists that working is a "getaway" then he needs to get a job for a while and you stay at home. Maybe you two should switch roles for a bit. Or if you can, work it out to were you have a babysitter or nanny during the day and you both have jobs in the work industry. Maybe what is happening is that he feels awkward or less of a man since the "mommy" role has been switched around. Best of Luck.

Answer 2

Welcome to reality. You do what a guy usually does --- goes to work all day, then comes home to a wife and the kids. He's got the reverse role, and in his place, I'd sure as hell want outa there with that many children that I was babysitting all day... yikes.

Many relationships fail under the pressure of 4!!!!!!!! children under 6 years old. Raising children, keeping your household together, paying bills, etc. is very very very stressful, but it is not entirely his fault... for what ever reason, you have complicated your lives with so many children.....that you both are really unprepared to raise in a way that is at least not taxing ...... It will be years before you two will again get to know each other. Divorce really isn't the answer, nor is separation. In your place, I'd be seeking some help from a professional on time management, but, having all those kids all so young, would stress even the strongest bond. I don't have an answer, hon, except to seek ways to get back some control of your life, your time, and your relationship, with some professional help.

Answer 3

Why doesn't he get a job? I do agree though, that having 4 boys is alot of work. Does he clean the house, bathe them, get them ready for headstart? Does he cook the dinner and make sure the clothes are washed? If not, he should be doing this seeinga as how you are paying the bills. It is like a role reversal. Tell him to either get a job and help out or you can always tell him to hit the road, at which point you will have to hire a babysitter which would be another expense...but, you can always slap him with child support. It is something you need to give some serious consideration to. Only you know the best answer to your question.

Answer 4

Hey, same rules apply to stay at home dads as do to stay at home moms: they need "time alone"! Please respect this. The reason why he may tell you he will be "right back" is because he knows you're going to chew him out if he is honest, and tells you he needs a break. You get to "hang out" at work - it is a change of scenery for you; he "hangs out" with his friends - a change of scenery for him. You may want to sit down together and come up with some "rules and limitations" both of you can live with - like, if he leaves the house every day when you get home, and doesn't get back til late that night, it's ridiculous, and you certainly should address it; but a "night out" every once in a while should be acceptable. (Just a rethorical question on my part - why in the world would anyone have 4 kids as fast as they can possibly produce them?? I'd THINK it would be stressful enough with just one or two spaced out? I hope you're using birth control at the moment - otherwise, your stress level is only going to go up!)

Answer 5

Honey, he's going to have to get a job. I'm sure with 4 kids you can get a break on child care but he needs to get out there and understand the stress u go through. Not only that but what type of example is he being to your boys? u want them to think it's ok to sit at home and have their woman bring home the bacon? It's just going to cause drama in their future relationships. As their mother u shouldn't allow that. Also how long do you think u will want a man happy at home? U need someone with the same goal in life u have. Believe me marriage is not goin to make him instantly grow up if fatherhood hasn't. Good luck to you and I hope you can talk to your Man about this. Communication is key.

Answer 6

Try family counseling and also talk with him about his plans in bringing the bacon home along with you. Just take care to see that you do not nag him in the process. Do you have an Employee assistance program at work? They will have wonderful counselors who help people out. Do you have anyone who is a senior and retired who would not mind baby sitting for a couple of hours for a nominal fee? Just check out these options. I absolutely understanding what you both are going through. You seem to be a very nice couple..so please do work out some strategy that will keep both of you happy and there is a win win situation. I am sure you can work it out..you seem very determined. Good luck dear !

Answer 7

I think you knew what he doing the day you met until now (6 Years) together is sure is a long time. I think you didn't even bother you until later you starting to have 4 boys and you knew what you getting to.. I am not blaming you or anything but face it you knew what kind of man he is.

I do hope you can stand up and tell him how you feel and tell him that if he don't shape up i am leaving him and i will not sit here myself working my butt off and come home but you know ... I work and my wife works and it sure helps alot smiling... see what happen when you talk to him about it.

Answer 8

doesn't sound as if he is too mature a person, as we expect out mates to behave as if we were the priority and when we feel we aren't that's where the hurt comes in, and we get resentful. maybe counseling would help, maybe he needs to get a job, so he would be ready to come home at night and rest. maybe he just has too much time on his hands. he needs a job. than he wouldn't have all that time to go run with these other immature men. he is still a little boy, and not yet a man. his priorities are all mixed up, if he doesn't change, perhaps he may not be marriage material.

Answer 9

Let him know how bad this is stressing you out and suggest he go out like a normal healthy man and start bringing home the extra income to raise the kids. When he see's your being sure about your decision, he just may see your right.

It's true he needs his time away from his job, but you do too. So, get the girls together for a ladies night out and call and say you'll be home late. What's fair for the goose is just as fair for the gander.

Answer 10

You guys need to sit down calmly and discuss this. Being home with 4 kids isn't easy but he needs to be respectful of the fact that you work all day and you would like some time to unwind and share some quality time with him. Can he work all day and you stay home?