my husband read my diary..?

Question

i kept a diary due to depression and anxiety, was told to write all my feelings down by a councellor and it helped me to off load things from my mind. i got married at 19 ( just turned 21) and i felt i made a big mistake which has been getting me down. he is controlling and possesive and emotionally blackmails me. i cant leave i have a 4 month old baby and have a joint home together. i went out last week and he went straight through my private things and read my diary for no reason. i was so upset as it was personal to me and about my feelings. i feel so humiliated as when we argue he keeps quoting things out my diary. is this wrong??or am i making a mountain out of a molehill??has this happend to anyone else

Answer 1

oh boy.....as a parent of daughters, this bothers me....as a woman this bothers me....you are only 21, and are in a relationship with someone you said is controlling, possessive and slings mud at you....My dear, that is to make him big to himself...You aren't making a mountain out of a mole hill, because, and I don't mean to sound mean or make you feel any worse, but if he is doing that crap now, imagine 10, 20 yrs down the road....I don't understand why some men, not all, have to put their woman down, to show they are the "men" of the house...It isn't healthy for the one who is receiving the emotional abuse, and that is exactly what it is....You don't have to be slapped for it to be abuse. Your diary he had no right to look at. And now uses it against you....I am not saying leave...but, you know what deep down inside your feeling, you wrote it here in your second sentence. If you know this is not going to get any better, you just may have to leave. Can you go to your folks, or sister, or brother or someone really close.....If there is no chance of him becoming violent, then stand your ground and tell him to back off, or your leaving....If there is any chance of physical violence, then you really need to leave because what happens when kid #2, 3, 4 comes along, and you are really stuck....If you can't leave your own home for a few without him turning into an @ss, then he has some major insecurity issues, and that is not what you were put here for, to baby or enable his @ss to act that way......hope things work out for you.......sincerely.

Answer 2

He was completely out of line to read your diary. In my personal opinion, a diary is used as a way to vent or get out your feelings. I write in one all of the time. It's an expression of you and your emotions during certain moments and not usually things that you want to share. You are most definitely not making a mountain out of a molehill. Honestly, you need to talk with him about going to marriage counselor together. If you don't work through some of these issues now, I'm concerned they may turn violent in the future. Without counseling, he's not likely to just change. Even with counseling he may not change, but at least he would be giving it a try and putting your marriage and relationship first.

If he's completely unwilling to try marriage counseling, you need to honestly think about what's best for you and your 4 month old baby. You deserve better and your baby deserve a loving, caring father. Rather than continue down this path with him, if he's completely unwilling to work on your relationship, then you really should consider leaving for the well-being of yourself and your child. As scary as that thought is, it's better than being in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Answer 3

Well, I agree with the majority. He has no right to invade your privacy and treat you like this. You can get out of the relationship if you really want to. My ex had no respect for me and spoke to me like s***. We had a 14 month old baby. We have been seperated for almost 5 years now. At first, it was all so scary, being a single mother on my own, I never thought it would happen to me but beleive me it was the best thing that happened. My little boy is nearly 6 and understands so much now. It would tear him apart if his mum and dad split up now, at least when he was 14 months old, he didn't understand things and has never (well, not very often) had to listen to us argue. It was difficult at 1st but I got straight on the phone about my benefits, started doing a college course and kept busy. I made loads of new friends too. Most colleges have creches. I started going to the gym and feeling like myself again. Even though I still loved my ex for ages after, I got through it and I promise you there is a better life than the one that you have right now. Good luck, you dont deserve to be treated the way you are. E-mail me if you need any advise on benefits, housing etc x

Answer 4

If you have been writing down all your emotions and thoughts, maybe he knows now how you truely feel about him. You should have been straight with him from the get go. If I was in your position, I would leave and start new. If he is controlling and possesive towards you, do you really want your child to witness all the abuse? He may be contributing to your depression and anxiety problems as well. Not to mention that you should now know that you cannot trust him...You can make it on your own. I have been there, I know what you're going through.

Answer 5

To answer your question, you've already answered it. He is controlling, and his reading your diary was more than just a curiousity... he was intentionally looking for it, and violating your privacy because he doesn't want you to have any. If it were me, I'd have gone beyond the humiliation, and way into the furious mode. But that's just me!

Also, if you haven't already, please check with your doctor. Post-partum depression often requires more than just counseling. Hopefully you are already under a doctor's care.

Last, please do not succomb to the "I can't leave" victim mentality. I know that when you are depressed (I have depression also, and Wellbutrin has helped a lot!) it seems that you can't do anything. I used to just sit on the couch and cry all day. Know that you are a woman who has power separate and apart from your husband. You just need to find it! Instead of saying "I can't leave", take action and find a way to either get help for your marriage, or find a way that you can leave. Hopefully your husband will want help for the marriage, but you can't make him fix anything if he doesn't want to.

In the words of Maya Angelou, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

Answer 6

You are not wrong. Your husband is nosey and selfish. If he wanted to learn more about you he should have sat down with you and talked.
You said that you can't leave. I beg to differ. Just because you have a joint home and a baby doesn't mean you have to serve a life sentence with a person who treats you like garbage. I'm not saying it will be easy, but trust me on this, it's easier (and not nearly as lonely) to be without this guy.
Let your child learn that settling isn't an option. Your baby deserves to be raised in a happy home.
You don't have to spend the next 20, 30 or 40 years with this guy. Don't let him bring you down any more than he already has.

Answer 7

take advantage of what has happened to have open and frank conversation about everyting. Marriage is so hard and at 19 i am sure you had no idea it really was as hard as it is but thats not a reason to just give up either. Marriage takes work and anyone that tells you its all a fairytale is selln something so use this and try to make something out of the way you feel. I am sure he is hurt by some of the stuff you said if it were the other way around you would feel the same so like i said take time to let everything come out and maybe both of you can learn to communicate better through all of this.

Answer 8

Hi sweetie, yes I've been in your position. I even had depression and anxiety. After I had two kids with him I realized that I didn't want my children growing up in that kind of situation. He also read everything I wrote down. He checked the milage on my van, called my friends non stop to make sure I wasn't seeing anybody, and even sent his friends to spy on me when I went out. It just kept getting worse and worse just like your relationship is going right now. I left him and I divorced him while supporting a toddler and a baby. If I could do that with next to nothing I think you can with just one baby. Oh, and my depression and anxiety went away as soon as I was out the door. Just don't let him manipulate you anymore. If he threatens you or trys to manipulate you about the baby just say you'll ask the judge in court.

Answer 9

Your hub and is a total MORON!! What gives him the right to go through your personal things? If he wants to know something he MUST ask first!! Where is his respect? And you CAN still leave him-lots of mothers raise their child alone and do just fine, and so what if you two have a house together!! Force him to sell the house and split the money, then kick his as to the curb!! And for the record I am a male. I would NEVER read a diary that my wife was keeping!! That is a personal thing, and if she wanted me to read it she would bring it to me and say 'Here, read this" He should not be using your personal feelings against you while you are in an argument either! The guy is just a total sh*thead!!

Answer 10

you want to have a verbal change consisting of your husband and by no ability contained in the nice and comfortable temperature of an concern. once you 2 are not struggling with, sit down him down and allow him comprehend that your diary become an section that you'll be able to positioned in writing your inner maximum options, options that any human human being has in consumer-friendly words no longer all of us expects them to be examine. let him comprehend it isn't straightforward of him to carry those issues adverse to you. If he's mature he will comprehend there are issues that he thinks deep down that he extremely doesn't pick you to understand and that is human nature. let him comprehend you pick to commence with a sparkling slate, no more effective communicate of the diary or of the flaws in it. If there is a few thing that he examine in there that bothers him, let him ask you about it yet after that communicate, it truly is now to not be delivered up lower back. If it keeps, you are able to favor to communicate to a counselor to get by way of this actual concern. He had no accurate to envision it yet i'll work out how the numerous things you wrote can make him uneasy.