I am 8 onths pregnant and my husband and i are seperated, his choice, he clames he loves me but hes not in love with me, so after he moved out i asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said that if i needed to file for finacial reason ( i have a house and business) thats fine but otherwise no. So i asked him how he thought things wer going to be with the baby and us." he says he sees himself as being a great father and a friend to me, and that other than that he doesn't know. So i don't get it, if he doesn't love me than why does he not want a divorce? He claimes he cares about me so much but can not be the man i need him to be right now. should i be there for him, not be there for him?
2007-01-10 04:44:02 · 17 answers · asked by I♥Karma 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so confused by him! HELP!
2007-01-10 04:48:01 · update #1
If I were you, I would file for divorce and move on. You can still "be there for him", and "be friends", but you would be free and open to a relationship with a man who WILL be the "man you need". No one says you need to burn bridges, or be vindictive and resentful - but you shouldn't be spending your life chasing after a deadbeat husband. He is doind you a favor by giving you an opportunity to get on with your life - jump on it.
2007-01-10 04:51:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all HE chose to abandon his family! A great father and freind? The gall to even say that. In not getting divorced he gets the emotional support of having a family instead of facing up to the reality of the situation. Not the man he needs to be? Well lots of guys are not but deal with it and not take a cop out. Not able to deal with a child and being married? Again lots of guys feel that way and don't leave a pregnant wife.
Ok you have a house and a business and you have to protect your child no matter what the situation is between him and you. You have to seperate emotion from the realities of your future. If you get divorced later up to that point he is legally entitled to half of the profits and any assets you may have built. The equity you have built in your home over time from you paying the mortgage? He'll get part of that as well.
He also knows darn well that once you are divorced he will have to pay child support. Much better for him is he keeps you on the line with promises and such....... delaying the emotional and financial impact.
And what about you? You deserve an end to begin again. You start dating again at some point but you are married but apart. Without a clear point of closure it will wear on your relationships. He will show up, make demands, etc. as it is his right. It will get worse and worse and he will hold this still married thing over you as the kid gets older.
For your own sake just start the divorce. He will cry and moan at this point. But you need to establish a firm baseline before you can rebuild. Maybe later you can both mature into a relationship as friends but this will never truly happen until you do this. And he faces up to the realities of life. Good luck.
2007-01-10 13:34:38 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a selfish JERK to leave you at a time in your life when you really need someone. He is thinking only of himself, and I cannot see how he thinks he can be a great father if he has abandon you before his child is even here!!! It sounds to me like he is having an affair. When a man uses the line " I love you but I am not in love with you" its usually another woman. As long time married people can tell you, butterflies and stars disappear after a year and then comfort love, love that knows its love replaces it. Open your eyes sweetie. Give him a divorce NOW! He doesn't think you will do it, that's why he has left it up to you.
2007-01-10 12:52:34 · answer #3 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg. he said to file for divorce. but he did it in such a way, that it looks like YOU are the one pushing it so he doesn't look like the bad guy. this gets him off the hook. he doesn't love you at all. that whole "i love you, but i'm not in love with you" is the biggest crock of manure i have ever heard. it's a game plan that men play when they just don't want to admit they made a mistake. get your divorce, file for custody and support and move on. good luck. you're gonna need it.
2007-01-10 13:18:16 · answer #4 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the man does not want to be your husband, then you need to file for divorce. A "friend" is not a husband.
2007-01-10 12:53:16 · answer #5 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants a divorce but does not want to pay for it .. or maybe does not want people to know he wants it , to make people think that you do .. I think he has some one else . why would oyu want to be there for him , when you need him now and after that baby is born and he is not going to be there , to get up in the middle of the night to help you etc.. lose him ..
2007-01-10 14:16:34 · answer #6 · answered by blueflowerscs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe some couseling would help you and him right now
If not - sounds like he wants out but doesn't want to be the one to initiate the divorce
Good luck
2007-01-10 12:52:28 · answer #7 · answered by Confussedhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce his a** & find someone else. My soon to be ex said the same s**t to me "I love you, but not in love with you". My guess is there is someone else. That is what happened to me, she left me for somone else.
2007-01-10 12:49:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably doesn't want to be court ordered to pay support to you and the future child yet. That's all. He's just manipulating you.
2007-01-10 12:52:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like ur hubby is confused and full of crap--actions speak louder than words. he is acting very carefree about a lot of serious issues----there is much more to this story--good luck
2007-01-10 12:49:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋