How do I tell my wife to lose weight without hurting her feelings? 6 1/2 yrs 2gether and 2 kids.Pls help!?

Question

When we 1st met she was 135lbs now she's 175lbs.She went up 2 200lbs with our 1st child (I believed her bcause it was her 1st and she said she thought she had 2 keep eating 2 feed the baby).She never really did nething 2 lose the weight after the baby was here and really didnt care. With our 2nd child, she went up to 195lbs. After we talked about her weight, she decided 2 go to the gym. She went for 2 mnths and quit after she lost 7lbs. I was 140lbs and firm when we met and worked out daily. 6 yrs later I'm still 140lbs. She always makes excuses not 2 go to the gym. It's not bcause of the kids bcause I never have an excuse not to watch my kids if she has 2 do sumthing important. The problem here is she don't watch wat she eats, gets mad when I remind her and always wants 2 eat everything other then wat she should b eating 2 lose weight.The biggest problem is I'm not attracted 2 her sexually ne more.I love her alot. She's not sexually motivated and we have sex once a month.

Answer 1

Yikes! That's a tough, tough situation. First, you need to not focus on her weight. A lot of people will tell you you are insensitive, but if you aren't attracted to her, you aren't. Focus instead on your unsatisfying sex life and the health of your family. Talk to her about promoting a healthy diet overall in your family and planning for the future. Being overweight leads to health issues and she is cutting her life with her children short. She should consider getting into better health for the family. This will eliminate a lot of the issues here.

Answer 2

Be glad you have sex once a month. That's more than some married couples. I'm married too and gained weight. I gained weight with the pregnancy too but lost it. Then later gained weight again. Mainly I gained it because of being unhappy in the marriage and other problems in the home. I recently have been losing weight and working out 6 days per week. ONLY after I realized that I need to do it to make myself feel better. It's really not helping her to hear you remind her how to eat or that she needs to work out. Why don't you try not saying anything to her about eating or working out for a few months. See what happens. You need to plan activities with her such as taking a walk or some outdoor activity to get her more active. She may start to feel better and would change her mind about working out. Also, I see alot of women at the gym I go to who only go there to gossip with their buddies. They get on the treadmill and talk with their buddies, wobbling slowly for about 10 minutes and leave. This accomplishes nothing. So, just because she goes to the gym does not mean she's going to lose weight. Leave her alone for a while or get a divorce. There's more to her than the weight. Why did you marry her?

Answer 3

It sounds like she may be overwhelmed by her own weight issues and is feeling depressed. If you don't have the confidence to believe you can accomplish something you just end up feeling defeated and give up. It sounds like she needs positive comments from you.

Maybe you should go out and do things with her that are not so physically grueling for her like taking walks. Try purchasing DVDs for pilates rather than expecting her to do cardio at a gym. If you mention going to the gym offer to go with her and find a babysitter for the kids if possible. I think weight loss needs to be a team effort when you are married even if only one person is overweight.

Try finding recipes online that are healthier - contain fewer carbs, sodium and calories but also look appetizing. I would just bring it up as trying new recipes for variety, don't stress that you want to eat them so she'll lose weight.

I think it's very easy to get into a rut when you're a mom and you put on weight...and it's much easier to give into the weight gain rather to fight it.

I think you need to approach it as concern for her overall health. Let her know you love her and you will do anything you can to be supportive...don't remind her that you are still the same weight as when you both met. It will only make her feel like she's being persecuted for putting on the weight...

Good luck...

Answer 4

First, Check your attitude. Do you truly love your wife? Then don't try to change her.

If you're asking because you do love her and your concerned about her physical and emotional well being then here are a few ideas that have worked for my husband and I (and we're in the same boat as you and your wife). And don't approach this as "her problem" (don't be accusatory or attacking).

1. Hire a babysitter and make exercise a bonding experience for the two of you. If she won't leave the kids find and activity that they can do too (walking, bike riding, etc.).

2. My husband does the grocery shopping. And Junk food is banned from our house. He only buys health snacks. If he wants junk food he hits the vending machine at work. This keeps our kids from getting hooked on junk too.

3. Compliment her daily. Tell her you love her. Tell her how beautiful she is. If she does take a healthy step act the peppiest cheerleader you can think of.

Answer 5

I think one of the biggest problems in situations like this, is the person trying to lose the weight really feels alone. If you are asking her what "she" is going to do, and how much "she" is going to lose and if "she" is going to the gym, I'm sure her motivation is extremely low.

Try approaching it from a partnership point of view. Sit down with her and tell her that you think that it's important that the family starts eating healthy. Tell her what YOU are going to do to facilitate this and suggest things she could do. For instance, say that you are uncomfortable with the chips and soda the kids are consuming and suggest you both remove that from the grocery list. Suggest that you share the cooking during the week days and strive for very healthy dinners and then maybe indulge during the weekends. Suggest family outings where you might be taking walks or do some hiking. All these type of things make it a group thing and doesn't single her out to make her feel like a failure.

Answer 6

Well man i dont know how much i can help im only 25 but heres what me and my girl went through. She started putting on some weight so. i talked honestly with her about it, I said hey listen lets work on this together. we sat down and made a healthy eating plan and started at the gym together.

I think the biggest thing you need to realize is that you cant change anyone. they need to want tochange themselves. the only thing you can do is have an honest conversation with her and hope she takes it well. Try and find active things she likes to do, maybe not the gym but a nice long walk together. If you cant leave the kids home, get a sitter. I think the important thing is tom show her that you are willing to do it with her, supporting her all the way.

As for the eating why dont you start doing the shopping and only buy healthy food.

another thing i just thought of is talking to her about setting a positive example for your kids. An active lifestyle is a healthy lifestyle.

Hope it works out for you man. sad to see a marriage fall because of this! good luck

Answer 7

Here are some of my tips and I hope I can help; first do not watch her or comment on her intake of food she will just start to eat more out of aggravation. Tell her that you would like to take walks with her and the children around the neighborhood after dinner try to make this a daily routine; help her around the house women love this it shows that you care. If you live in a house, ask her to help you in the yard, and wash your own car! Have fun with it get her and the kids to help daddy wash his car. I feel that you are not giving her the attention she needs, when men are deprive they head for the bottle or another women, but as for women it is either another man, or FOOD! Food is safe it can be your best friend. Start paying more attention to her, tell her in bed how sexy she is, and when the weight starts coming off tell her how irresistible she is and that you cannot keep your hands off her believe me that will work! She just needs your love and support, and last and most importantly do not look at other women when you are together, because that can blow the whole thing!

Answer 8

Don't tell your wife shes fat how would you feel if some one told you that. If shes over weight she knows it. How about you walk together every night with the kids its good family time too. If your kids are big enough have a family race and run a block walk a block. Then you take over cooking and grocerie shopping. Don't have crap in the house and make nutricious meals (or request meals you know are nutricious and low in fat) she will have no other ways out. If these don't work then talk to her about your sexual feelings toward her. Remind her how important it is to teach your children by showing not telling. Everyone wants there children to grow up to be healthy.

Answer 9

Stick to the plan of health and not weight. Remember even if she does lose weight that the overall appearance is more important than the acual number... Lets say she loses 25lbs and at 150 is toned and looks good in her clothes etc. That should be the target, the way she looks and feels vs trying to obtain a number. Also, I have rarely met a woman, after having children that got back to their "original" weight. Myself, sister and friends all lost weight but we focused on how we looked and felt vs. the number.

Be very considerate when you bring up the subject as she will definately feel that you dont love her (I know you do) but in her mind it may be a very painful discussion.

Also, you can not continue to tell her "I am still the same" because you did not give birth to 2 children.

Good Luck,

Answer 10

Perhaps instead of focusing on you and your needs, you should take the approach of addressing your wife and her needs. Being overweight can cause significant health problems. Stress the fact that you want her to be healthy and want her to be around for a long time. In the end, she has to be self motivated to lose weight. If your wife is eating unheathily and overweight, there is a good chance that your kids are too. You could plan activities to do as a family to get your whole family active. Go on walks together, Go to the park as a family, Take hikes in local parks, or take up bicycling or another active hobby together.