Should I respond to the "other woman" or just let it go? Do you agree that she is a trouble maker?

Question

I have asked questions about this subject before, but new things keep happening. Long story short, I stupidly opened my hubby a myspace account, thinking it was harmless. WRONG WRONG WRONG! I kept having a nagging feeling (which turned out to be right) that not all his conversations were innocent. I looked at his messages and the ones with one woman from high school, were not innocent. They were both basically talking about their unhappy marriages, putting down their spouses, and my husband told her that she was hot. After I got over my shock and initial devastation, I confronted him, and we have actually discussed our marriage problems and are trying to work things out. I also sent her a message, telling her that I felt the conversations between them were inappropriate for 2 married people of the opposite sex to be having, and that they both needed to either try to work their marriages out, or get out, but that having conversations like they were, was not the way to work things out in their marriages. She responded very hatefully to me and then forwarded the messages to my husband with a note saying “LOL LOOK WHAT YOUR WIFE SENT ME. HAHAHAHA”. I couldn’t stop myself, I responded back to her and told her just what I thought of her and told her that even though she didn’t love her husband anymore and didn’t want to be with him, she was not about to get in between me and my husband. She kept responding calling me nasty names and got a mutual female friend of hers and my husbands to message him asking why his wife was so insecure and that it was childish. Me and this woman actually talked after this, and she said that she could completely see why I was upset, but that this other woman was “just a flirt and is harmless”. Well, I couldn’t help it, I checked out her profile today and she just added this comment (Obviously meant for me):

OK girls... keep your men on a leash... I guess I'm just too hot for you to handle, apparently because your fat and/or ugly... and I'm skinny, and still pretty much look like I did in High School even after having 3 kids, you think you can start **** with me... THINK AGAIN....I WON'T BACK DOWN, NEVER HAVE AND NEVER WILL ;) there is a rumor goin around that I'm a home wrecker.... Hahahahahahaha.... what a crock of ****!!!! Some stupid little twit thinks I'm after her husband.... OK FIRST OF ALL... UGHHHH NOT!!! I'M VERY MUCH TAKEN, but... if I wanted your husband/boyfriend... I'd take him!!!! LUCKY FOR YOU I DON'T .....

To me she is just proving that what I said about her, both to her and to my husband, about being a trouble maker, is true. Part of me wants to respond to her, but the ADULT in me is saying “leave it alone, she is just miserable and wants to start trouble’”

Ladies, what would you do if it were you in my place?

Just some details: My husband has stopped all contact with her and he has appoligized to me and he really has been trying to work on making our marriage better. So I have made sure that he knows he was in the wrong, I know he should have known better, but I am trying to work things out with him. For some reason, I can't keep from continueing to check his messages to see if they have contacted each other or if she has sent another message to me. I hate to admit that this mess is consumming me. Ugggg! I hate feeling like such a snoop, but you know the saying "Burn me once, shame on you; burn me twice, shame on me." I am just trying to make sure that I don't get blindly burned again.

Rosie: Check out your emails.

Answer 1

She sounds crazy, and sounds like the kind of woman who like to live her life in turmoil. I bet her husband doesn't know what she is doing? Take the rest of this up with your husband and tell him that you will NOT tolerate his behavior any longer and that if find out he is speaking with her in any fashion, then consequences will be met. Email the other woman one last time and tell her she is sick and that you find the entire thing humorous, but disturbing since she seems so focused on you and that she should really seek out help and by the way, tell her your husband thinks she is sad! If this doesn't stop then you have much to think about.

Answer 2

I dunno, I think you should have never engaged her to begin with - what was the point? Talking to your husband and discussing problems with him is THE way to go, it is mature and productive. I'm sure you didn't mean harm by writing her, but it WAS sort of a desperate measure born of insecurity - and this woman took full advantage of it. DROP IT, don't pay ANY attention to it whatsoever! If I was to analyze her just based on the message she wrote, I would say she is completely unhappy, she feels very powerless in her life, and the only way she can even begin to feel "empowered" is when she's hiding behind her computer screen and harrassing people who haven't done her any wrong. There's a type of people who do this, it's best to just stay away from them. Forget MySpace, focus on your marriage. In some way, perhaps what happened might be good for your marriage, since it can be a catalyst for change - if both of you approach the situation productively. One way to not let this woman drive you apart is for the both of you to COMPLETELY ignore her. Like fire feeding on oxygen, she feeds on your response to her hateful venomous commetns; cut off the oxygen - the fire goes out. Don't keep giving her the satisfaction she so desperately seeks... Try to work on being happy, and forget her.

Answer 3

It's obvious that this woman was up to no good and that although she might think that she still looks like she was in high school, apparently her brain also stayed in high school. Take the higher road and don't even go there again with her. I would express to my husband how much this has bothered me and even close all the myspace accounts. Save yourself some headaches and just disconnect from all of it. It's not worth it. If your husband is really trying to save your marriage, he will understand and agree to pull the plug on the myspace account. Good luck!

Answer 4

where is your husband in all this? Does he know what she is sending you and posting... He should know, let him read it.
If he is aware and defends her or doesn't take action to put her in line , then you know there are serious problems.
This is the trouble with married people of the opposite sex discussing marital stuff. It leads to get together, affairs and break ups.
You are letting this woman get to you, she is pushing your buttons and you are responding.
I don't think I would give her the time of day.
I would not respond to anything.
If need be change the e-mail accounts,. it is worth the little bit of money it might cost to have peace of mind.
Get your hubbie on board here. Ask him if he wants to work it out or not? If he is just going through the motions and his heart isn't in this, then you need to separate.
Do not let someone batter you emotionally, her or him.
Take a stand and be the responsible person here.
Be strong in your convictions.
Remember you were not the one who started this
mess, he is responsible, she didn't do it all. Don't let him off scott free, he should address it and now.

Answer 5

Sounds like she's still living in high school and acting like a stupid teenager. She also has a pretty inflated image of herself. I definitely would not respond to her any more. She's obviously enjoying what she perceives as your jelousy (it's inflating her ego even more) and is going to keep fueling that fire to make herself feel better. Make sure that your husband understands how you feel and that he can't have any further contact with her for the sake of your marriage. If he can't stay away from her, then he's doesn't value your marriage as much as you do.

Answer 6

I know how upsetting this must be for you. Rise above, tend to your marriage and ignore her from here on. She does not sound as if she is a grounded and thoughtful person, although that does not really matter in the end. What matters is that you and your husband appreciate each other and take care of each other from here on. Move forward and close ranks with your husband.

Answer 7

Ask your husband to close the myspace account and ask that he stay off the computer while you are working on your marriage. This is not unreasonable as he was the one who betrayed you. As far as this woman, if that was her only way of contacting him - she'll cease to bother you.

It sounds like all of you have a little growing up to do. Personally, I don't see a need for a married person to be on myspace - it's a breeding ground for trouble and for people putting themselves in socially diffcult situations in regards to be faithful, completely to their spouse.

Ask your husband what he wants and go with it from there. Tell him that if he wants to stay with you, he cannot have any further contact with this person.

PS - I feel bad for her kids.

Answer 8

Yes your right the adult in you should leave it alone. You need to fight her and your husband with a higher power that would be Christ Jesus Pray Pray Pray for Him to guide you and direct you in the paths that you need to go. Tha tis your husband and you need to fight for what is yours but not in the worldly way and leave it with the Lord just talk to him through out this ordeal it is a teat of your marriage and if it is meant to be then it will pass so let her make her remarks and don't confront your husband just let Jesus handle it some times we need to set back and let nature take it's course she is the one looking lik a fool ther is no need for you to follow suit a man love a good humble women he just like a drama queen so do what you need to do as a wife and you will reap the reward in the end. Just be patient and hold on to Gods unchanging hand. every thing will be alright remember she's have contact with him it is up to him to cut it off. remember when you look for things (trouble) you will find it I know it was a gut instint but some times we need to not say any thing about what we find and just keep our eyes and ears open. my mom always said what's done in the dark will come to light one day. Let your husband clean up the mess he made and just be there for him and learn from this don't harp on it that will turn him away . Be the wife he need for you to be his partner you guys are as one. let no one come between you but let him undo what he created.

Answer 9

be the bigger person and ignore her...she wants you to respond it gives her more power and control over the situation.

unfortunately, there are women in this world that get happiness at the expense of making others insecure. she is an attention *hore, no doubt, who can't make herself happy so she relies on others (in particular men) to build her up...

while i know you realize that your husband was not innocent in this matter...for the sake of your marriage and your own sanity move forward. focus on making sure your marriage is in a better place and that your husband has NO CONTACT with this woman.

so, ignore the comments...delete the myspace accounts, get help through counseling for your marriage and yourself. Above all you will sleep better knowing that you are above her and her childish games...she can keep telling herself that she looks like she did in high school, sounds like she still mentally acts like she is there still...

Answer 10

Hello, I would leave it alone. Speak to your husband and ask him pointblank if he wants to work things out with you or go to be with someone else; because even if this lady was not in the picture then someone else could be.

I say ask your husband because at least you two will be on the same page and it doesn't help the end goal of reconciliation if you guys are on the opposite end of the spectrum.

Hope this helps