ok, my daughter has been married for 6 years and has a 3 year old little boy, she wants a divorce from her husband who has been deployed for a year, who is a good person and good father. she wants to be free and do the things single people do, since she got married so young. she says she dosent love her husband anymore. she has no job, car, or money and i try to talk sence into her . she needs to go to counseling for her babys sake and her own, but she wont. she says i dont support her decisions, but i do. i may not agree with them but it is her life. i guess she wants me to say " go and be young and single, even if it hurts your child, and life". . i worry about the baby and her future on their own. she thinks it will all be so easy. i think she met another man. how can i be supportive even if i dont agree with what she is doing? i didnt raise her to be this way, and i always thought i set a good example for her.
2007-01-10 05:30:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Fortunately you can only do your best to raise your children in hopes that they follow your advice and direction. Then....there are those who have to learn the hard way. The best you can do is continue to love her even though you don't support her decision because it is her decision. Allow the lessons of life to guide her back to you.
2007-01-10 05:37:39 · answer #1 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all this is common with young military wives. They don't have the maturity to look ahead. Of course the best thing is for her to have friends who are also military wives. Alternativly there are many websites dealing with this and as a military wife there are many programs available. But it doesn't sound as if she is going to be receptive of this.
You can talk until you are blue in the face so now is the time for tough love. Right now she gets money, healthcare etc. while he is gone. You just need to make it clear that age is no excuse and she has a responsibility. You will not babysit, you will not be there to bail her out when she screws up, etc. Thats it....... silence and refusing to get drawn in goes a lot farther than endless talking.
If she has met someone she is messing around with the sort that will mess around with a married woman. When your daughter no longer has a babysitter so she can go out, realizes that she has screwed up and then starts asking this guy for help.... he will disappear in a heartbeat.
It will be hard as a mother but it is for the best.
2007-01-10 05:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband just retired from the military a few years ago we've been together from the beginning. It's truly a hard life, and it takes a strong woman to fill the shoes of a military wife. Who's going to take care of this child when she's running around being single? Hopefully not you. Has she even told her husband about her decision? I think that he has enough on his plate protecting our Country he doesn't need his mind to be bogged down with her selfishness. I would let her live her life and when she falls on her face and sees that the grass isn't always greener on the other side she will have to live with her decision. God Bless her husband and may he be safe in his travels.
2007-01-10 05:39:08 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, some people have to learn the hard way. As parents, we don't want to see our children making decisions we know are only going to harm them, but sometimes we need to let go and let them learn. I'm not saying to completely ignore your daughter and forget she exists, but let her go. If you have already talked to her and advised her and she's not hearing you, then let her be. Sounds like she's going to do whatever she wants to do just because she wants too. Hopefully when it comes to making the decision, she will make the right one. But if not, then all you can do is be there for her and your grandchild. As long as the baby is not in a harmful situation, then I would just let her be and pray that she makes the right decisions. Good luck!
2007-01-10 05:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can lead by example but that doesn't necessarily mean she will follow. Let her learn from her own mistakes. Sounds like she need reassurance that what she is about to do is acceptable. Tell her you support her but remind her that there are consequences. I agree with you...her decision is not well thought out and unfortunately she will be the one who suffers in the end. However, she will have to take the fall and learn from it. She is grown, she can handle it.
2007-01-10 05:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by Petra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess what grand mother. you are going to be a baby sitter.
She's going to go regardless of what anyone things and it's a shame to treat her hubby like that especially when he is fighting for her and their child and you.
Hopefully they'll give thje father custody and maybe you can babysit until he gets home.
Don't blame her she nmarried in lust not love and is an average young woman who jumped into a marriage too soon.
Children grow up to know they made a mistake and apparently she has made one.
2007-01-10 05:36:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to love someone who isn't there for you. If you can talk her into waiting for the day he returns, maybe him being around will bring her feelings back. And Ask her is she putting the baby's needs first..I was 28 years old when my mother asked me that question when I realized that I could kick myself in the butt.Its not one of those you made your bed speech.Just tell her you support her but Its not all about her anymore.. I wish you all the best.. You will do wonderful..
2007-01-10 05:43:01 · answer #7 · answered by ksk_05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep doing what your doing, you sound like a very loving and supportive mother, and I don't blame you for not wanting her to get hurt and disapointed, and especially as a grandmother, you want what's best for your grandbaby. I commend you for wanting your grandson to be happy and not in danger of getting hurt.
It also sounds to me like she's only thinking about what she wants and isn't thinking at all about her husband or her son. From the sounds of it, she's wanting to be able to go out and have a life of her own, and sounds like she feels burdened by her son and the fact that her husband isn't there being that he's overseas.
I think she needs to think of her husband and son way before she thinks of herself. Especially think about what divorcing her husband would do to him, since he's not around right now.
2007-01-10 05:38:53 · answer #8 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will always be her mom, but if you disagree with what she is doing (personally, I disagree strongly with what she is doing), the explain to her that you can not and will not help her pursue this avenue.
Her husband is abroad fighting for our country and she's stepping out on him. I've seen it many times and it makes me so angry!
She needs to talk to some other military wives. Maybe then she will realize what she's doing is wrong.
Best of luck mom!!
2007-01-10 05:35:49 · answer #9 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's her life, and she is an adult. Even tho you are her mom, you can only give advise when asked, otherwise you are intruding. She has lots to learn, and she will learn it, sometimes the hard way.....
2007-01-10 05:50:38 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋