how would you approach your spouse about a money issue??

Question

my husband works and i do not (i am unable to work and currently appealing my disability claim which can take over a year)....so i have absolutely no money....i do housework and cooking, etc....my husband is in charge of ALL the money, i have not a cent to my name.....if i go to the grocery store i have to use HIS atm card to pay......i'm getting really sick of it....if there is an emergency, i have no money....if i need something, i have no money.....if i want a small treat (small, i mean like if i want to buy something at the art/craft store, or a book or something), i have no money.....i feel like a completely unequal person and it's really really upsetting me......
how do i talk to my husband about it in a way that will make him receptive to my ideas/concerns??

regarding his debit card-i am NOT on his account

Answer 1

I have been there sister and it sucks! I finally just told my man how I was feeling and explained to him that it was hurting our relationship more than he knew. I too never had money for small tokens and I completely understand that as a stay at home you get no appreciation for what you do and it is horrible. My advice is this......just talk to him. Just tell him that you would appreciate setting aside an envelope or something where he could put a little money in and leave it there if you don't need it don't use it and if you find something you can't live without then go for it. Tell him that it isn't like an allowance that you don't want say $100.00 a week or anything but that it would be nice if he could make sure that there is always at least $20.00 in there so that way you can do things and get things you want too. As far as using his debit card if you are on his account you can have one too all you have to do is go to the bank and they will give you your own and i f you aren't on his account tell him you want your own account if it is that important your husband should love and respect you enough to help you get what you want when you explain that you want to be part of the partnership and that you are feeling left out! Good luck and I hope it helps!

Answer 2

I support your husband having his own acct, however I believe you need some spending money.

I would ask if he would think about making the following changes to better control your money.

#1 He keep his private bank acct
#2 You both open a shared bank acct that will ONLY have enough money in it to pay monthly bills like rent, car payments, cable (same dolar amount every month). You can take change to make sure these checks are written on time every month.
#3 You open another shared bank acct that is for house hold budget. Food, clothes, misc. Again you are to keep track of this to make sure you spend within your monthly budget.
#4 When you are able to contribute you will open your own private acct and contribute your equal half to the above accts.

This will give you both freedom to spend and independence to save or spend.

Other nice things that happen is that your credit rating will go up because you will ALWAYS have the money to pay your bills on time. Plus it always you to really see how you are spending your money.

Answer 3

Your concerns need attention from him. Unless you are SO tight for money that you literally have nothing else to spend, there is no reason for him to be so tight about it.

Tell him the problem you have. Why can't he trust you? You can't even have him add you to your account so you can have your own ATM card and checkbook?

It sounds to me like you are terrified of your husband. This is not cool. There is no reason for him to control the money and you this way.

I suggest if he refuses to budge, perhaps when the disability checks start arriving you deposit them into *your* account. They will be in your name he will need you to sign them. If he deposits them anyways he is committing fraud. Pay for the day to day expenses you need (and treats you want) out of this money, and whatever is left give it to him to help pay the bills.

If he fights you on this, I suggest saving the money instead for a divorce lawyer.

Answer 4

Well in a way you do have money if you use his ATM card and have access to his Bank Account. You shouldnt have to feel unequal you help him by doing the house work. I rather work than clean the house.

Answer 5

Obviously you have gotten yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place but there is always a way out,What you need to do is let him know straight out you need a certain amount of money to have in the cookie jar (per say) for your self and or emergencies.You shouldn't never let him start that..

Answer 6

House work and cooking are work, so yes you CAN work, you choose not to. Employers are legally bound not to discriminate on the basis of disability. If your skills and experience lie in an area that requires physical abilities you no longer possess, this simply means that it's time to get training in new skills.

Answer 7

I can tell that isn't working out. You need to talk to him about it and you both need to sit down and figure out a plan with the money. Even when your money comes in, you both should manage it and have access to it.
Money is a touchy subject; Really need to sit down and figure out a system that you both can agree on.

Answer 8

if you are maried you should have joint accounts....