Me 24/f/employed some college going back t coll. Him 21/m/unempl. Me follow rules of society, pay the bills, go to work, stay out of trouble, love your family. Him don't listen to nobody, don't work, don't pay any bills (has a lot of debt), no respect f authority, loves his family. We argue all the time cause I feel he should work, be an adult, adapt to reality of life, go to school, but he knows everything better, so he always ends up in some crazy drama (which actually occurs but no reasonable person would ever belive it) that prevents him from working. Due to that, I never recieve any gifts or aknoledgement (but I do pay all the bills wash the clothes clean the house sex) I cry a lot cause I want him to help he says I am weak cause I cry all the time & stress him out, I should be strong When I have my strong moments & I tell him to get out he scares me to death & intimidates me. I think he wants me to be like him & love his family & stop nagging, but I can't! What can I do t save us
2007-01-10 05:21:11 · 9 answers · asked by $D*Da*Spoild*1$ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I really would like to know if I can save this relationship. We are not even married but it sure feels like I am obligated to stay? Why is that? Why do I feel so responsible? All I want is to be happy in this relationship & come home & dont be frustrated...I am sad because I am clueless.
2007-01-10 05:28:08 · update #1
I often think that getting him out of my life is the only solution, but then he tells me that I am disloyal to our relationship. That I should take care of home first, & that I shouldnt go to strangers telling them about my life because that is beeing unloyal & it pisses him off thats when he feels I am a weak person! I feel like I am doing nothing right Nothing...I have no friend or family they all pretty much cut me off cause I stuck to him...now I am lonely & I don't want to send him off & be responsible fro my lonelyness & misery, blaming myself everyday you know for this not working out. I want to be sure that I did everything I had to to make this work.
2007-01-10 06:06:36 · update #2
Your not clueless at all Dee but perhaps beat down with insults and fears. This certainly sounds like a typical case of abuse and you sound like your are trying to be a Savior in this relationship (which is not going to happen). I believe that your best option would be to have him move out and end this relationship immediately. If he has been intimidating you and threatening you it may not be that easy a job to do. If he refuses and makes additional threats then you may be forced to involve the courts and police and have a restraining order placed against him so he can not contact you in any manner. If you do decide to remove him it may be necessary for you afterwards to go for some counseling, or you could go now without letting him know, for learning how to deal with abuse and get your life back on track. Then when you have your head on straight and feel ready to date again go out and find yourself a man who will treat you with the respect that everyone deserves. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-10 05:42:38 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason you feel "obligated" is because of the history, and you pretty much have taken care of him for a long period of time. It is one thing to date someone, but to live with and provide for them, you get a sense of a deeper relationship. You are pretty much at the next level, and thankfully you aren't. This is not healthy, at all. You need to do some soul searching and look down the road and ask, is this worth it? I can tell you by the sound of this guy, he isn't willing to grow up, and be a man. Personally, if he isn't part of the solution, he is part of the problem, and the solution to all of this is get rid of him, who is the problem.
2007-01-10 13:34:08 · answer #2 · answered by Light Bringer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get away any way you can. He's just using you. If he won't leave, find yourself a new place and move. Find some big strong male friends to help you out so he doesn't make trouble while you are doing it.
Wish him good luck in finding the next sucker to take care of him.
2007-01-10 13:29:13 · answer #3 · answered by John H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does not sound as though it is a healthy relationship to me. There also appears to be signs that more abuse is coming your way if you do not get him out of your life. Talk to your friends, family and co-workers to let them know what is going on and enlist their support. Do not hesitate to get professional help to straighten this out. The relationship does not sound salvageable to me.
2007-01-10 13:33:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change him, so either accept that he will always be a loser and you will always take care of him, or kick him to the curb and find someone with your morals and values.
2007-01-10 13:28:08 · answer #5 · answered by LaRae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GIVE HIM A REALLITY CHECK AND MOVE OUT!!!!!!! let him pay the bills and take care of everything else see how he likes having all that stress on him. trust me hell come cralling back to you or his mama
2007-01-10 13:28:05 · answer #6 · answered by candi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump his ***. Get out of this situation, and find someone who can carry his own weight. You deserve better than this crap.
2007-01-10 13:29:25 · answer #7 · answered by Charlie W. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want to "save us"? "Us" sounds pretty dysfunctional and unhealthy. Unfortunately it will only get worse.
2007-01-10 13:27:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him these 2 words: grow up!
2007-01-10 13:25:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jim G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋