Why doesn't the Gay community accept people who are Bi?

Question

I've been w/a woman and i've been w/a man, not at the same time, but in the end i like both sexes.. I've heard that its not accepted in the Gay community and i was just wondering why..

Answer 1

I can only answer for me, for where I'm coming from. I'm a lesbian in my late 30s, who has been in a committed relationship for 8 years. (We would be legally married by now, if it was legal where we live.)

Back in my 20's when I was single and part of the dating scene, there was a definite bias in the lesbian community against bisexual women. That takes some explanation.

First, when I use the word bisexual, I mean people who have and act on romantic feelings for both genders.

There are plenty of young women, even moreso now than 10 years ago, who believe bisexual means "I'll marry a man, but messing around with women when I'm drunk is sorta fun." This is more properly called bi-curious.

THOSE types of bisexual women are the ones that the lesbian community is really against. Most of my lesbian friends have, at one time or another, dated a bisexual woman, gotten emotionally involved, and then gotten dumped for a guy, because the girl wasn't in it "for real" ... just "for fun."

And unfortunately for the true bisexual, this is how bi-curious people have really given true bisexuals a bad name.

That being said, I do have bisexual friends, both men and women, and I don't care one way or the other that they are bisexual, just as I don't consider whether a person is straight or gay before deciding to befriend them. Cool people come in all flavors, you know?

So I will say this in conclusion to all the bisexual people out there, regardless of how you define the word: if you get into anything more than just a casual hookup with a gay person, PLEASE tell them that you are bisexual, and talk about what that word means to you... talk about whether you are truly bisexual, or simply bi-curious.

Open communication about this (like most things in a relationship) can really keep people from getting hurt. And it will also go a long way to improving the social perception of bisexual people in general.

Answer 2

being bi myself I had to ask this to a couple of friends I have both male and female that are Gay (IE: same sex partners only).

From the response I received there isn't anything traitorous involved.

straight people go for the boy/girl sex. That is normal for them.

Gay couples go for either girl/girl or boy/boy as that is the norm for them.

BI couples can go either way and while it normal for them it is not normal for either of the two above. To them it is we (BI-bisexuals) that are the ones with the problems.
There are exceptions to this as I have a Boyfriend that is straighter than a slab of marble and several girl friends, some are straight, some BI and some hard core lesbians. My room mate is what I would call a lesbian with BI tendencies as given the option she will bed almost any woman that attracts her attention BUT she will also sleep with an occasional man as well. Few and far between though.

Answer 3

First off, many of them do accept us. But a good number don't. For those people, I think it's because they buy into any of the following myths and stereotypes.

That we are:

1) Greedy.
2) Confused.
3) In a 'phase'.
4) Indecisive.
5) Horny or sex-addicted or nympomaniacal.
6) People who want to have their cake and eat it, too.
7) Necessarily polyamorous or in open relationships.
8) Commitment-phobic or unfaithful.
9) Really gay or straight and in denial.
10) Really gay or straight but getting perks/avoiding condemnation by being bisexual.
11) Necessarily into group sex.
12) Necessarily equally split in their love of each sex.
13) Necessarily experienced with both sexes in order to call ourselves 'bisexual'.
14) The spreaders of disease from the gay community to straight.

Answer 4

much like straight people who fear gays, i think it's because there are tons of false myths and misunderstandings about what bisexuality is..

most people think that all bisexuals are promiscuous and polygamous.. when this is in fact only the case with a small percentage of bisexuals.

it's great that you have been fortunate enough to experince love with man and woman on separate occasions, and that you enjoyed both.

i just came to accept that i am bi, and i am really looking forward to trying to find a boyfriend and see for myself if i really do like guys as much as i think..

but in the end, whether i am with a man, woman, or single/lonely, i am still the same person. the rest of my life doesn't change.. i am still ambitious. i am still looking for a good job, still looking to continue my efforts to improve my health, still love my family and friends.. sexuality is just a small part of a person.. it totally gets blow out of proportions..

i have started reaching out to the gay community and making gay friends for the first time, and so far, everyone seems accepting of me and my bisexuality.. they are very open, honest, and caring people and want to do whatever they can to comfort me and help me thru this time if confusion and uncertainty..

Answer 5

Many in the Gay community will have used "bisexuality" as a halfway house to coming out as properly identified gays. This can (somehow) give the impression that all Bi-folk are in denial about their orientation.

Most gays (I've known) are understanding, though and don't have that attitude towards me.

Answer 6

I am a lesbian 100%, and I can accept bisexuals just fine, but me personally I would not want to date a bisexual woman. There is a certain trust factor that is not there for someone just just goes which way the wind blows. I want my woman to KNOW what she wants. And if what she wants is men and women then cool. But that woman will not be me.

Answer 7

"Who Knew" is on the right track there, I believe.

I have a dear friend who's a lesbian, she always seems to shudder a bit when I remind her that I'm actually bi and not lesbian. My partner is female so she forgets that I'm actually bi.
I think it's part feeling betrayed, part being affraid and part thinking we're giving in to social pressure to conform.

Answer 8

Some people flat out don't like the whole bisexual thing. The think its an excuse to cheat...you know "well it wasn't like I was with a girl...it was a guy so...(fill in the BS)"

Thats it.

Answer 9

I think that they feel that bi people are just following a fad. Many say that its a trend to be bi now. :(

Answer 10

I would love to know the answer to this question. Maybe they feel as if that person is a traitor??