The other night after making love my bf and I were laying there naked. He got up and slapped me so hard on butt that I have his handprint with some mild bruising on my butt cheek still today. He aplogized heavily but it is very difficult for me since my last relationship was very physically abusive. I remember the abuse started out in that relationship with play going to far. He knows of my past and I really feel that he just didn't realize his own strength- but a part of me is really scared knowing that typically that is how the abuse began in other relationships. Needless to say I was nearly speechless and left immediately. He has tried to contact me but I just don't know what to do- talk it over with him - or call things off before I get hurt again. I am madly in love with him and I know that he loves me very much but I'm just concerned as to why he hit me so hard.
2007-01-10 04:59:44 · 18 answers · asked by loveguppy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Explain your feelings to him. And tell him if it was playful it's ok, but if it happens again, he'll be gone faster than sh** through a goose!
2007-01-10 05:03:42 · answer #1 · answered by Joe S 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That's kind of scary. Do you know why he spanked you like that?
Finding out what he was thinking at the time might be useful.
Leaving an actual hand print on you indicates a a great deal of force, much more than I would ever expect from a normal spank.
The only time I've ever left a mark was during BDSM - mutual consenting adults...
If you've never done anything like that, it makes me wonder if he has a tendency towards violence. If that's the case, you need to move on - spousal abuse/domestic violence is much more common than many believe.
Talk to him about it - figure out why he did it - and go on from there.
Personally I'd be concerned...
In my dating experience any sort of non-consensual violence escalates over time... I had a gf who tended to bite, very hard, to the point of leaving marks that lasted for days (not hickeys - actual bites). Eventually she moved on to throwing things, gave me a concussion by first wacking me in the head with a boot, then bouncing my head of a tile floor.
So, be careful.
-dh
2007-01-10 15:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by delicateharmony 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys can be pretty stupid, he probably thought he was just being funny and didn't realize how hard he spanked you. My best bud and I were horsin around once and he grabbed my hand and twisted, and sprained my wrist. He didn't mean to, but the big dopes forget how strong they are sometimes. I'd go back and explain to him exactly how you felt when he did that, and make it clear you do not find that sort of thing amusing or erotic and you do not ever want him to do that again.
If he does it again after that, leave.
2007-01-10 13:05:14 · answer #3 · answered by Jadalina 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He obviously got carried away and didn't mean it to hurt you. If i were you, I'd give him another chance. Now that he knows what you don't find appropriate, if he does it again you can leave. But clearly, he's apologized and did not do this out of anger or malice. Maybe you should get some counseling to get over your issues, and in the meantime come up with a "safe word" you can use during sex.
2007-01-10 13:04:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU are the expert here on abusive relationships, and you set the boundaries past which no one else can go.
If your decision is bothering you, you should probably talk this out with him. It may be that he was unaware of how hard he really slapped you and that he is totally ashamed of himself. If you really love him, and can forgive him without losing your own love of self, you might choose to do so, making it perfectly clear that, if he ever slaps you again, your choice will be to leave - permanently.
Best to you!
2007-01-10 13:10:04 · answer #5 · answered by MomBear 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, explain how you feel. Tell him that if he wants to play spanking games with you he should start very gently, little more than love pats, with lots of stroking and rubbing between the swats. Then if you're ok with it he could try spanking a little harder - but always make sure you have a safeword to use that means 'Stop NOW' with no argument.
That way, given time - and sensitivity on his part - you may get to enjoy that sort of bedroom games. But it could be that, in the light of your previous experience, you'll never take to it. In which case, make that clear to him.
2007-01-10 13:33:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honey, it sounds like he was just playing with you. I have had an ex do that to me after sex. It wasn't anything physical. He never hit me or even attempted to out of anger. If you really love him, and he you, then give the man a shot. Also, discuss this with him, so he knows better next time. Good luck.
2007-01-10 13:04:15 · answer #7 · answered by In love with Life 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yea that's not cool a spanking is supposed to be enjoyable only if you wanted that hard should he have hit you hard maybe he thought you might, give him a break he could have made a mistake jest keep both eyes wide open
2007-01-10 13:06:20 · answer #8 · answered by delmonticoman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey Loveguppy, Considering your antecedents you'd be wise to steer as clear of any physical assertion that will leave you that marked. You have experienced the humiliation, pain and suffering that a physically abusive relationship can inflict on all too often, victims who become subconsciously willing subjects. Give thanks you had sense enough to liberate yourself so don't jeopardize your state of mind and soul!
Peace!
2007-01-10 13:12:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you should be worried, at least not yet.
Some guys like joking harshly, it doesn't mean he's into beating.
Usualy the guy would stop this kind of joking if he sees that it bothers you a lot. But so simply, some girls don't show a very strong reaction to this kind of joking.
2007-01-10 13:09:19 · answer #10 · answered by Nipi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was trying to play with you, its not his fault someone else hurt you. You have to try and separate the two things. More importantly you need to be able to trust him, if you do then you know he would never hurt you. My wife was very nevrous the first time I tied her up, now she loves it because she knows I would never or could never hurt her. Sounds like you need to have a talk.
2007-01-10 13:11:35 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋