Swinging Lifestyle?

Question

What would be the best way to convince your husband (18 years) that you wanted to participate or join a swinger's club? Keeping in mind that neither husband nor wife has ever had sex with anyone but each other. The reason? Curiosity as to what it would be like to be with someone else.

Answer 1

First some myths disspelled:
MYTH #1
Sadly if you do this your marriage will be over so get ready for a divorce.
FALSE. Married 12 + years, involved in the lifestyle in some capacity for the last 5. Absolutely happy and in love. No problem.

MYTH #2
Once you go over that line there is no turning back.
FALSE. We've actually been monogamous for the past 3 years due to life circumstances (jobs, kids, etc.) with no problems. We're still very much 'swingers at heart' though and we're looking forward to getting back into it.

MYTH #3
You will become jealous of what he did with someone else as will he about you.
FALSE. It was remarkably natural for us. I initially had some serious jealousy issues, but it was due to insecurity and a lack of communication. Cleared right up and one of the BEST side effects of swinging is the complete and utter LACK of jealousy! Imagine never having that fear needling at your mind! Very liberating.

MYTH #4
You will start fighting all the time about what you did.
(Mostly) FALSE. Inevitibly you make mistakes and someone does get hurt. It's part of the learning process. Once you understand that and are prepared for that eventuality, it makes it much easier to forgive, learn, and move on. It requires flexibility, self-confidence, self-knowledge, patience, and the ability to not take things personally but be objective. Don't try it if you can't separate emotion from your decision making process.

Overall, you don't start fighting, you start talking and consequently LEARNING things about one another that you had never imagined.


Some good suggestions here, including bringing it up over coffee/dinner (it needs to be discussed soberly and calmly like this sooner or later anyway...otherwise it can't be taken seriously) and bringing it up as 'pillow talk' some night after watching a few group-type scenes in porn. Just bear in mind that the real thing does NOT resemble porn. It's real people with real lives and feelings and relationships having sex together.

There is no "convincing" anyone. It's absolutely unethical and counterproductive to pressure, coerce or force anyone to try swinging! You simply need to bring it up, offer the resources to find out more about it (see link below), and leave yourself wide open to answer ANY questions that your mate has with 110% honesty. Plant the seed. Let them know how and why it interests you, and understand that it's completely normal for your partner to suddenly feel insecure and wonder what is wrong with him, that you would want to have sex with someone else. Do NOT brush their feelings off or trivialize them! This is the beginning of the trust building process in the swinging relationship. This is where you show him that you are being completely up front and honest, you are hiding nothing, and you are inviting him to trust you. Let him know - and SHOW him - that you care about him, about his feelings, and that HE is your #1 priority. This is just an idea you had, and if he doesn't want to try it, then that's totally fine with you. It was just a curiosity and it makes no difference to you.

Please check out the FAQ and New Swinger forums in the message board below. It's is an amazing resource!

Answer 2

You don't "convince" your partner to swing. You simply express your thoughts about it and see if they are on the same page.

For my wife and I we has talked in the past about "what if" situations. Like after some neighbors would go home after a night of drinking and socializing and there was definite sexual tension in the air. We would talk about the "what if this ever happened?" stuff. Eventually the opportunity presented itself with others we met, and by that time we had fantasized and talked about it long enough that we were sure we wanted to try it. We've been having a great time ever since. Not just the sex, but the social aspect of it. We always have stuff to do and parties to go to now. And the best part is they are all people that think like us.

For some good information on this, check-out The Swingers Board FAQ and the forums.

Answer 3

In swinging, couple would desire to make rules that they persist with. the guidelines shouldn't in any respect get replaced interior the warmth of the 2d, in simple terms while they on my own and removed from the swinging atmosphere. This couple appears like they the two did not have any rules, or the guidelines have been left open ended. that's the fault of the two. there is often slightly a learning curve for noobs interior the existence form. The extra matured couple would desire to have shown the barriers. What occurred isn't the character of the swinging existence form.

Answer 4

My Wife and I have watched "Swinger" type porn Movies. There are plenty of them at the rental place. It would be a good way to break the ice with your husband. You never know, he might be thinking the same thing.

Answer 5

I'm not sure that convinceing is the right way to go about it. It's more like "talking and discussing" it.

Let him know how your feeling about the thoughts of wanting to know what it's like to be with another.

In the swinging lifestyle you have to make sure your mind is well and ok to do this to your marriage. You may find that once you get to experience another one, it may turn you completely off and your hubby may find he enjoyed it alot! So, that is one thing you really have to think about. It's not fair to ask this of a marriage, try it and only you not like it. or vise versa.
It could lead to marriage problems.

Answer 6

Sadly if you do this your marriage will be over so get ready for a divorce. Once you go over that line there is no turning back. You will become jealous of what he did with someone else as will he about you. You will start fighting all the time about what you did. I guess if your ready for an 18 year marriage to end in divorce then convince away dear otherwise forget about it and leave it as a fantasy.

Answer 7

Dear swinger. I suggest trying it alone first and see how you like it. If it isn't your thing than don't hurt him. keep it quiet.
If you tell him and he doesn't got for it he'll never trust you again.

Sometimes silence is the best answer. Until you get all of the facts anyway.

Besides if yuo join a club alone you and meet someone it could be your husband. Think of all o fthe possibilities.

personally I would join aaaaan online club where the object is strickly sex. nothing else. something like adultfriendfinders.com, and invest in extra sex out side of your area(50 miles or more) until you are sure.

Answer 8

It will probably ruin your marriage. But the other option would be to go out of town and let him pick you another guy and vice versa. Go to a motel and do it. If you just had to have to be porked by a stranger. May as well do the threesome thing since your putting your marriage on the line.

Best thing probably would be for you and yours to excite your love life with toys or something other than sex outside the marriage. Just isn't worth it to me.

Answer 9

I think this is a pandoras box of dread waiting to happen.
It would tell him you arent satisfied with him.
Then there is the whole trust issue thing.
I wouldn't want to share my possessions let alone a family member with strangers.
Curiosity killed the cat you know.

Answer 10

"Curiosity killed the cat."

... but the satisfaction brought it back.

Go for it.. just bring it up at dinnertime casually. But be prepared to be rejected and if you are, be prepared to be viewed suspiciously. Or on the other hand he may go for it. Just be prepared for anything.